Home > Guest Blog, Shaman's Harvest > What’s Going On With That Body? The Mae Young Edition by Shaman’s Harvest

What’s Going On With That Body? The Mae Young Edition by Shaman’s Harvest

[Editors Note: This post was written by Shaman’s Harvest. He had expressed interest in writing for this site and couldn’t think of any ideas, so I told him to write about why Mae Young’s vagina couldn’t get wet the way it used to and he actually went ahead and put together this post taking an unorthodox look at wrestling legend Mae Young.]

[Warning: This post contains images unsuitable for mass consumption. If you are easily offended then this post is not for you. If you proceed to continue reading this then I will not be held responsible for loss of vision or any traumatization that may occur. Enjoy.]

“Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old by deserting our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.” – Samuel Ullman

You better believe Mae Young is someone who never gave up her enthusiasm. Mae was born March 12, 1923, setting her at the prehistoric old age of 88. She is truly a walking skeleton with sandpaper skin and a wig on. Despite the fact that most old women her age should be getting neglected at a nursing home while they try to remember the name of who the hell is talking to them, Mae is something different…Mae is…Mae is….well…Mae is the worlds oldest slut. She’s got the body of a fossil and the sex drive of a drunk Batista at a womans right convention.

“The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible.”  – Judith Regan

It’s hard to believe that a 88 year old woman can compete with today’s young sluts, and let me tell you this, these young sluts are being all the slut they can be, but they can’t just compete with the sex drive of Mae. Just like Cody Rhodes was born to be better than us, Mae was just born sluttier. Let’s take a look down vagina lane:

On the September 27, 1999 edition of Monday Night Raw Mae Young and Moolah defeated then WWF Woman’s Champion Ivory in a Handicapped Evening Gown match, where Young got stripped to her bra and underpants. Now how many women would strip down to their underwear on live TV? Probably 85% of them, but how many would do that same thing in their 70s? Only Mae.

At the age of seventy-six, Mae Young was named the WWE’s Miss Royal Rumble 2000 by winning a bikini contest. Let me ask you this, how many freaking women could beat the WWE Divas in bikini contest? Very few. How many could do it in their late 70s? Only Mae.

In the 2000’s Mae met the love of her life, Mark Henry, and like any other couple, they loved to get it on. I’m sure big Mark didn’t think he could get a women pregnant at 80, but the over sexed Mae Young’s eggs met with Mark’s Kool Aid and a beautiful baby was born. Needless to say that baby was only a hand, but who are we to judge true love? Besides, the hand grew into a perfectly capable being and got a job doing services for men around the world. What kind of job did he get you might ask? He got a handjob, lol. Now let me ask you how many women would give birth on live TV? Maybe some, but how many 80+ year old women would give birth on live TV? Only Mae.

“We are young only once, after that we need some other excuse.” – Anonymous

Sadly, not everyone can be horny forever, not even Mae.  Menstruation, or having periods, is part of the female reproductive cycle that starts when girls become sexually mature at the time puberty hits. At 88 years of age, Mae has finally stopped having periods. Her once smooth and ready vagina has become dried, crusted, and useless. Mae has lost hold of her wild years. She lost her youthfulness. Even Mae, a powerful symbol of someone who refuses go let go of her youth, eventually has it ripped from them.

“Age is opportunity no less,
Than youth itself, though in another dress,
And as the evening twilight fades away,
The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day.”
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Morituri Salutamus

So what’s my point? Do I even have a point? Sure I do. So many people go through life thinking they’re invincible. They go through life thinking that they are the one and only exception to old age. That they’ll never get wrinkles, or shrink, or slow down, but they will. They’ll realize they can’t move as fast as they used to, they’ll realize they’re gaining more weight while eating less food, they’ll realize they’re holding the newspaper a bit closer to their face than they used to, or that the word “fat” sounds like “that” these days. Growing old is an enviable process. The people who though that they were invincible and that they were the one exception to old age, now have a blanket pulled over their head. It’s over just like that.

Mae Young is proof that nothing lasts forever. If anyone should be able to defeat age, it’s Mae Young. But she can’t, no one can. One of the most wildest women in TV history will eventually be around no more. What I’m trying to say is age attacks when we least expect it, so be grateful for what you have now.

Well, this has sure been the weirdest thing I’ve ever written. I’ll be surprised if THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ posts it and even more surprised if you read this far. I’ll be back for Smackdown…maybe (wink).

  1. The Modern Native
    May 6, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    Wow. Just wow.

  2. May 6, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    Oh god all mighty. Please don’t yell at me people. I didn’t think he would a actually post this.

    These were some hot pics of Mae Young though. I’d love to see a sex tape with her and Kharma.

    • May 6, 2011 at 7:02 pm

      I was joking when I said to do it so it was a surprised when I received it. I thought it was funny, but i’m sure most will find this extremely disturbing. For the record there is nothing sexual about 80 year old floppy tits and thats the only reason that pic made the cut. If they can air it on Raw then I could use it on a wrestling site. Not my fault and yea I will never post anything Mae Young ever again unless she died. Sorry.

      • May 6, 2011 at 7:16 pm

        I thought you were serious. Mae Young is a symbol of youth and all senior citizens should be inspired by this column.

        • May 6, 2011 at 9:32 pm

          Or repulsed, lol. Reading it back this shit was funny as fuck, but highly offensive to senior citizens. Now I have to counter attack this post with another well balenced “WHAT?” or maybe some throw backs from my other site I could remix and make brand new lol

  3. May 6, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    I’m so awesome.

  4. Ace O. Hart
    May 6, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    Eww… Just… Eww… It takes a lot of wrestling dedication to find a way to write this much about Mae Young.

  5. Alan
    May 6, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    two wrds: gross bro.

  6. Capt. Smooth
    May 6, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    We all might joke about her, but I respect the hell out of Mae! She seems like a fun person. I’m just glad to be around when she’s able to do this.

    • May 6, 2011 at 10:09 pm

      She’s cool, but I cant believe The Rock ate her pie. Now that’s fucking gross, lol.

  7. Capt. Smooth
    May 6, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    He didn’t eat her pie. Maybe a bit of crust. J, my e-mail is being upgraded and has been acting up recently. Did you ever get my idea for the site?

    • May 6, 2011 at 10:27 pm

      Crust, lol. What they doing to your email? I bet the CIA has it wiretapped and spys on everything you do thats why you wont sign up no where using it huh? lol. I would sue for invasion of privacy. Im bout to check emails in a few got more emails than I usually get since making this site.

  8. Capt. Smooth
    May 6, 2011 at 10:34 pm

    It’s not my work, just the company I get my mail from is upgrading. Thanks. I’m about to go to bed. Gotta get up early and clean house. I also want to check out Thor.

    • May 6, 2011 at 10:50 pm

      Cleaning can be fun if you blast music really loud, at least thats the only way I can ever get in the mood to clean, lol. Have fun at Thor if you go. 🙂

      • Capt. Smooth
        May 9, 2011 at 5:55 am

        Thor was too much fun! Can’t wait for Capt. America!

  9. May 7, 2011 at 3:55 am

    Shaman’s, you are a rare and unique kind of genius.

  10. May 7, 2011 at 8:36 am

    While I respect all female wrestlers, I truly believe that Mae isn’t sane and I always thought that the WWE exploited this old ladys craziness, which it is kinda sad.

    In a way she is the Betty White of Wrestling, but I don’t think she knows what the hell she is doing.

    • May 7, 2011 at 12:01 pm

      Yeah, well she’s not your average 80 year old grandmother, that’s for sure.

      • May 7, 2011 at 12:19 pm

        Fortunately xD

        If my grandma did this, I would remove her from my family tree.

    • May 7, 2011 at 6:48 pm

      Ha when I was editing this I kept thinking about Betty White, lol. They should form a tag team.

  11. Stephen
    May 8, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    Who writes this stuff?

    • May 8, 2011 at 10:23 pm

      Me. Shaman’s Harvest. Written word artist and IWC journalist.

      I can also write stories and wedding vows, if you’d like.

  12. Max
    May 9, 2011 at 12:38 am

    I like this. I don’t know why. But I do.

  13. MEek3rz
    May 21, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    wow wtf

  1. December 30, 2011 at 9:38 pm

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