Home > Diary Of A Reject, Guest Blog, Shaman's Harvest > Diary Of A Reject: Chapter 1: I am Handrew Henry by Shaman’s Harvest (as Handrew Henry)

Diary Of A Reject: Chapter 1: I am Handrew Henry by Shaman’s Harvest (as Handrew Henry)

You know, there’s an old saying that goes: “Life’s a bitch and then you die”. Some people would laugh at that, others would find it to be gothic, emo, or suicidal, but it’s real, it’s damn real. Imagine growing up in a world where no one cares about you, where you’re a joke, or an “Oh my god” moment in the industry known as sports entertainment. Imagine living in a world where your “parents” have never even spoken to you. It’s a living hell, but that’s my life, and this is my story.

I was born in the year 2000 on an episode of, what was known at the time as, WWF Monday Night Raw. My father is Mark Henry and my mother is Mae Young. From what I have been told they met on Raw and fell in love. Oh, how I will never forgive my father for taking advantage of my sick mother. To this day she still refuses to get any help. Instead sick bastards like Shaman’s Harvest write columns exploiting her issues. I just want to say, fuck you Shaman. You’re simply an asshole. Now where was I? Oh yes, of course since my mother was 80 years old at the time, she shouldn’t have been able to carry a baby. It contradicted all that is right in this world, but she did it. Then, on Raw, my mom went into labour and gave birth to me on live TV. You know, I’ve watched that video about 100 times, and I still can’t do it without crying (don’t ask how a hand cries). I just see everyone’s reactions, people screaming and looking away, Pat Patterson throwing up. I was the first human hand to ever be born. The most defective baby ever to avoid a still birth. You have no idea what it’s like to be born a monster. I’ll never be loved, I’ll never have a family, I’ll never have anybody.

After that Raw, medical professionals and Child Protective Services came to my parents hotel. I was told my mother was naked while hysterically laughing, while my father was using me to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar. My mother, Mae, was declared unfit to take care of a baby, and they didn’t trust a white hand to be watched by a black father (it was a different time back then) so Children Protection Services took me to an orphanage. Do you think my parents tried to get me back? Hell No. My mom went on to pursue employment at a Strip Club, while my father just ate and ate and ate and ate.

I was placed in an orphanage and was set to stay there until a new family adopted me. The nuns decided that I was unfit to attend a regular Catholic school because of fear for the other children. Not fear for my safety or my feelings, but fear that I would scare the other children. Do you have any idea what that’s like? It’s emotionally devastating. The worst part? I was left-handed.

I attended private sessions with a nun while still having to take bi-weekly trips to the hospital for research. My teacher was very abusive and neglectful. Many times she didn’t show up to the teaching sessions and when she did she would say I was “Of the devil.” How could I be of the devil? I’ve never done anything wrong in my life. School aside, everything else was bad too. I shared a room with 5 other orphans. These were really unbearable conditions. The other kids were terrified of me. They asked what I was? What’s wrong with me (that hurt)? How it feels being like this? Now, how do I answer the question of how it feels to be myself? It doesn’t feel like anything. Imagine if someone asked you how it feels to be who you are. You couldn’t answer that.

The conditions in our room were dreadful. There were 3 sets of bunk beds, a small closet, and an old lamp that constantly flickered. I slept on the top bunk. Seriously. It was a 3 hour journey just to get in bed every night. You’d think someone would help me up, right? Wrong. A lot of nights I just slept in old socks. There was this one time that I found an old glove abandoned outside. It was beautiful. It fit perfectly and was the most comfortable thing I have ever felt. When I tried bringing it back to the orphanage, a nun stopped me saying I was never to bring such a dirty thing into her home again. Yeah right, lady, have you seen what conditions you put me in?

The worst part about sharing a room with six other children was the illness. If one of us got sick, we all got sick. It’s not like I was offered medicine, but even if I was…how the hell would I take it? You wouldn’t believe what the boys in that room did with me either, let’s just say they weren’t using me to blow their noses, if you know what I mean.

Now it’s been 3 years since I was sent to the orphanage. New kids came and old kids went, but I seemed to be doomed to live there my entire life. I had nothing. The nuns hated me, children were scared of me, the only time I left the orphanage was when I went to my hospital appointments for hours of painful tests. I was beginning to realize I had no life, I had no future, but all that changed when the phone rang on one fateful August morning…….

Chaper 2: A New Hope….Coming soon.

  1. May 10, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    This is vintage Shaman’s Harvest.

  2. Alan
    May 10, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    ahaha, I don’t get it bro?

    • May 10, 2011 at 3:50 pm

      If you don’t watch WWE you won’t get it. Ahahahahaha.

      • Alan
        May 10, 2011 at 5:34 pm

        i got that part but a hand that’s a human is impossible dude! ahahaha

  3. May 10, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    You have a very unique perspective on life Shaman’s. I’m not entirely sure what liking this says about me …..

  4. May 10, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    I love the random topics….maybe someday you can do a story on the lack of love given to the Spanish announce table.

    • May 10, 2011 at 3:48 pm

      That would be awesome! It can be a story about abuse, racism, and hope.

      • May 10, 2011 at 3:53 pm

        or better yet…how about “Where is he now?” story featuring Mr. Socko?

    • May 10, 2011 at 4:33 pm

      Lmao, that would be awesome. That poor table has been through hell and back, especially during the Attitude Era.

      • May 10, 2011 at 6:11 pm

        During The Rock-Jericho match at the 2002 Royal Rumble, the King actually says at one point something like, “Not this table! The Spanish announce table is over there!”

  5. Capt. Smooth
    May 10, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Greatest column ever! That pic will scar me for life!

    • May 11, 2011 at 10:03 am

      That’s nice. More hate on Handrew. He wrote this column to teach people a lesson about equality and how everyone is equal – man, hand, and even women – and the fact that you think a wonderful picture of Handrew will scar you means you learnt nothing.

      Don’t worry Handrew! At least your voice is being heard!

    • May 11, 2011 at 2:07 pm

      Lol, I couldn’t find a good hand pic, but when I stumbled upon that one I just knew that had to be Handrew Henry.

  6. Capt. Smooth
    May 10, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    When does Handy get a legends figure?

    • May 11, 2011 at 10:04 am

      It won’t ever come out. He’ll reveal why eventually.

  7. May 11, 2011 at 11:50 am

    The funny thing is that if you weren’t writing about the hand, it would be a very sad story.

  8. May 11, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    I remember hearing something like that a few times, lol. I miss those days.

    Skip to 08:00.

    • May 11, 2011 at 4:14 pm

      I was going to skip to the 8minute mark, but damn Jericho and The Rock, yea im so watching the whole thing 🙂

  9. Mr.Redlight
    May 11, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    Spanish announce table FTW

    • May 11, 2011 at 4:50 pm

      Spanish announcers table’s finisher is “El Splinter”.

      • Capt. Smooth
        May 11, 2011 at 4:54 pm

        I thought it was the “HOLY SHIT!!!” chants.

        • May 11, 2011 at 6:06 pm

          The best holy shit moment was when Austin was in a big crane and dropped Triple H who was in a car and Triple H was like “HOOOOOOOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!” Everytime I see that I always rewind it a few times because its too funny.

          • Capt. Smooth
            May 11, 2011 at 7:37 pm

            I’d have to say Foley going off the Cell. That stunt turned him face.

            • May 14, 2011 at 6:49 pm

              Foley is better as a heel Cactus Jack.

              • Capt. Smooth
                May 14, 2011 at 7:56 pm

                I don’t know. Mr. Socko rules all.

  10. The Modern Native
    May 14, 2011 at 4:35 am

    I just wanted to say that Handrew is creepy looking. That’s messed up J. lol

    Funny stuff Shaman. Can’t wait for chapter 2.

    • May 14, 2011 at 6:53 pm

      Lol, being called creepy makes young Handrew sad and suicidal. He might kill himself before part 2 ever comes out.

  11. May 14, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    The best holy shit moment was when Austin was in a big crane and dropped Triple H who was in a car and Triple H was like “HOOOOOOOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!” Everytime I see that I always rewind it a few times because its too funny.

    Yeah I liked that too. I liked when Triple H is in the car and we can hear him saying, “Where are you Austin” and then next thing you know, Austin is lifting the car with the fork lift.

    • May 14, 2011 at 6:56 pm

      I will never forget that moment. It was truly epic. I was so surprised to see Triple H on Raw attacking Austin. He should have been DEAD after that, lol. It also helps that the actual match leading to that moment was awesome.

      • Capt. Smooth
        May 14, 2011 at 7:58 pm

        Remember when Austin filled up Vince’s car with cement?

        • May 15, 2011 at 1:39 pm

          That was great also. Every time Austin was near a vehicle mayhem would ensue. I liked when he had a Monster truck and rode all over The Rock’s limo destroying it in the process.

  1. December 30, 2011 at 9:38 pm

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