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THE INFAMOUS™ WWE Monday Night RAW Review 5/30/11

THE INFAMOUS™ WWE Monday Night RAW Review 5/30/11

by THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ 

Sorry for the delay. I was planning on putting this out last night when I got home, but I was having Internet connectivity issues which weren’t resolved until this morning. I was going to end up scrapping this and writing something else, but I had completed about 85% of this review before my Internet started fucking up so I wasn’t going to let all my time and effort go to waste. Like they say, better late than never. Anyways, enough about me, let’s get into that RAW shit.

Before RAW kicks off WWE shows a Memorial Day video package paying homage to all those who have sacrificed their lives fighting for my freedom. I will always be indebted to those brave men and women who have fought to the death just so I can say whatever the fuck it is that I want to say. I will always be a proud American and carry on the traditions of Memorial Day and the Fourth of July. God bless America and may all those patriots rest in peace.

So RAW kicks off with R-Truth getting crunk at the concession stand, but I can’t hear a damn fucking thing. A technical difficulty screen pops up and it’s apparent that somebody in the production truck fucked up. This was highly upsetting because from the little bit of audio that I do hear, this would have been one of R-Truth’s more epic promos to date. Whoever fucked up should be stoned to death. Since I don’t feel like deciphering Milli Vanilli style lip syncing (I guess there is a 7 second delay just in case someone lets a cuss word slip out), I will just create my own dialoge using images provided by the fine folks at WWE.com.

R-Truth:  “How many of you Little Jimmies were planning on buying this shirt? This red John Cena shirt, that if you wash with bleach will turn pinker than the Pink Panthers anus? Don’t you know that this shirt was created by the propaganda machine to brainwash all you Little Jimmies? Don’t be dumb Little Jimmy. You need some R-Truth gear. Not this shirt, this red shirt that looks like a used tampon.”

R-Truth: “And how many of you Little Jimmies were planning on buying this John Cena “Legendary” DVD? This movie is “Legendary” alright. The amount of suckage in this DVD is legendary and that’s the truth!!! You Little Jimmies wouldn’t know a good movie if it bit you in the ass. Fuck all that though, when is WWE gonna release a R-Truth DVD?  That would be one bad mamma jamma. They can even put some of my raps as DVD extras, but WWE will never do it as long as the color of my skin is darker than Wesley Snipes with a tan. This is some racist bullshit!!!!!”

R-Truth: “Lets see, you got Triple H shirts, but he doesn’t even wrestle. Miz shirts, but he fucking sucks. Kofi Kingston shirts, ok, ok, maybe some black guys do get pushed, but I bet he has pictures of Vince McMahon sucking a midget’s cock and is blackmailing his way to superstardom. Then you have all this damn John Cena shit. FUCK!!!!! I’m sick of seeing John Cena merchandise everywhere I fucking turn!!!!! Where the hell is the merchandise for Truth? This is a fucking conspiracy. I swear yall if I see John Cena’s face on another piece of merchandise I’m going to get buckwild up in this motherfucker.”

R-Truth:  “I ain’t fucking playing either. You Little Jimmies are going to regret ever cheering for this motherfucker. John Cena must die!!! And how the fuck does Zack Ryder have a shirt for sale when that motherfucker is regulated to Superstars? I’m a fucking RAW Superstar. That’s the A show. Ryder is on the Z show, so where is my fucking shirt? I am more talented than all these white devils combined!!!! Fuck this shit though, I got a show to open.”

R-Truth:  “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!!! A cup? A fucking cup? This conspiracy fucking ends NOW!!!!!!!!!!”

R-Truth:  “FUCK ALL OF THIS SHIT!!!!!! Fuck your John Cena shirts, wristbands, pendents, hats and cups. Especially those bitch ass cups!!!”

Concession Stand Owner:  “What the fuck are you doing to my stand?”

R-Truth:  “Get the fuck out of my face you Little Jimmy loving bastard, before your ass gets got!!!!!!!”

*R-Truth walks away looking pissed the fuck off*

Concession Stand Owner:  “Damn, this is not whats up. Now I have to clean this shit up. Who the hell was that lunatic?”

Random Little Jimmy:  “That was R-Truth.”

Concession Stand Owner:  “R-Who?”

R-Truth:  “All you Little Jimmies make me sick with your John Cena merchandise. Every time I see one of you motherfuckers wearing that hideous red shirt I feel like throwing up. All of you look like idiots wearing that crap.”

*Little Jimmies start booing*

R-Truth:  “You shouldn’t boo me, yall should be booing yall selfs. I can’t believe I catered to you pieces of shit. All you Little Jimmies are the very definition of lame. John Cena sucks big hairy elephant cocks and so do all of you.”

Little Jimmies:  “WHAT?”

R-Truth:  “You better cool it with that damn WHAT? All you Little Jimmies are blinded by the propaganda machine. You are all brainwashed sheeple. Don’t be mad at me for speaking the damn truth up in this bitch!!!”

R-Truth:  “Tell me I don’t see what I think I see. Hey broham, why the fuck do you have your Little Jimmies wearing this John Cena bullshit? I should slap the black off you, you Flavor Flav looking bastard. We should stick together and fight the machine. You disgust me Big Jimmy. Say something you Uncle Tom sell out motherfucker!!!”

Big Black Jimmy:  “What’s up?”

*Little Jimmies start laughing*

R-Truth:  “Oh, so you think your fucking funny? We’ll see who’s fucking funny when I beat John Cena down to the ground bitch.”

John Cena:  “Gee willikers! What has crawled up your butt lately?”

R-Truth:  “Don’t you patronize me. I am here to tell everybody the truth about you.”

John Cena:  “The truth huh? Do you want to hear some truth? THE CHAMP IS HERE!!!!!!!!”

R-Truth:  “You just don’t get it do you? I have to get rid off you to end this conspiracy once and for all.”

John Cena:  “Conspiracy? You are nuttier than squirrel turds. You used to be cool. What the hell happened to you?”

R-Truth:  “Used’ta is a rooster from Brewster motherfucker!!!”

John Cena:  “Didn’t you use that line last week? Well since we are doing things the way we used to in the past let me kick a little freestyle if I may.”

R-Truth:  “Go ahead you fake Vanilla Ice wannabe. Show these Little Jimmies how much you suck at rapping.”

John Cena:  “Well, here goes… You talk about conspiracies, C’mon son, you’re obsessed with Little Jimmy, but I bet you have a small Johnson.”

*Little Jimmies chant Cena’s name as John Cena laughs at R-Truth*

R-Truth:  “That doesn’t even make any damn sense. In case you didn’t notice I’m black. My schlong is long like King Kong smoking a bong.”

John Cena:  “Some one really needs to beat some damn sense into you and it might as well be me.”

R-Truth:  “If your feeling frogish leap bitch. Just don’t forget to put that WWE Championship on the line.”

Michael Cole:  “Hey guys, I hate to interrupt your little lovers quarrel, but the RAW Anonymous General Manager said that if I don’t read this email then he will find me and sodomize me deeper and harder than Heidenreich ever could so here goes, and I quote “Let’s make this match official. In tonight’s main event we will see R-Truth compete against John Cena and no Little Jimmies will be allowed at ringside.”

R-Truth:  “Fuck yea bitches!!! John Cena, you’re gonna get got!!!”

That’s the way I envisioned the opening segment to be. The technical difficulties really made this difficult to enjoy which is a damn shame because I have highly enjoyed anything with R-Truth in it as of late. He has really come into his own. I do however think they are rushing him into the main event scene rather quickly as I feel that he should have had a few months to develop his new heel character, but I guess that John Morrison’s injury speed up the process.

Kharma will address the WWE Universe later on in the show and explain her emotional breakdown from last week.

Some old geezers were shown backstage eating watermelon and chilling by a kiddie pool as they celebrated Memorial Day.

Kofi Kingston vs Dolph Ziggler

Back when Dolph Ziggler had won the Intercontinental Championship from Kofi Kingston he defended the championship in hard-fought battles which had the IWC claiming he was the future of the company. Dolph then dropped the title back to Kofi Kingston and went on to have a World Heavyweight Championship feud with Edge. Back then, Dolph’s work ethic was so damn good that he kinda reminded me of a new generation Curt Henning. From the hair, to the theme song that proclaims his so called perfection, I though Dolph was going to go on to bigger and better things, but I was dead wrong. While Dolph is considered a World Heavyweight Championship in WWE history, his championship reign was a fluke and a half. I’ve taken shits longer and more prestigious than his championship reign. Instead of making Ziggler a credible threat, which I think he was more than ready for, the WWE decided that Dolph needed to rot in midcard hell for a while longer so they made him change his look. He went from looking like Mr. Perfect’s long-lost illegitimate bastard son to looking like a 2005 version of Randy Orton (minus the tats). With his new generic look, Dolph went on to accomplish a whole hell of alot of nothing. So he dyes his hair back to his signature blonde, but was that enough to elevate him back to a Curt Henning like level? Well, not exactly. Ziggler now reminds me of a 2011 version of “Bad Ass” Billy Gunn and that is not a compliment. For some reason Ziggler seems like a big fan of the fudge packing, just like Billy Gunn ended up being. The similarities cannot be denied, for fucks sake Dolph even does Billy Gunn’s signature Fame Asser move. Anyways, this was a good match as both men know each others styles since they have only wrestled each other like 50 million times on Smackdown. Dolph manages to roll Kofi up with the Zig Zag for the win.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

One thing that really stood out in this match was the commentary and no Michael Cole wasn’t being a douche like usual, it was the hatred spewing out of Jerry “The King” Lawler’s mouth. I don’t know if Lawler had tried to solicit Vicki Guerrero for sexual favors and got rejected or if he is just a woman hater, but Lawler kept calling Vicki a fat ass to the point where it came off as juvenile. This type of behavior is counterproductive to WWE’s anti bullying campaign and it sends the wrong message to all the Little Jimmies watching at home. By the way, fuck what Lawler said, Vicki has lost a considerable amount of weight and looks to be in the best shape of her life. Sticking to a weight loss regiment while being on the road constantly is no easy task so props go out to Vicki for shedding those pounds and making Lawler look like an incompetent idiot.

Michael Cole promises to make Alex Riley apologize to The Miz for his actions last week.

Ricardo Rodriguez is out and now it’s time to translate some spanish for those who would like to know what the hell this guy is saying.

“Ladies and gentlemen, here on this night I present to you, the real star of this company, he is a man that everyone can see, but they cannot touch, he is the essence of excellence and the pride and joy of Mexico, he is ALBERRRRRTO DEEEEEEEEL RRRRRRRRIO!!!!!”

Del Rio comes out in an Audi R8 with an estimated price of $160,000. The announcers talk about what happened last week when Ricardo hit The Big Show with Del Rio’s car and Lawler says that Ricardo doesn’t even have his driver’s license and he would be surprised if he even had a green card. Lawler is coming off as a spiteful old man tonight. It seems that Michael Cole’s douchenozzleness is rubbing off on him, but I digress. Del Rio then shows footage from last weeks literal hit and run. He seems extremely happy to have been an accomplice to such a crime. This is WWE though so I doubt The Big Show will press any charges on the Mexican aristocrat. Del Rio asks Ricardo to tells us what happened, which he does, in spanish. Lucky for you, I am able to translate and this is what he said:

“Look, for starters that animal put himself in front of the car and scared me. Since he scared me I accidentally put my foot on the accelerator instead of the brakes, so it wasn’t my fault.” 

Del Rio says that its ok because The Big Show deserved it. Bad things happen to bad people and Show had it coming to him. Big Show now owns Del Rio money for damaging his car. Wait, what? How the fuck does that work? If anything Big Show should sue Del Rio and his insurance company. I’m sure he can get a nice settlement out of this, after all it’s all on tape. Out of all the potential feuds that Del Rio could have gotten himself into on RAW, I can’t say that I am too excited for a feud with Big Show unless it ends up with Del Rio breaking his arm thus taking away Big Show’s knockout punch and chokeslam finishers. The way the story is set up though I have a feeling that The Big Show will destroy Del Rio when he returns. Hopefully Del Rio is a bit higher up the card when this happens and even though I doubt it happens, I hope he comes out on top in this feud. Big Show has had his career and I don’t ever see him ever being a serious threat for the WWE Championship anytime soon so he should put Del Rio over. Time will tell.

Rey Mysterio vs CM Punk is advertised for later on in the show.

Backstage segment with Eve and Kelly Kelly stretching before their upcoming match. Eve looks awesome and so did her rack. Nice job by the camera man getting a nice close up of her chesticles. I would rather see Eve backstage doing random shit than seeing her trying to wrestle, but maybe I’m in the minority. To be honest though, I would rather see her in a hardcore porn catching a few loads on that Jay Leno chin of hers, but I digress.

The Bella Twins vs Eve Torres and Kelly Kelly

This match sandwich was delicious. So many layers, textures and flavors that it felt orgasmic as I enjoyed watching eating it. I wish this match sandwich never ended. Mmmm, nothing like an appetizing snack to help this review go along. Too bad it came at the expense of a Divas match. We all know that WWE Diva matches are the epitome of all sports entertainment. These fantastic ladies always put on the best possible matches and I feel empty inside because I missed most of this epic encounter. By the time I was done with my sandwich I saw Kelly Kelly rubbing her ass in one of the Bella’s faces and I wished it was me taking that move. I would so… let me stop before I get too carried away. There might be a few Little Jimmies reading this and I don’t want to get them aroused with my fantasies of eating Kelly Kelly out from behind. That would be wrong on so many levels so I won’t go there. Anyways, Kelly picks up the win with a move Dolph Ziggler utilized earlier in the night, Billy Gunn’s Fame Asser.

Winners: Eve Torres and Kelly Kelly

We are reminded that Kharma will speak about her breakdown last week and coming up next, Michael Cole will try to get that apology out of Alex Riley.

A clip is shown of Omaha natives enjoying a Memorial Day BBQ.

Sir Michael Cole is glad that Miz justifiably fired Alex Riley as his personal assistant, especially after his actions last week. Cole compares Riley’s betrayal of Miz to be of biblical proportions the likes of Judas. He doesn’t understand why the RAW GM just signed Riley to RAW as an active competitor. I guess that puts the whole Riley is a Smackdown wrestler complaint to rest. Cole then shows the awesome footage from last week when Riley beat the ever living shit out of The Miz after Miz provoked him. I loved that segment. Anyways, Alex Riley comes out and he has his own theme music now. Cole berates Riley for last weeks decision. He goes through all the history between Miz and Riley and demands an apology. Riley isn’t trying to hear it though and tells Cole to shut up and that he is really starting to get annoying just like The Miz. Cole then calls Riley a bastard and Riley pushes Cole down to the mat. Before Riley can kick Cole’s ass, out comes The Miz seeking retribution for last week. Miz has the advantage for a bit, but this ends up just like last week. Either that or I have a bad case of the déjà vu.

I must admit that I am really into this feud. Alex Riley has great intensity. I don’t think this is his finest moment thought. That would be the season finale of NXT season 2 where all the NXT losers beat up all Kaval and all the pros, but for some reason Alex Riley starts beating the crap out of Percy Watson who was on his side. Now that was a true Alex Riley classic moment, but I digress. My favorite spot was when Riley threw Miz over a barricade, then leaped over the barricade to continue his assault on his former boss. That was pretty fucking awesome. That was followed up with Riley throwing Miz over the announce table before Miz ran away like a little bitch. I must say that I truly enjoyed this moment and even though I havent really seen nothing of note in-ring wise from Riley, I am excited to see what he can bring to the table in such a high-profile feud. This is definitely a make or break situation for Riley and so far he is making it. Can’t wait to see more of this.

It’s just a shame that such a wonderful friendship had to end on such a sour note. These guys were inseparable and it just goes to show that all good things must come to an end.

Footage from last weeks tag team main event was shown were Rey Mysterio scored the pinfall victory over CM Punk after Bret Hart intervened and locked Punk in a sharpshooter.

CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio

I never understood the IWC’s hatred towards Rey Mysterio. I understand that they tend to hate on most of the faces and Mysterio is one of the top faces in WWE, but unlike John Cena, Rey can actually wrestle his ass off. I have been enjoying his matches as of late and this was another good effort by Mr. 619. It’s a shame that both of his World Championship runs were absolute crap, he deserves better than that. I do find it a bit odd that Rey decided to wear Nexus colors while wrestling CM Punk, but I will chalk that up to coincidence. Another guy that deserves to be a bit higher up on the card is CM Punk. He is golden on the mic and can carry a good quality match just like this one. I have no idea what way his contract dispute is going. One week he gets buried then he pulls of a win then the next week he gets buried and then he wins again. I don’t fucking know anymore and I’m starting not to care. Anyways, this was an intense match that had me on the edge of my seat so if you haven’t watched RAW then you might want to track this one down. They made the best out of the time they were given and evil prevailed here as Punk picks up the victory using the same kick he used on The Big Show last week that ended up costing him his Tag Team Championship.

Winner: CM Punk

A video package was shown highlighting “Stone Cold” Steve Austins recent visit to the Jimmy Fallon show where he stopped by to promote the new season of Tough Enough.

Kharma comes out and tells us that she was too much of a whore that couldn’t keep her legs closed. You see Kharma hates condoms and if she takes a dick, you better believe that it’s going to be a RAW dick. Dont get me started on the Kharma is so fat she thought a creampie was a delicious dessert type jokes. All jokes aside, congratulations go out to Kharma for tricking some poor sap into having sex with her on realizing her dreams of becoming a mother. I wish her nothing but the best, even though her timing was horrible and extremely unprofessional considering that she finally made it to the WWE after years of wrestling in TNA and other independent wrestling promotions. I found it amusing when she said that Jim Ross told her that she couldn’t be a WWE Diva because she was too fat. Ross isn’t exactly the poster boy for physical fitness so that was unintentionally hilarious.

For some reason the Bella Sluts Twins come out and start making fun of Kharma. They come of as cowardly bullies since they know Kharma can’t get physical due to her high risk pregnancy. They call Kharma a big fat blimpy looking bitch. The funniest part about all of this is how Lawler acts all disgusted with the Bella’s fat jokes when he was just cracking a few of them himself on Vicki Guerrero. Hypocrisy at its finest. Anyways, Kharma hopes that the Bellas are there when she returns in a year because she plans on destroying the identical cocksuckers twins.

Another Obama press conference video was shown promoting the upcoming Capital Punishment PPV. If Obama shows up at the PPV and costs John Cena the WWE Championship I would so mark the fuck out.

People were shown celebrating Memorial Day by playing volleyball outside.

Jack Swagger vs Evan Bourne

This was a rematch from last week where Jack Swagger beat Evan Bourne then got kicked by Bourne after the match. Swagger dominated most of this short match, but Bourne pulled off the win from out of nowhere. Nothing to get too excited over, but I guess this means we will have yet another short match between these two since they are now tied 1-1.

Winner: Evan Bourne

R-Truth was shown backstage talking to himself. He said that people thing he’s so nuts they might as well call him Nutty Buddy.

John Cena was then shown backstage and he bumps into overrated internet sensation Zack Ryder, who happens to be carrying his little toy belt dubbed the “Internet Championship”. Hey Zack, if you happen to read this, I challenge you for that championship. I will even put up one of my replica championships on the line. Hey, if you happen to win that will be the closest you ever get to holding a legit WWE Championship, so what do you say, broski?

WWE was kind enough to show us some of the stuff that happened earlier during its technical difficulties.

R-Truth vs John Cena

The epic battle of the jean wearing superstars is finally taking place. There is so much denim in the ring that I do not feel worthy of watching this for free on RAW. This should be on a Levis sponsored PPV. Anyways, this wasn’t much of a match, but more of a storyline progression. Every time Cena hit a move or looked like he was going to hit a move, R-Truth would just leave the ring and start riling up the fans at ringside. The end came when both Cena and Truth were in the crowd and Truth beat Cena back into the ring to win by countout. Now, what I don’t understand is that by the time Truth got back into the ring the ref was at a 7 count, but shouldn’t the count been broken when Truth slid back into the ring?

Winner by countout: R-Truth

After the match R-Truth finds the Jimmies he was talking to earlier and takes a sip of Little Jimmy’s drink before throwing it in Big Jimmy’s face. He runs away as Cena comes and consuls Big Jimmy by giving him a wristband.

The technical difficulties at the beginning of the show really hurt this edition of Monday Night RAW. WWE ended up showing some of the R-Truth promo later on in the show so that was cool, but the audio fuck up really screwed up what looked to be one of the best promos of R-Truth’s career. I really enjoy when Truth plays to the emotions of the WWE Universe and he is quickly becoming one of the main reasons I tune in week after week. It has been reported that Truth has earned himself a WWE Championship shot at the Capital Punishment PPV. A few months ago when he made his way into a triple threat match against Miz and Cena the IWC shitted all over his opportunity and rejoiced when John Morrison took his spot, but now that he is a heel those same people are riding his cock like there is no tomorrow.

Moving on, I have a feeling that Kofi Kingston and Dolph Ziggler are going to have another 50 million matches on RAW over the WWE United States Championship. Same feud, new show and secondary title. Blah, WWE needs to create better quality midcarders that can go on to main event in the future instead of trying to create quick main eventers that will eventually fade away. I also find it amusing when Jerry Lawler makes fun of Vicki for being “fat” when his lard ass is way bigger than she is.

I can’t say that I’m too excited about a Del Rio vs Big show feud. If anything, Del Rio should go after Kofi’s championship, win it, and rename it the WWE Mexican Championship. That will bring more attention to the title and is sure to generate him more heel heat than he currently possess. It will also make whoever wins it from him an instant favorite.

The sandwich I ate during the Divas match was one of the best tasting things I have ever eaten.

For the second week in a row I was thoroughly impressed with Alex Riley, even though The Miz kinda fucked up the segment with his non realistic looking punches.

Even though I have seen my fair share of CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio matches, I must say that they had the best match of the night.

Kharma doesn’t sound anything like she looks. I expected her to sound, I don’t know, huskier.

The Swagger/Bourne feud is fun, but would it hurt if they were giving more time?

The main event wasn’t anything special, but the new and improved R-Truth certainly is. While I don’t see him winning the WWE Championship at Capital Punishment, I do see him feuding with John Cena during the hot summer months. I would like to see him eventually hold the gold, but it might be a bit too soon for him. Maybe in a few months, that way when John Morrison comes back he can be penciled into a main event program with the man that put him on the shelf.

If I had to pick one word to describe this episode of Monday Night RAW it would be; Promising.

That’s all I got. *Fades2Black*

  1. ddawg
    June 1, 2011 at 11:26 am

    This is stupid. Way to write a shitty blog.

    • June 1, 2011 at 11:36 am

      I forgive you for you do not know what you speak of. I will not judge you for being judgmental and I will pray for your salvation.

    • Mr.Redlight
      June 1, 2011 at 11:08 pm

      you mad bro?

  2. Brian
    June 1, 2011 at 11:34 am

    I’m not understanding the whole Cole/Lawler thing anymore. One day they are worst of enemies, the next they are best of friends? The commentary they did monday wasnt bad, but they were talking like the fued never exhisted. How do you have a guy like Cole mock Lawler for so long, even putting him in his own box to seperate the two, then have them buddy buddy two weeks later. Am I making sense? Anbody agree this fued was just a waste?

    • June 1, 2011 at 11:40 am

      I guess they are letting bygones be bygones. All is forgiving in WWE announcer land. What I don’t understand is how Cole and Lawler switch back and forth between being faces and heels, but they never agree on anything. Like when Lawler makes fun of Vicki, Cole says things a face would say or when Lawler sticks up for people like Kharma, Cole goes into heel mode. Announcers should just be neutral. I don’t mind color commentary, but would it hurt WWE to get a play by play guy to diffuse all the back and forth bickering?

      • Brian
        June 1, 2011 at 12:05 pm

        Agree totally. Thats why Gorilla and Heenan wer perfect together. Or Vince and Mr. Perfect. One was heel, the other was face. LAwler used to be great back in the day when he had more of a heel persona. Now he’s just a joke and it really ruins a match to hear those idiot talk.

        • June 1, 2011 at 12:30 pm

          Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan were the best announce team ever. Thats what I grew up with so maybe I’m biased. King hasn’t been good since the puppies era and I rather listen to Tony Schiavone on an infinite loop than hear Michael Coles undisisive ass, lol.

          • June 4, 2011 at 5:50 pm

            I prefer Jim Ross and heel Jerry Lawler.

      • Capt. Smooth
        June 1, 2011 at 6:01 pm

        I think Cole is still a heel, just not over the top like he was. He still sides with the heels, but will give faces credit.

        • Capt. Smooth
          June 1, 2011 at 6:04 pm

          The thing about Vickie is that she is a bad person. I don’t know what that has to do with being heavy. Maybe WWE feels that if you are a heel and overweight, you are an easier target. That’s what I’m guessing.

          • June 1, 2011 at 7:04 pm

            Vicki isn’t fat though. Lawler has more flubber than she does.

            • Capt. Smooth
              June 2, 2011 at 5:51 am

              I know, but it may be due to the heel thing.

        • June 1, 2011 at 7:02 pm

          He’s only a heel for Miz on RAW, but for the most part he acts like a face that learned from his past mistakes. Smackdown is a different story though, he’s a heel on that show.

          • Capt. Smooth
            June 2, 2011 at 5:52 am

            I don’t know. I still hear him side with the heels more often.

        • June 2, 2011 at 10:23 am

          That Cole/Lawler feud accomplished a whole hell of a lot of nothing.

          • Capt. Smooth
            June 2, 2011 at 5:52 pm

            It got Swagger back on tv and made Cole a super heat catcher, so much so that he stood in place of Miz on RAW in order to get the fans behind Riley even more…plus we got JBL in a cameo.

    • June 4, 2011 at 5:49 pm

      I feel that way too. It just feels weird seeing them act like nothing happened. It’s like when Cena and Orton hugged last year…like we are supposed to forget Orton tried to blow Cena up with the ramp pyros during the Breaking Point “I Quit” match.

      • Capt. Smooth
        June 4, 2011 at 5:58 pm

        I call it character development.

  3. Brian
    June 1, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    Schiavone….lol….oh I miss those days. What ever happened to that guy? I’d take Zybisko over Cole. Hell put a drunken scott Hall on the mic. He’d still be more entertaining than Scott Hall.

    • June 1, 2011 at 2:18 pm

      Lol, I forgot all about Zybisko, he was pretty good too. Alot of people talk crap about WCW, but they had a great product before they got greedy for ratings.

      • Brian
        June 1, 2011 at 3:34 pm

        WCW was on point in the late 90’s and early 2000’s. They product was so well put together. Good wrestling, shit load of crappy gimmicks, and of course, the NWO.

        WWE was on point back then though too.

        • June 1, 2011 at 3:56 pm

          The Attitude Era was awesome. Can’t forget about ECW which exposed me to a whole other level of violence. I liked WCW before the Monday Night War when they used to have Clash Of The Champions which was a PPV style event but on free tv. Matches between Steve Austin and Ricky Steamboat were epic. So was Vader vs Sting, shit even Dustin Rhodes (Goldust) and Barry Windham were kicking ass back then. I was a big fan of Arn Anderson too.

  4. Brian
    June 1, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    Oops…mean to say more entertaining than Cole.

  5. June 1, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    I thought this was all pretty fucking funny lol

  6. Brian
    June 1, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    Trust me, i would loooooooove to hang out with Hall for a night. Drinking and talking wrestling all night long, though I wouldnt want him to break down on me at the end of the night and get into some stories that MIGHT get him in trouble.

  7. Brian
    June 1, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    …..or me in trouble for that matter…lol

    • June 1, 2011 at 4:03 pm

      Scott Hall was one of my favorites growing up and the man that changed wrestling forever the night he appeared in the WCW crowd and all the announcers went crazy. I was so naive back then that I though Razor Ramon was really starting a hostile WWF takeover of WCW. Its sad to see where he ended up in life. He had aspirations of returning to WWE and being an announcer one day, but I dont ever see that happening now. He would have been good in that role. I would love to hang out with him too, but would have to keep a close eye on him to make sure he doesn’t try to roofie me or something, lol.

      • Mike Brazil
        June 2, 2011 at 1:40 am

        I think a lot of us thought that.

  8. June 1, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    Does anyone remember when the Chyna porn rumors started and she denied it? Well it looks like the fine folks at Vivid decided to put an end to the rumors once and for all. “Backdoor To Chyna” promises Chyna’s anal debut. She also has a lesbian scene and a threesome.

    Do not click if under 18. This link is for adults only:

    http://vivid.com/movie/backdoor-to-chyna/

    • Capt. Smooth
      June 1, 2011 at 6:13 pm

      It’s a work involving Kurt, Karen, and Jeff. In all honesty, for a person who has had a very rough time, she still has a great figure. I’m just glad she’s not dead. If she’s clean and sober and she is happy doing this, then good for her.

      • Capt. Smooth
        June 1, 2011 at 6:42 pm

        Should’ve been called “General Tso’s Dickin'”.

      • June 1, 2011 at 7:07 pm

        I wouldn’t mind seeing Karen in some porn. If I do happen to view this particular skin flick I might end up reviewing it. I dont know how over that will go, but it might be fun to talk about cunts, cocks, sperm and whores. [||](Pause).

        • Capt. Smooth
          June 2, 2011 at 5:53 am

          I demand a piece on Monique Fuentes.

          • June 2, 2011 at 10:27 am

            She looks like one of my old teachers. I like Cassandra Cruz, scratch that, I appreciate any woman brave enough to do sexual things on film. That can affect so many aspects of their lifes from relationships, to jobs, maybe their kids will see it. It takes a brave person to put that out there (or a complete idiot, you decided).

            • Capt. Smooth
              June 2, 2011 at 5:54 pm

              Your teacher looked like Monique Fuentes? Lucky fuck! One of my old teachers posed for Playboy before becoming a teacher.

              • June 3, 2011 at 11:13 am

                Did she get fired? Should have gave her the ol classroom bukkake, lol.

                • Capt. Smooth
                  June 3, 2011 at 5:57 pm

                  No, but a student found out about it and brought in the issue, showed it to everybody and she had to take a couple weeks off.

    • TKO
      June 1, 2011 at 11:28 pm

      Is it weird that I wana click on that out of interest but I also dont out of near disgust? I’ll leave that alone…I mean, I might click on it…nnnnaw, I can’t. Fuck it I’m a grown man…..ummm…..not aroused but not sick…urge to have sex…gone…I’m done, back to the topic lol

      • Capt. Smooth
        June 2, 2011 at 5:54 am

        It depends on how many drinks.

      • June 2, 2011 at 10:29 am

        The trailer isn’t that bad. She got some big ol titties and I can front, I would hose those down with my….. HOT PECKER CHOWDER!!!!! Lmmfao.

        • Capt. Smooth
          June 2, 2011 at 5:54 pm

          Nice boobs can bring people around.

  9. TKO
    June 1, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    it was in my home town but i didnt get to see it, didnt miss nothing. the infamous review set me straight.

    • June 1, 2011 at 7:09 pm

      Truth would have called you Little Jimmy then you would have had to fuck him up, lol.

      • Capt. Smooth
        June 2, 2011 at 5:56 am

        I’m waiting for Truth to parody “Single Ladies” but call it “Little Jimmies”.

        • June 2, 2011 at 10:30 am

          That would be hilarious and he does those crazy dances that looks like he is twitching from a bad hit of crack, lol. Epic.

  10. Capt. Smooth
    June 1, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    You missed Riley continue to kick ass.

    • June 1, 2011 at 7:14 pm

      I wonder how Riley is in the ring when he isnt busy being The Miz’s sidekick. I know he was FCW Champion before being called up to the main roster and I don’t really remember his NXT matches.

      • Capt. Smooth
        June 2, 2011 at 5:56 am

        We never really got to see him much. We’ll see.

  11. Mr.Redlight
    June 1, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    i was talkin to my gf about how alberto del rio speaks near perfect english. Which to me is surprising givin he has only mainly wrestled in mexico and never really needed to. what i found hilarious though is that she said ricardos spanish completely sucks and sounds white washed (she’s mexican so she knows!!!!) anyone elses thoughts?

    • June 2, 2011 at 10:32 am

      He speaks like a high class Mexican not the lowriding, taco loving, viva la raza type Mexicans. Its like theres JTG black then there’s Obama black, lol.

  12. Stephen
    June 2, 2011 at 5:07 am

    I agree with the first comment. This is a very shitty blog. As a writer you are a worthless jobber and will never be as good as John C.

    • June 2, 2011 at 10:42 am

      I might have been an over-confident, egomaniac of a jobber who was thrusted into the main event on my old site. I couldn’t get as over as I though I should have and got sent back to Superstars. Now I have stepped up and I’m surely a upper mid-carder now. One day I will main event, but the IWC keeps pushing the same people over and over. Kinda like John Cena and Triple H and they wont make room for the midcarders or put anyone over except for their own people, so I have to squeeze my way into that main event scene by force. Lmao. Sike, I aint no damn wrestler. This aint no damn TNA or WCW to TJR’s WWE. Fuck all that. I’m just doing my thing creating a stable that will take over. HAHAHAHAHA. There I go again with the wrestling terminology. You keep hating but thats what you do. People keep mentioning my name in the same breath as that John C guy you keep talking about. Thats awesome because his own damn writers arent even mentioned in the same breath as him so I must be doing something right. Right?

      Like Kieran once told me, if anything we are more like the original ECW. We might not be on everyones radar, but the people who love us are REALLY gonna fucking love us. We are INFAMOUS.

    • Mr.Redlight
      June 2, 2011 at 10:19 pm

      hahahaha! A jobber? oh you showed him!

      • June 3, 2011 at 11:15 am

        That guy has been reaching for a while now. One day he will catch me in a bad mood and the return of me putting my foot up someones ass will be epicness personified.

  13. Brian
    June 2, 2011 at 6:37 am

    So I’m going to throw this out there, Chyna is not bad looking. I’m serious, I’d jerk off to this.

    *See I can say these things without fear of resentment or embarrassment because……YOU CANT SEE ME!

    Also, WTF was HHH thinking? She looked like a total dude when she was with that guy. Makes me believe he was going through his experimental phase.

    • June 2, 2011 at 10:47 am

      She actually looks like a woman now. And those tits, Jesus. Her clit is huge because of the steroids she used to take. I know it kinda looks like a Chinese penis, but I know clits and thats a damn clit, a huge clit, but a clit nonetheless, lol.

      Back when Triple H was tapping that though she was ugly as fuck and looked like a tranny. Speaking of trannies what ever happened to that beastly looking bitch Nicole Bass? She was way uglier.

      • Brian
        June 2, 2011 at 11:51 am

        Nicole Bass is basically just one of the oddities from the Howard Stern show. Dont know if he still has her on anymore though.

  14. Brian
    June 2, 2011 at 6:38 am

    Oh, I didnt get to catch the beginning of raw, but I’m glad I didnt because your rendition was much better I’m sure. Guess they’re jumping over TV-14 and moving into TV-MA….lol.

    • June 2, 2011 at 10:50 am

      Lol, I just wrote what I thought they would really say. Maybe they wouldnt have cussed so much, but maybe they should. It would make things a whole hell of a lot better.

      • Capt. Smooth
        June 2, 2011 at 5:57 pm

        I did like the dad’s “What’s up?”.

  15. The Unusual Suspect
    June 2, 2011 at 11:06 am

    Are you serious? The count would only be broken if he went back outside after getting in the ring. That’s why we see so many dodgy count out victories where someone gets in at literally the last second. Nevermind, a blip in logic is what I’ll put it down to. I would actually like to see you and Zack Ryder go at it though, if only to see the man behind the website.

    • June 2, 2011 at 11:33 am

      Fucking A!!!! You’re right. I have been exposed as a casual fan and now I will never write about wrestling again. I have been publicly shamed. Lol, I guess I was still drunk from Memorial Day and needed something extra to bitch about since the match didn’t give me anything to really write about. My bad.

      I used to have my pic up on Twitter and Myspace until I started making so many enemies from writing that I took them all down. I don’t need people photoshopping cocks in my mouth or anything like that. Usually writers have a few haters that disagree on topics and thats cool, but for some reason the haters I was attracting were trying to attack me on a personal level.

      • June 4, 2011 at 5:54 pm

        I won a lot of matches using that count-out trick playing Smackdown vs. RAW. I would Irish Whip my opponent out of the ring, beat the shit out of him for 8 seconds, and jump back into the ring before the 10 count. Best way to be Great Khalil went you are wrestling as Rey Mysterio.

        • June 6, 2011 at 2:27 pm

          Lol, I used to do that too. Now I beat then till they bleed even though in the last SvR there was no blood 😦

  16. Max
    June 3, 2011 at 4:12 am

    Oh my that opening segment was awesome. If you ever miss Raw then you should just make up the whole show as you go along because that was the funniest thing I have read in a while. I read it using Truth and Cena’s voices and I can totally see Cena saying Gee Willikers.

    • Capt. Smooth
      June 3, 2011 at 5:50 am

      I can see the “Gee Willikers!” line being said as well.

      • June 3, 2011 at 11:17 am

        Lol, that and nuttier than squirrel turds. Cena needs a new writer asap.

        • Capt. Smooth
          June 3, 2011 at 5:59 pm

          At least “nuttier than squirrel turds” makes sense.

  17. Ana_ZackPack
    June 3, 2011 at 7:17 am

    Loved the made up segment…it was hilarious xD

  18. June 4, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    Jcity,

    Alex Riley had a sick finishing move on NXT. I hope he uses it on RAW.

    • Capt. Smooth
      June 4, 2011 at 5:57 pm

      Call it The Lfe of Riley.

    • June 6, 2011 at 2:28 pm

      Nice, I wonder what happened to Kaval though. He hasnt re-surfaced in TNA.

  19. June 4, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    Hey check out A.M. RAW tomorrow. It’s on at like 2 AM ET on USA Sunday morning. It’s a replay of RAW that is one hour instead of two. I’m guessing that they might show R-Truth’s promo with sound. I heard a storm is why there was no sound…it wasn’t the audio department’s fault…they should have the audio saved somewhere.

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