Home > Review, THE INFAMOUS JCITY™, The Infamous™ WWE Monday Night RAW Review, WWE > THE INFAMOUS™ WWE Monday Night RAW Review 5/16/11

THE INFAMOUS™ WWE Monday Night RAW Review 5/16/11

It’s been a while since I last reviewed a show so I’m sure my rustyness will shine through. Fuck it though. I can’t leave yall reading “Creative” bullet list reviews with over 50% of the bullet points being questions for the audience to come up with their own answers and shit. This is another long read at about 4,341 words. I never mean for these things to be long as fuck, but if I’m going to write a few times a week I want to make sure that I leave a lasting impression before I let the THE INFAMOUS CREW™ come through and bless the spot with some of the illest articles the IWC has ever witnessed. As for this review, like all my others, I give no match ratings. If you can’t figure out how I feel about a show I review from just reading the words I wrote then maybe reading is not your specialty. I’m just saying. Oh yea, for those that enjoy everything wrestling, I watch Rob Dyrdek’s “Fantasy Factory” on MTV and they recently had a wrestling inspired show featuring Roddy Piper, Tyson Kidd, Zack Ryder and Rob doing cool innovative moves never before seen in WWE. I definitely recomend a viewing when you have the time. It’s a pretty damn good episode. Anyways, this used to be known as THE REAL RAW SHYT, but now its THE INFAMOUS™ WWE Monday Night RAW Review. I think that name would register better on Google searches don’t you think? I’m not sure if I will do these weekly, but fuck next week, this is this week, so let’s get right to it.

The WWE Champion John Cena kicks off RAW by coming out looking revved up to give the crowd the entertainment they came to enjoy. Cena tries to spit some basic thugonomics to the San Antonio Texas crowd, but he is rudely interrupted by a guy who has no business being on Monday Night RAW to begin with, Alex Riley.

You see, Alex Riley was recently drafted to Smackdown in the supplemental draft a few weeks back, but every time I see Riley on TV you better believe your sweet ass that it’s on RAW. While being Miz’s sidekick was fun at the beginning, it loses all its luster when you over do it and let me break it to you honey, it was overdone a few months back, just like the Michael Cole vs Jerry “The King” Lawler storyline. So not only does the WWE throw away two draft picks on Cena, they also throw one away on Alex Riley. Another WWE Superstar could have benefited from a change of scenery, but we will never know because of this cancer of a man. Since I now consider Alex Riley to be a cancer to the RAW locker room it’s only appropriate that I bestow him with the diagnosis of the type of cancer he has become. Alex Riley, sorry to break it with you, but you are the colon cancer of the RAW brand. Why colon? Because Riley is so far up the Miz’s ass that it’s not even funny. Maybe that’s the easiest route he could find to the Miz’s heart, who knows? If he wants relationship tips he can confide in Cody Rhodes, I’m sure he’ll listen to all his problems, but if he wants a career tip then here goes nothing: TAKE YOUR ASS TO SMACKDOWN WHERE YOU BELONG AND RELEASE THE KUNG-FU GRIP YOU HAVE ON THE MIZ’S NUTSACK. Anyways, Alex Riley shows Cena a video package, (which im sure made Riley ejaculate prematurely on the main stage as he watched in awe) of Miz dominating Cena during the course of the last few months. Riley then introduces his man crush and Miz makes his way to the ring with Riley in tow and for some strange reason I’m 100% sure that Alex Riley wishes they were holding hands on the way to the ring.

When all three men are finally in the ring Alex Riley continues to stroke the Miz’s ego. Riley strokes it real good and The Miz seems pleased with his man servant. The fans give Riley a piece of their mind by directing a “You suck” chant his way. I think they might be seeing the same thing I am because Riley has really been sucking on Miz’s proverbial dick for at least 7 minutes now. Not only does he suck, but I think he needs a towel for the proverbial facial he received before John Cena started to dominate this promo. Right off the bat Cena hits Riley with the “You are as stupid as you are useless” line. I couldn’t agree more with Cena. Alex Riley serves no purpose, but to drain the Miz’s balls. Sorry for the rant, but he really needs to take his ass to Smackdown and start working on his own legacy. Isn’t that what he was fighting for on the second season of NXT? Ugh stupid Riley, anyways, Cena goes into a bit where he mentions things Miz would never say which goes a little something like:

Things The Miz Would Never Say

The Miz will never say: “You know what, I’m going to pass on those tickets to the Jonas Brothers”.

The Miz will never say: “I don’t think I want to pet play with my little pony anymore”.

The Miz will never say: “I’m The Miz and I have testicles”.

Hold on, did John Cena really insinuate that Miz is a dickless wonder? Or are the testicles lodged so far down Alex Riley’s throat that John Cena cannot fathom to see them? When are the mentions of testicles ever acceptable on PG programming? These are the questions that need to be fucking asked. Cena is a favorite among the children so why is he mentioning testicles? If your kid came home from school, would you like them to start talking about how someone exposed them to testicles? I was looking forward to writing about hard-hitting professional wrestling type action, not homoerotic soap opera narratives. I swear that these WWE creative writing guys are a bunch of incompetent imbeciles. This material is rubbish. To make matters worse, John Cena thinks it’s a damn shame that Miz doesn’t have testicles because he is going to need them at the upcoming Over The Limit PPV.  Now, I don’t know about the rest of you, but that is completely OVER THE DAMN LIMIT. Why would anyone in their right mind want to order a WWE PPV to see John Cena wrestle The Miz’s testicles? Anyone? I didn’t think so. That type of shit is reserved for Bravo, Oxygen, Lifetime and any other channel that features episodes of “Will And Grace”,  not the WWE. If I had to sum up this promo so far in one word, that word would be gay. Are these slight nods to homosexuality a way to appease G.L.A.A.D who came down on WWE for allowing John Cena to perform a homophobic rap towards The Rock after insinuating he was gay? I’m just saying, I wouldn’t rule out big gay and lesbian organizations from acting so petty and butthurt (you think they would be used to the hurting of the butt, don’t you think?)  since drag drama queens run rampant in that community. Before some people start bitching, let me be the first to say that I am not homophobic. I believe in a very good motto that goes “What you eat don’t make me shit”, so do whatever it is you do. As long as you ain’t hitting me up talking bout let’s go shopping or have some drinks in the hopes of getting into my pants then we are all good. THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ is the People’s Champion and I don’t discriminate. People interest me. Everyone is so different yet we all have the same basic needs. One day I will write something on people in general. Discuss stereotypes and the way different races view each other and such, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Back to the review……

John Cena then gets serious with The Miz and says that he smells the fear emanating from his frail chicken shit heel tuxedo wearing ass and guarantees victory this Sunday at the Over The Limit PPV. If anyone is ordering the PPV and might be interested in writing a review on it please let me know. Anyways, the Anonymous RAW General Manager sends Michael Cole an email on his Ipad (complete with wireless keyboard, so yes it is an Ipad not a laptop) and Cole reads that Miz will get to pick John Cena’s opponent and will also be able to pick the stipulation of the match for the main event. Miz doesn’t know who he will pick, but he promises that it will be awesome. I’m glad that segment is over. Now can we please get some damn wrestling up in this bitch?

CM Punk vs Kofi Kingston

Fuck yea!!!! On paper this match looks good, but after the way CM Punk got knocked the fuck out last week by Big Show I conditioned myself to not expect much from this match. Which his recent WWE contract expiring and no word if he ever signed a new deal I thought Punk would lose for sure since it is customary for talent to be buried on the way out of the WWE. This match was very brief, but fun. Kofi Kingston looked sure to win, but after missing a splash on Punk it was time for Kofi to “Go To Sleep”. Hopefully this is an inclination that WWE and Punk have finally came to some type of agreement. Without Punk; Mason Ryan, Michael Mcgillicutty and David Otunga would fade away into unemployment, but fuck them though, this is not about the Nexus, this is about CM Punk more than likely earning a match where he challenges for Kofi Kingston’s United States Championship. They might have an unannounced match for the title at the Over The Limit PPV. Why not? That’s the way Kofi won the title to begin with, at Extreme Rules. I would rather have a slow build in a match that culminates at the next PPV, but WWE likes to rush storylines for no other reason than that they can.

Winner: CM Punk

Quick backstage segment with The Miz trying to solicit the services of Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero is shown. I remember Ziggler really impressing me back in December/January in matches against Randy Orton, John Cena and Edge. Dolph was able to hang with the best and proved he belonged in the main event sooner rather than later. Now it seems like they pressed the reset button on Dolph and that’s a damn shame because they had a good character in him. From cheerleader in The Spirit Squad, to bleached blonde egomaniac to generic jobber. Dolph is so generic now he looks like the  first person you always get when you try to create a player in any video game. The default look. If I ever decide to have my hair cut I will be sure to ask the barber for a default. When he asks me what that is I will just show him a picture of the new Dolph Ziggler and no I wont be carrying his picture around on my person. That would be creepy as fuck. I can just google that motherfucker on my phone, lol.

Michael Cole mentions something about a contract signing between himself and Jerry “The King” Lawler. I can’t hardly wait for the suckfest that is known as Cole vs Lawler to continue. No, not really. I officially fucking hate that feud and no matter what they do or who they bring in I can honestly say that I really don’t give a fuck about this storyline anymore and I doubt that this contract signing will make me think otherwise.

Video highlighting Kharma decimating Eve last week was shown so that can only mean one thing, Divas action!!!!!

Kelly Kelly vs Brie Bella

I wonder how my wife would feel if she knew all the dirty thoughts that cross my mind every time Kelly Kelly appeared on my television screen. That woman looks absolutely amazing in HD. Mmmm mmmm mmmm. Whoever is hitting that is one lucky son of a bitch, and not just any regular bitch, but the queen of all bitches. Don’t get me wrong The Bella Whores Twins are fun to look at and I would imagine that they are double the fun, but they can’t hold a candle to my Kelly Kelly. This very short match proved just that, as Kelly Kelly proved to be the better diva. Kelly’s athleticism was unmatched by Brie and this victory should get Kelly Kelly an opportunity to challenge for Bri’s WWE Divas Championship.

Winner: Kelly Kelly

After the match the twins go on a rampage and start beating the crap out of Kelly Kelly. The beautiful Kelly is clearly outmatched as the vile vixens continue their assault on the Diva who’s name you have to say twice. Haven’t The Bellas heard that karma is a bitch. Speaking of bitches, Kharma’s laugh echos the arena as her menacing theme music fills the Divas with fear. Kharma seems to be obsessed with Kelly Kelly. I can’t say that I really blame her. Kelly 2x is fucking hot. Anyways, further displaying their combined IQ, The Bellas try to attack Kharma. What’s that line Cena used earlier? Oh yea, “You are as stupid as you are useless”, haha. Kharma unleashes Kharmageddon on one of the Bellas, I can’t really tell who is who between those two.

Kharma corners Kelly Kelly and flicks her in the forehead with her fingers? Weird. So in essence, Khama went through all of that just to fingerbang Kelly Kelly. Interesting.

Miz is shown backstage again, this time trying to convince The Big Show to wrestle John Cena later on in the main event.

WWE shows a video package promoting its new movie “That’s What I Am” which is a motivational tale set in the 1960’s featuring Randy Orton. I can’t say that I’m really interested in watching such a film, but my wife loves those type of movies so I’m sure I will see it eventually.

Rey Mysterio comes out and panders to the crowd. Rey demands that R-truth comes out and face him like a man so he can show him why he didn’t deserve to be in any main event. Rey seems furious over last weeks cowardly attack by R-truth and is seeking retribution.

Rey’s plans for revenge are put on hold as Alberto Del Rio’s theme blares throughout the arena. Ricardo Rodriguez proceeds to outdo Justin Roberts and Tony Chimel by providing one of the best introductions in wrestling today. Del Rio rides out to the arena in a 1979 Rolls Royce Arnage with an estimated price of over $100,000. If you ever wanted a translation of what the great Ricardo Rodriguez is saying then today is your lucky day:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, dirty disgraceful people of San Antonio, here on this night I present to you the man of every womans dreams and the envy of all men, he is a real noble man in a world full of chihuhas, he is the pride and joy of Mexico, he is ALBERRRRRRTOOOO DEEEEEEEL RRRRRRRRRRIOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!”

Del Rio cuts a promo putting down all of the wannabe Mexicans in the crowd. Del Rio considers himself to be a real Mexican and nothing like the peasants that are in attendance. Del Rio brags about how America begged him to leave Mexico in order to pursuit his dreams. Rey Mysterio takes offence to Del Rio’s promo so he goes on a pro Mexican rant and says that he is proud to be Mexican and also proud to be an American. Cue the “USA” chants. Anyways, Rey is pissed the fuck off and says that if R-Truth isn’t man enough to face him then he will shut Del Rio up once and for all and just like that we have our next match. Hopefully this one is longer than the previous matches.

Alberto Del Rio vs Rey Mysterio

The chemistry between these two men has gotten better over the course of time. I can really see them carrying this feud for years to come.  Hopefully a title will be added to the mix the next time these Mexican warriors cross paths. I enjoyed this match as both men fought hard for the little time they were given to showcase their chosen craft. A cameo by R-Truth in the crowd interrupting the match was a welcomed moment. Truth going on a rant about how somebody needs to call the cops because Rey is a thief was priceless. Something about an intimidating black man screaming for the police just screams irony and is the kind of twisted dark humor I find to be really amusing. The distraction didn’t take anything away from the actual match though. It went for about another minute. Rey was about to hit Del Rio with a 619, but Ricardo Rodriguez took the bullet for his boss.

Winner by disqualification: Rey Mysterio

After the match, Del Rio continued the attack on Rey leaving him vulnerable to a R-Truth run in. Truth beats the crap out of the Mexican hero and cuts a promo where he promises that this Sunday, Rey Mysterio will get got. I’m loving the heel turn and all, but “Get got”? Get got is slang for your going to get robbed of materialistic possessions. Used the way Truth used it though it means that he plans to steal Rey’s life. So not only are WWE promoting the fair usage of testicles at the Over The Limit PPV, but they are also selling the PPV on a death threat? I don’t know what kind of freaky deaky PPV the WWE thinks they will be airing this Sunday, but I think I’m going to be staying the hell away from it. Over The Limit indeed.

Miz is shown backstage trying to recruit CM Punk and Mason Ryan for the main event against Cena.

Michael Cole And Jerry “The King” Lawler Over The Limit Contract Signing

Before I start, let me do something that I never really do:

Dear God,

I am coming to you in prayer in hopes that you hear me. I know I haven’t really asked you for much and I haven’t exactly followed your path, but there is something that is beyond my control and I need your help. Please bring an end to the Michael Cole vs Jerry “The King” Lawler storyline. While I enjoyed their back and forth bickering at first, it is really starting to irk me. I have nothing against these men personally, but I would rather they stick to announcing and leave the time-wasting promos and wrestling to actual deserving superstars that are getting the proverbial shaft as a result of this tomfoolery. If you consider me worthy of such a request then I will forever follow your every word. If you can care less then keep it going. Shit, add a stupid kiss my foot stipulation to add insult to injury while you are at it.



Motherfucker!!!!!!! Not only have my prayers gone unanswered, but I have been cursed with exactly the thing I feared, Michael Cole vs Jerry “The King” Lawler in a Kiss My Foot Match. Fuck!!! This match has all the potential in the world to be worse than any of their previous matches combined. I do like the little twist that if Lawler losses he would give Cole his Hall Of Fame ring and personally induct him in the Hall Of Fame if Cole was ever chosen for such a prestigious honor, but still. In the mist of all of this, Jack Swagger just looks like an all American idiot by associating himself with the cancer that is Michael Cole. If Alex Riley is colon cancer then Cole can easily be considered cancer also. Testicular cancer.  Anyways, I have wasted enough time on this segment which I could only describe as filler material.

Miz is shown backstage trying to interest Kane in the main event match against John Cena.

The Big Show And Kane vs David Otunga And Michael Mcgillicutty

CM Punk managed to gain a victory over Kofi Kingston earlier in the show so I will be convinced that Punk reached a new deal with WWE if the weaker Nexus members go over the tag team champs. The Nexus haven’t been shit ever since CM Punk took over the stable. Not counting those few RAW’s where CM Punk was all about faith and sacrifice. If you can’t tell, I haven’t had faith in the Nexus since SummerSlam 2010. What started as a group of renegade vigilantes turned into John Cena whipping boys then ultimately high-class jobbers to the rest of the WWE roster. Potential talent, squandered.  Anyways, this was yet another short match won by the lower tier Nexus members. Of course they won with some interference provided by CM Punk, but a win is a win and Nexus desperately needed this victory.

Winners: David Otunga and Michael Mcgillicutty

By the way during this match it was announced that CM Punk and Mason Ryan will challenge Kane and The Big Show at TesticleFestival2011 Over The Limit for the WWE Tag Team Championships. So, Otunga and Cutty won the match, but Punk and Ryan get the title shot? I call shenanigans.

Miz is shown backstage trying to con R-Truth into the main event match against John Cena. Out of all the wrestlers Miz has tried to solicit, Truth seemed to be the one that showed the most interest in whatever diabolical plan Miz trying to sell him on.

WWE promotes its ALL*STARS videogame that came out right before Wrestlemania 27. It pits Legends against the Superstars of today in order to see who truly reigns supreme in WWE history. While this game sounds good on paper and its graphics are very fresh and crisp, the actual gameplay leaves a lot to be desired. Unlocking characters and extra attire (like using “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan instead of 80’s Hogan) can be quite frustrating so let me hook you up with some codes you input on the start screen if you happen to have this game and just ended up giving up on it like I did:

On the PS3:
Left, triangle, down, left, triangle, square, left, square, triangle, down, right, square, left, up, square, right.

On the 360:
Left, Y, Down, Left, Y, X, Left, X, Y, Down, Right, X, Left, Up, X, Right

If you really want an epic ass kicking game then get Mortal Kombat. It’s the only fighting game that is worth the money at the moment. Nothing even comes close.

The announcers run down the Over The Limit PPV card.

Scott Stamford interviews the WWE Tag Team champions who vow to retain their titles at Over The Limit.

In a moment that will make the IWC faithful soil their underwear in delight, “The Internet Champion” Zack Ryder makes his RAW cameo appearance by giving John Cena his very own Zack Ryder shirt. After last weeks fist pumping adventures it might be safe to say that Ryder and Cena seem to have a budding bromance on the horizon. Who books this shit, Pat Patterson? #WWWYKI

John Cena vs Jack Swagger in a No Holds Barred Match

Jack Swagger comes out and establishes dominance early on by attacking Cena from behind. In the ring Swagger controls all of the action before the match goes to a commercial. Hold on if I veer off track, but if Miz had the power to choose anyone he wanted to be Cena’s opponent then why was he backstage trying to convince numerous people to accept the match when he could just force them into it? Michael Cole says The Miz is a genius, but if he was a genius then he should have made this a handicap match or maybe a gauntlet, in order to maximize the amount of damage John Cena takes before Over The Limit this Sunday. Great match by the way, Swagger defiantly looked strong in this match throwing Cena into the barricade then hitting him with a laptop and then a steel chair. Swagger’s momentum finally came to an end when Cena ducked one of Swagger’s moves sending him head first into a steel chair that Jack himself set up himself on the ropes. Cena then hits all his patented moves and makes Swagger tap the fuck out to the STFU.

Winner: John Cena

After the match The Miz comes out with his BFF Alex Riley and runs down all the different ways he can beat John Cena at Over The Limit this Sunday, which include:

All The Different Ways The Miz Will Beat John Cena At Over The Limit This Sunday Live On PPV

The Miz will beat John Cena by beating him up so badly he will have no choice but to say “I Quit!”.

The Miz will throw John Cena off the main stage and watch as Cena crashes face first into the concrete.

The Miz will put John Cena on the stage and crash a big ass camera on his bitch ass.

The Miz will ram John Cena over and over again until he can’t stand up… using the steel steps of course.

Miz says that he will not use any of those ways to beat Cena because there are a million ways to beat Cena. Miz promises that he is the must ruthless person Cena has ever encounter and vows to walk out of Over The Limit as the WWE Champion by beating Cena in a way nobody has ever seen. Miz then does the unthinkable, he so gently lays the pipe down on John Cena!!!! STOP THE PRESSERS!!!!! (R-Truth said that earlier when he ment to say “Stop the presses”, and that’s the motherfucking truth). It’s like Miz is really trying to show John Cena what kind of testicles he truly possess with each stroke of his pipe.

Not to be out done, John Cena grabs the pipe and starts laying it on both The Miz and Alex Riley. Alex Riley looked like he was on the verge of climax when Cena whacked him with his pipe. Cena then pounds on The Miz before Miz feels like he had enough and exits the ring. Cena starts getting pissed his pipe laying session was getting cut prematurely so he cuts an angry promo promising to pound The Miz so hard at Over The Limit that he will scream “I Quit!”.

I’m sorry if that came off as homoerotic, but I am clearly working with what WWE has provided me with and on this specific Monday night, if I had to pick one word to describe this episode of Monday Night RAW it would be….gay. Not gay as in sexuality, even though John Cena and The Miz did have their moments, but gay in a “Hey there, that’s a mighty gay shirt you have on” kinda way.

That’s all I got. *Fades2Black*

  1. Ace O. Hart
    May 18, 2011 at 3:11 am

    Great Review, I had already seen the show, but I always enjoy a good article. I’ve been on the Alex Riley should his own thing bandwagon for a long time now and while I think it was good to get him tv time, I’m actually interested to see where he can go on his own. We shall see. Also, it felt like WWE may have read my Rankings article this last week. CM Punk and Jack Swagger just days after being in my bottom 5 were given fresh new pushes, with Swagger teasing a face turn as early as Over the Limit and Punk finally doing SOMETHING! WWE Creative is definitely interested in what I have to say…

    • May 18, 2011 at 5:14 pm

      Creative reads the stuff online, don’t let them tell you otherwise. They are even infiltrating the IWC like that “Creative Recall” douche and the IWantWrestling dude. I like Lagana because he post stuff as a fan and seems like a laid back person, “Creative” asshole all he does is bitch and complain and claims he can come up with good stuff for the wrestlers, but when he was in WWE in 2009 it was the most horrible booked show in existence. Plus I can’t believe people actually like those bullet point style Raw reviews, that shit is uber wackness personified. No hate though, just observations.

  2. Ace O. Hart
    May 18, 2011 at 3:12 am

    Oh and also, I’ll probably be ordering Over the Limit, so I’m willing to volunteer my services to review it.

    • May 18, 2011 at 5:18 pm

      If you order it and want to review then go for it, who am I to say you shouldn’t, lol.

      • Capt. Smooth
        May 18, 2011 at 5:20 pm

        I may do a live reaction report via message board. Not sure.

        • May 18, 2011 at 5:47 pm

          I wish 2 girls and 1 cup just came out so I can get some live reactions to that, lol.

          • Capt. Smooth
            May 18, 2011 at 5:49 pm

            Try Youtube.

  3. May 18, 2011 at 4:07 am

    I watched that Fantasy Factory episode. “The Factory” is one of the shows I got on “Series Record” on my DVR. Great episode….the in-ring wrestling between Rob and Drama was very sloppy in the beginning. If they were on Tough Enough, those two would make Eric and Skidmarks look like WWE Hall of Famers. But Rob looked like a pro once he was in front of a live WWE crowd. His skateboard spot on Zack Ryder was surprisingly good. I’m sure that the people in Atlanta enjoyed that Piper/Dyrdek vs. Kidd/Ryder match was more than the Lawler vs. Cole match. I also find it really funny that Ryder gets more TV time on an MTV show than he does on any of the televised WWE shows.

    • May 18, 2011 at 5:23 pm

      Even though MTV now only plays music videos at like 4am I still check it out. I have Real World, Fantasy Factory and The Hard Times Of RJ Burger on series record (among other things like all wrestling, SouthPark, Bobs Burgers, Terminator: The Sara Connor Chronicles etc etc). I’ve been watching Rob since the first season of Rob and Big. They had another wrestling show before, I think it was about Lucha Libre in Mexico so Rob’s a fan. I would have prefered to see that match with Tyson Kidd and Zack Ryder than the Snooki match that actually took place at Wrestlemania.

      • May 18, 2011 at 7:56 pm

        MTV should bring back Sunday Night Heat. Just once a month…do a live show on the night of a PPV so we get a chance to see what the set looks like and the WWE gets one last chance to plug the PPV. I miss those live Sunday Night Heat shows.

        • May 18, 2011 at 11:49 pm

          Fuck yea Sunday Night Heat was awesome in its prime. I used to always watch that before PPVs and try to get my dad to order the PPV. Lots of dark matches throughout the years that the fans at home are deprived of. I also remember WWF Shotgun too. I used to stay up late at night and sneak to the living room to watch that at like 2am , lol.

      • May 20, 2011 at 3:01 am

        The WWE was nice enough to put all the good parts of that Fantasy Factory episode into a short youtube video.

  4. Stephen
    May 18, 2011 at 4:51 am

    This was better than I thought it would be, but seriosly you need to leave the reviews to the guys who already do it and just go back to posting tits.

    • May 18, 2011 at 5:31 pm

      Other people review RAW, other people post tits. Nothing new under the sun. I like to believe I give a way different look at things than other writers do. No knock on anyone, but there is only one RAW review I find worthy and I will try my best to surpass it, in my own mind at least.

      Plus I can post whatever the fuck I want. Tits are great, but I would be alienating viewers and I don’t want that. If you want tits look at Shaman’s Mae young post.

  5. May 18, 2011 at 6:44 am

    Great review. Btw, I didn’t see Randy’s movie yet, but its the only WWE movie with good reviews (Rotten Tomatoes – 60% all critics…100% top critics).

    Oddly I agree with you on the homoerotic thing (and I’m usually very sensitive about saying these things, since I have a lot of gay friends). I remember when, a few weeks ago, Michael Cole took a 619 in order to protect Swagger. Not only that but I remember the bitch slap he gave him before that and it totally reminded me of the discussions my gay neighbor used to have with his long time, in the closet boyfriend.

    • May 18, 2011 at 5:38 pm

      Thanks. I actually like WWE films for some odd reason and thought Legendary was actual good for the message it had. I have read that this movie has a great anti-bully message. It doesn’t look like my cup of tea though since it is set in the 60’s, but I’m not going to say it sucks just because WWE films made the movie.

      I think I have to find a new writing style because describing what goes on in wrestling might come of uber gay example “Oh no!!! CM Punk is taking a pounding, but he has the will to win this bout. Kane grabs Punk and Slams him down on the mat. Kane lays on top of Punk for a two count. CM Punk desperatly holds on to Kane, the sweat dripping of his body as he uses Kane to prop himself up. CM Punk rolls Knane up with a small package. Kane tries to wiggle away but CM Punk wins with a hand full of thights. CM Punk starts pounding on Kane until he’s had enough, then leaves Kane some cab fare and exits the ring”. See that, that was pretty damn gay, lol.

  6. Mr.Redlight
    May 18, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    i got smackdown if you want it. I goin to a rave friday night but i will watch it on youtube and send it to you 🙂

    • May 18, 2011 at 5:40 pm

      Damn, I haven’t been to a rave in years!!! Stay on the lookout for glow tits. Its where a girl with pierced nipples walks around with glowsticks hanging from her tits and she swings them around and stuff, its awesome.

      How the hell you seen Smackdown already?

      • Mr.Redlight
        May 18, 2011 at 5:59 pm

        lol i meant like during the day on youtube on friday

        • Capt. Smooth
          May 18, 2011 at 6:02 pm

          I thought you could time travel! 1.21 gigawatts!!!

          • May 18, 2011 at 6:07 pm

            Getting gas for the Deloreon has to be a bitch in these times.

            • Capt. Smooth
              May 18, 2011 at 7:34 pm

              The scary part is that we are only 5 years from part 2.

              • Mr.Redlight
                May 18, 2011 at 10:59 pm

                i feel let down that we didnt get those pointless inventions lol

                • Capt. Smooth
                  May 19, 2011 at 6:27 am


  7. Sargon
    May 18, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    “Who books this shit, Pat Patterson?”


    • Mr. Socko
      May 18, 2011 at 1:55 pm

      Yeah, 1 the comment making fun of homosexuals. Great move. Ok review by the way JCity, hopefully shorter next time though.

  8. Mike Brazil
    May 18, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Wasn’t a fan of raw this past week. At least CM Punk won.

    • Capt. Smooth
      May 18, 2011 at 5:14 pm

      Punk won the way the IWC bitches that Cena wins. He gets his ass kicked the whole match, hits his opponent with his finishing move and wins.

      • May 18, 2011 at 5:42 pm

        Triple H was the master in that style of wrestling, so was Hulk Hogan. The difference is CM Punk isn’t handed the world on a silver platter and has to bust his ass to get to where he is at.

        • Capt. Smooth
          May 18, 2011 at 5:50 pm

          Still, it is selective outrage.

          • May 18, 2011 at 5:53 pm

            Too bad Cena isn’t black, then it would be considered racism and I’m sure I could write something good on that, damn.

            • Capt. Smooth
              May 18, 2011 at 5:55 pm

              Fo shizzle!

            • The Modern Native
              May 18, 2011 at 6:36 pm

              Darren Young?

              • Capt. Smooth
                May 18, 2011 at 7:35 pm

                Forgot about him!

    • May 18, 2011 at 5:45 pm

      I’m sure Smackdown will at least have longer matches, thats all I wanted from this RAW.

  9. Max
    May 18, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    I must say that this was a very good review. Even though there are no match ratings I found this to be entertaining and not just a recap for the sake of recapping. I think you should do this weekly but thats your choice. The prayer was a nice touch.

    • May 18, 2011 at 11:02 pm

      Thanks. Some say I had some of the greatest reviews ever, but with a review, you revisit the same material, over and over and yea that gets boring when you have told the same joke or made the same observation week after week. I might do it again or I might not (if I don’t it will add to the infamy hahahahahahahahahaha).

  10. TKO
    May 18, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    Like I said, not enough wrestling. Not enough strides for the future. Lot of the same old shit but I’m still gonna watch. Great writeup. Length is a good thing aka size does matter (dont let a woman lie to you) This is a full review. Say I couldn’t watch the show (not likely) this kinda in depth shit basically puts me where I need to be. Although it was a weak show, this review was entertaining. Aint that a bitch, a review is better than the actual product.

    If Cena wins thats the most predictable shit of all time. I QUIT MATCH AT OVER THE LIMIT 2 YEARS IN A ROW…get the f outa here


  11. May 18, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    The review will always be better than the show. I wish I had a better show to review and this would have been way better, lol. All matches could have been longer, but they wasted the time on Lawler and Cole. If they wan’t to be gay about it then I will make the review gay as fuck if they give me epic shit then I will say epic shit, word. Lol.

  12. Capt. Smooth
    May 19, 2011 at 6:29 am

    TKO :Like I said, not enough wrestling. Not enough strides for the future. Lot of the same old shit but I’m still gonna watch. Great writeup. Length is a good thing aka size does matter (dont let a woman lie to you) This is a full review. Say I couldn’t watch the show (not likely) this kinda in depth shit basically puts me where I need to be. Although it was a weak show, this review was entertaining. Aint that a bitch, a review is better than the actual product.
    If Cena wins thats the most predictable shit of all time. I QUIT MATCH AT OVER THE LIMIT 2 YEARS IN A ROW…get the f outa here

    Cena’s always good in these types of matches and I’m curious to see how Miz will do in one.

    • May 19, 2011 at 7:28 pm

      Might as well make funeral arrangements for The Miz cuz Cena is a force of nature in these kinda matches.

      • TKO
        May 19, 2011 at 7:36 pm

        thats why i think its a swerve, some clever bs that has nothing to do with wrestling. why have the same match with the same result 2 years in a row. dispite my diss song i like John Cenas potential, i like the larger than life shit cuz someone beating him is a big deal BUT being too predictable is getting old.

        I say they either make miz win in some clever way or he loses in a strong way. if he doesnt quit or refuses to until pushed to the absolute limit, then he’s been made. similar to austin vs bret hart. cena could even raise his Miz hand out of respect which could lead to Miz standing there (depending on the crowd) and get some kind of ovation. He has no bigger opponents so turn him face. i can see it

        • Capt. Smooth
          May 19, 2011 at 7:39 pm

          Have Miz kidnap a bus full of kids like a supervillian and have Cena save the kids and F.U. the bus into the ocean.

        • May 19, 2011 at 7:57 pm

          I think Miz pulls the upset. Even if he loses, I agree. There is no better opportunity to turn Miz face then after a very grueling match against Cena.

          • Capt. Smooth
            May 20, 2011 at 6:11 am

            I miss face turns like that.

  13. May 19, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    Hey guys, make sure you come check out my twin brothers article over at Twintalkwrestling.com. An awesome piece on ideas for a tag team resurgence. Thanks!

  14. MEek3rz
    May 21, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    blah 🙂 my blog was way better

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: