Home > Crossing The Line, Impact Wrestling, THE INFAMOUS JCITY™, TNA > Crossing The Line: The Best Impact Wrestling Review On The Whole F’N Planet 6/23/2011

Crossing The Line: The Best Impact Wrestling Review On The Whole F’N Planet 6/23/2011

Crossing The Line: The Best Impact Wrestling Review On The Whole F’N Planet 6/23/2011

by THE INFAMOUS JCITY™

Welcome to Crossing The Line, the best quality Impact Wrestling review on the whole fucking planet. Don’t like Impact reviews? Then make sure you vote for the kind of reviews you want to see on this site by voting on the poll on the right hand side of this page. The show with the most votes will become the main show I review on this site so make sure you rock the vote. Like Diddy once said “Vote or die”. Ok, maybe that’s a bit too extreme, but you get the point. I will be back either later on tonight or tomorrow morning with my Smackdown writing debut on this site. It’s leading the votes, so why the fuck not? Until then you can read this and let me know what you thought of this weeks episode of Impact Wrestling. Enjoy.

A video package kicks off this episode of Impact Wrestling, highlighting the Kurt Angle vs Jeff Jarrett Parking Lot Brawl from last week, where the loser would have to move to Mexico. They also showed Sting attacking Hulk Hogan and painting his face red as a symbol of what Sting believes is his masquerade. Sting believes Hogan is putting up a front and he still believes there is still some good inside of the evil Hogan has enveloped himself in. I didn’t review last weeks show due to time constraints, but believe me when I tell you that the fine folks at Impact Wrestling put on one hell of a show.

Jeff Jarrett is shown backstage talking to Eric Bicho. [Bicho is Spanish for cock, dick, penis, shlong, tally whacker, trouser snake, shaft, magic stick, one-eyed Willie, skin flute, wiener, unit, pecker, prick, pud, choad, dong, wang, so on and so forth, and it’s a million times easier to type and way more fun to say than Bishoff.] Jarrett seems excited for the Bound For Glory Series, but Bicho quickly reminds him about lasts weeks loser goes to Mexico stipulation. Jarrett tries to brush it off as one big joke, but Bicho is not having it and neither is “The Network”. Bicho convinces Jarrett that Mexico might be good for him and Immortal in order to expand and have a bigger presence in the world of professional wrestling. Bicho wants to take over Mexico and he wants Jarrett to do the same thing he did for TNA across the border. Jarrett is hesitant to go since he doesn’t speak the language and hates mexican food.

Hold up, wait a minute. Somebody stop the motherfucking pressers (thanks R-Truth). How the fuck can you not like Mexican food? I can understand not drinking the Mexican water considering that Montezuma’s Revenge guaran-damn-tees you will end up having explosive diarrhea, but hating on the food? C’mon son. How can you not like tacos, burritos, chalupas, fajitas, quesadillas, nachos, tamales and guacamole? Those Mexican dishes are fucking delicious. This motherfucker is tripping if he can’t appreciate fine Latin cuisine. Anyways, Jarrett wonders if Karen would like Mexico and Bicho assures him there’s money and power to be obtained, so of course you know Karen’s gold digging ass is going to love her some mariachi tingled nights.

Anyways, for those that don’t know, Jeff Jarrett has indeed gone to Mexico where he has captured the AAA Heavyweight Championship. Seriously, I’m not making this up. Take a look for yourself:

As a long time wrestling fan, I am proud of everything Jeff Jarrett has accomplished in the business. On the night Vince McMahon brought WCW he promised the viewing public that Jeff Jarrett would never be seen again. Since then, Jarrett has founded TNA, which has provided jobs to wrestlers who would never have a chance of working for WWE and those who might have been released from WWE with no other place to go. He has won countless championships and he has not only crossed the line, but he has crossed the border and has laid claim to Mexico’s top wrestling prize. Considering that WWE is raiding AAA’s rival promotion CMLL for talent, this is a big deal in Mexican wrestling history. From reports I have read, TNA has taken over AAA and if you know me then you should know that I love all types of wrestling. A mixture of Lucha Libre and Impact Wrestling would so make me jizz in my pants, so if anyone knows if I can catch this on Direct TV please let me know. I know CMLL sometimes comes on Galavision which is channel 404 on Direct TV, usually on Sundays, but if anyone has any information on AAA I would really appreciate it. I might even review the TNA Mexican takeover, complete with translations, on this site, which would be an IWC exclusive, but I digress.

So yeah, Bicho comes out and he wants to get right down to business. He calls out the “ungrateful son of a bitch” Sting, who comes out to a huge pop, but there’s something different about Sting’s swagger. His face paint is a bit different and he just seems to have an I don’t give a fuck attitude going on. Bicho is mad at Sting for his actions against Hogan last week. Bicho says he watches the show he produces and stars in and he saw what Sting did and he doesn’t seem to appreciate it one bit. He once again calls Sting an “ungrateful son of a bitch”. Bicho says he has done nothing but treat Sting with respect since day one and demands to know where Sting is coming from. Sting grabs the mic and jokingly says “What hurts most are my feelings. Eric, you cussed at me. You verbally abused me Eric. Whatever shall I do? Well, before I snap your scrawny little neck, and that’s exactly what I plan on doing, I’m going to tell you why you and I never got along. It’s because you’re a con-artist. You’re a thief. You’re a liar. You’re a low life. You’re a loser. You’re the scum of the earth. You’re a dirtbag. Hahahahaha, you’re a really bad virus Eric. You’re a cancer, and like the cockroach that crawled in between the bottom of the door and the floor, you’ve ended up here, in Impact Wrestling. You know what cockroaches do? They spread disease. You’re a disease Eric. Hahahahaha, and that disease has spread to Hulk, but it’s only a matter of time before Hulk’s eyes are open and the real Hulk Hogan stands up again”. Damn. That was an awesomely animated promo by Sting. Some of the best stuff of his career if I do say so myself. I wonder what would Sting be doing if those rumors from earlier in the year were true and he signed with WWE to face The Undertaker at Wrestlemania 27. Nothing but epicness would have resulted from that venture. Too bad we will never know for sure. That’s why I like Impact Wrestling. You never know who is going to do what at any giving time. Being an exclusive fan of WWE will rob you of great moments in other promotions and this promo was great, but I digress.

Bicho is pissed. He says that no matter how hard Sting tries it will always be Hogan and Bicho. 4 life. Bicho says that will never change, but what will change is Sting. Bicho brings up Stings Impact Wrestling Championship Match rematch between Sting and Mr. Anderson which takes place on July 14, 2011 and says he has the ability to change it. Bicho schedules a match for this episode of Impact between Sting and Abyss to make sure that Sting will be in no condition to compete for the belt on July 14th. Sting doesn’t take Bicho serious and starts taking off his robe. Sting backs Bicho into a corner and starts fucking him up. He delivers a Scorpion Deathdrop and then breaks out the face paint he has used on Hogan and Anderson. Sting then smears red paint all over Bicho’s face. This segment is hilarious to me because Sting really doesn’t give a fuck as he makes a mockery of the whole situation. Sting then locks in a Scorpion Deathlock on Bicho as he taps away like a little bitch. Impact then cuts to commercial.

A video package highlighting some TNA house shows are shown where Scott Steiner defeated Matt Morgan, AJ Styles shut down “The Pope” with a Styles Clash, Matt Morgan defeats “The Pope” by pinfall and Gunner beat AJ Styles. All these matches were part of the Bound For Glory Series, so everyone that picked up a victory has scored 7 points towards number one contendership.

The announcers hype up matches for later on in the show between Crimson and Matt Morgan vs Beer Money and Bully Ray vs Scott Steiner.

Bound For Glory Series Match: Scott Steiner vs Bully Ray

This is a match up of the biggest shit talking bullies Impact Wrestling has to offer. They lock up and neither man seems to be able to take advantage until Bully Ray finally manages to do so. He pounds away on Steiner in the corner. Ray gets a little overconfident and says “eat this you bitch” as he charges at Steiner who gets out of the way and starts kicking away at Ray before leveling him with punches. Steiner then throws Ray’s fat ass halfway across the ring as Ray bitches to the referee that Steiner grabbed him by his chain. Steiner continues the assault and delivers a stiff clothesline which is followed by a standing elbow drop. Steiner whips Ray into a corner and charges at him, but Ray stops him with a kick to the midsection. Ray punches Steiner and goes for the pin, but only gets a two. He tries to pin Steiner two more times, but he hasn’t administered enough damage to put Steiner away. Ray hits Steiner with a double axe handle, slams him, then delivers his own elbow drop for a two count. Ray pins him again, but no dice. Ray starts mocking Steiner. He locks him in a full nelson which is usually the setup for a Bubba Bomb, but he can’t get Steiner off his feet. Steiner ends up hitting Ray with a backdrop suplex. Both men stay on the mat for a bit before they get up and start exchanging punches. Steiner takes control and hits Ray with two clotheslines. He goes for a third, but Ray counters with a quick kick. The kick doesn’t faze Steiner as he ends up hitting Ray with a T-bone suplex. Steiner goes for the pin, but only gets two. Steiner tries to irish whip Ray into a corner, but ends up irish whipping him into another corner where Ray ends up colliding with the referee. Steiner then hits Ray with an overhead release suplex. Steiner locks in the Steiner Recliner and makes Ray tap like a bitch, but there is no ref to see him tap. Steiner attends to the ref as Ray grabs his chain and hits Steiner in the face with it. Ray goes for the pin and the ref finally comes to his senses and counts to three.

Winner of 7 Bound For Glory points: Bully Ray

Still to come, Sting vs Abyss. Also, coming up next is ODB and Jackie vs Velvet Sky and Ms. Tessmacher.

Backstage segment is shown where a pissed off, red faced Bicho, tells Abyss to destroy Sting. Bicho rips on the guy who is attending to his injuries he sustain from the Scorpion Deathlock. Mr. Anderson comes in Bicho’s office. Bicho reminds Anderson that if it wasn’t for him counting to three at Slammiversary that Anderson wouldn’t be champion to begin with. He wants Anderson to fuck Sting up before what happened to him and Hogan happens to Anderson. If Bicho watches Impact like he claim to earlier he would know that before Sting started painting Hogan and Bicho’s faces, he started his face painting adventures at Anderson’s expense. Bicho tries to convince Anderson to join Immortal then tells him to get the fuck out of his face. He then demands that the medical guy get him some fucking Advil for his back pain.

Scott Steiner is shown backstage. He has a chain in his hands and is looking for Bully Ray.

Mike Tenay lets us know that last week’s X-Division match featured former stars fighting for a chance to compete and earn a contract at Destination X, but this week is all about wrestlers who have never stepped foot in an Impact Wrestling ring.

A video package is shown highlighting one of the guys who will make his Impact Wrestling debut on this show.  His name is Zema Ion. A 24 year old wrestler from the Philipines who wants a chance to prove why he belongs in the X-Division.

Velvet Sky and Ms. Tessmacher vs ODB and Jackie

This is the part of the show where every single drop of blood in my body rushes to my dick. Seriously. I always seem to develop a throbbing erection every time the Knockouts are in action. Is this normal? I think I need to consult a doctor. Anyways, I love the spot where Testies throws her top on the camera then Velvet takes it off and lets the pigeons loose. Velvet sure does have a nice ass, but she has nothing on the curvaceous Tessmacher. That bitch has one hell of a bubble butt. So yeah, since ODB and Jackie aren’t officially employed by TNA, Velvet and Testies petitioned TNA management into having the unemployed hookers show up for a No Holds Barred Match so Velvet can get retribution for last week, but according to Velvet, they were told that the only way that they can get their hands on those bitches is if they played by the rules. Of course bitches will be bitches and as soon as all four bitches were in each others sights all hell ended up breaking loose. All of them brawled on the outside for a while before Impact cut to commercial. For the record, I have never seen so many closeups of ODB’s ass. I have an HD television and I can clearly see all of her cellulite, but I can’t front, that ass is HUGE and if she wasnt so beastly looking I wouldn’t mind hitting that. Anyways, when Impact came back on, the unemployed hoes beat the hell out of Tessmacher for most of the match until she ended up making the hot tag to Velvet. Velvet cleaned house by delivering a shit load of clotheslines until ODB grabbed the ref and Jackie kicked Velvet so hard in the pussy that her tampon almost came out of her mouth.

Winners: ODB and Jackie

Still to come, Crimson and Matt Morgan vs Beer Money. Also, Sting vs Abyss.

They quickly show Zema Ion taping up his wrist before they cut to another video package highlighting Federico Palacios who will also be making his Impact Wrestling debut as he tries to earn a shot to wrestle at Destination X where the winner of this X-Division Invitational will earn themselves an Impact Wrestling contract.

Tara is shown backstage. She says that she can’t wait until July 14th when she will finally get her hands on the “Queen Bitch” Madison Rayne. Speak of the devil, Madison comes out and gets in Tara’s face. Madison gives Tara a chance to back out of their scheduled match and if she doesn’t, Madison promises that it will be her last. Tara turns down Madison’s offer. Madison slaps Tara. Naturally, Tara gets mad and rams Madison into a wall. She then vows to destroy her former friend on July 14th. I really wish these hoes were naked.

Beer Money were shown having a private backstage discussion. Roode isn’t 100% healthy, but he wants to wrestle in the upcoming tag match because the match is part of the Bound For Glory Series where the winner earns points towards number one contendership. Roode says he got into this business to one day win a World Championship and Storm agrees. I think Roode is ready for a serious push. He has the mic skills and he has the look and this is something I have thought since I first started watching TNA back in 2008. Anyways, I would hate to work for TNA since it seems that nobody can ever get a private moment with all the damn cameras around. This segment was filmed from a window looking in on Beer Money. Can somebody say invasion of privacy? Shit, if they insist in having these type of segments then can someone please convince the cameraman to use these stealth filming skills in the Knockouts dressing room?

Scott Steiner is shown in Immortal’s locker room swinging a chain around. Abyss, Gunner, and Bully Ray act like scared little bitches as Ray tries his best to calm Steiner down. He says that he only did what he thought Steiner would do to him. He offers Steiner a spot in Immortal because according to him Immortal can use the “Big Booty Daddy”. Well then. That was an extremely awkward thing for Ray to say. [||]Pause.

Bound For Glory Series Match: Crimson and Matt Morgan vs Beer Money

The person who gets the pinfall in this match gets to score the Bound For Glory points so even though this is a tag team match, every man will be looking out for their own self interest. As stated earlier, there is no more Gun Money, at least for now, since Roode will not let a championship opportunity like this pass him by. He is selling his arm injury so I don’t think he will be much of a factor in this match. Bell rings and we are underway. Crimson and Roode start the match by locking up. Crimson backs Roode into a corner. The ref wants them to break and Crimson does so cleanly. Roode manages to take Crimson off his feet with a quick take down. He tries to keep him down with a front headlock, but Crimson powers out of it, gets back on his feet and rams Roode into a corner where he delivers a few shoulderblocks to Roode’s midsection. Crimson Irishwhips Roode into the opposite corner, charges at Roode, but Roode leaps out of the way and starts hitting Crimson with a few Ric Flair inspired chops. Roode snapmares Crimson out of the corner then tries to rip Crimson’s head off with a running snapmare as Crimson sits on the mat. Roode whips Crimson into the ropes, but the red-headed warrior reverses. As Roode comes off the ropes, Crimson hits him with a stiff shoulder right on his injured arm. Roode sells the pain immensely and backs into his corner where Storm tags himself in. Crimson tags in Matt Morgan. Both men lock up. Morgan pushes Storm off like he is nothing. Storm tries again and Morgan pushes him off once again. Storm gets frustrated so he gets behind Morgan. It looks like he is going for a belly to back suplex, but Morgan ends up backing him into a corner. Morgan goes for his vintage elbow smashes, but Storm has it scouted and ducks them. That was pretty funny. Morgan goes for a clothesline, but Storm ducks that too and hits Morgan in the throat. Storm stands on the apron as Morgan tries to punch Storm, but you guessed it, he ducks it, grabs Morgan’s head and introduces Morgan’s throat to the top rope. Ouch. Storm runs to the ropes and hits Morgan with a codebreaker. He then drives Morgan into the mat neck first for a one count. Storm whips Morgan into the ropes, Morgan reverses, but Storm mule kicks him. Storm charges at Morgan who turns Storm inside out with a discus clothesline for a count of two. Morgan backs Storm into his corner and finally hits his elbow smash thingy that he does. Crimson tags in and wastes no time in laying the smackdown on Storm. Punches to the back, high knee strikes to the midsection and a spinning neckbreaker for a count of two. Crimson quickly tags Morgan back in who hits Storm with a sitdown slam for two. Morgan tags Crimson back in. He hits Storms head on the turnbuckle before going for a slam, but Storm counters with a backstabber. Both men then tag out. Roode hits Morgan with a stiff clothesline, but it doesn’t faze Morgan. Roode tries again and this time Morgan staggers a bit, but is still not taken off his feet. Roode then dropkicks Morgan’s leg out from under him and that finally gets the big man down. Roode tries to Irishwhip Morgan into the corner, but he doesn’t budge. Morgan ends up whipping Roode into the corner instead. Morgan charges at Roode with a Carbon Footprint, but Roode gets out of the way and starts kicking the fuck out of Morgan’s leg. Morgan whips Roode to the ropes and Roode hits Morgan with a flying forearm. He then punches Crimson knocking him off the apron. Roode goes for the high risk, but Morgan catches him by the neck. Morgan goes for a chokeslam, but Roode grabs a hold of his arm and locks in an armbar which Crimson quickly breaks up. Crimson tosses Roode into the corner and knees him in the gut. He then tries to send Roode back into the the corner, but Roode reverses and sends Crimson to the corner where Storm is at and Storm kicks him in the back of the head. Beer Money hits Crimson with a doubleteam suplex. Beer Money does their Beer Money taunt, but Morgan comes back in and delivers a double clothesline. Morgan turns his attention to Roode who he knees in the midsection before Irishwhipping him into a corner. Morgan charges at Roode but he ends up getting a big boot to the face. Roode gets on the second rope and hits a neckbreaker on Morgan, but he ends up aggravating his injury. Roode sells the pain in his arm. Storm signals for Roode to help elevate his as he dives on Crimson on the outside. Lifting Storm’s fat ass in the air hurt Roode’s arm even more which left him vulnerable to a big Carbon Footprint right to the face. 1,2,3 this one is over.

Winners: Matt Morgan and Crimson

Morgan picks up 7 Bound For Glory Series points.

Damn, that was a whole lot of writing right there. I don’t think I will ever write another play by play as long as I live.

Abyss is show backstage talking some bullshit about how there’s only two warriors he follows, Sun Tzu and Eric Bicho. Ha, this motherfucker really called Bicho a warrior. Yea, a Mandingo Warrior. [||]Pause. Anyways, Abyss vows to destroy Sting quickly in the name of his Lord Bicho.

Eric Young was shown with some random guy outside in Universal Studios. Eric is looking to challenge the greatest television icon of all time, Popeye. Yes, the spinach eating motherfucker. I don’t think Eric would know what dignity is if it bit him in the ass. STOP THE FUCKING COMEDY BULLSHIT ERIC. He is officially TNA’s Santino Marella, but with championships. One that doesn’t count and the others who’s value is diminishing faster than an Aids patients Immune System.

AJ Styles comes out and says that he wants to be part of Destination X, which is being billed as an all X-Division PPV. AJ is one of the founding fathers of the X-Division so he says that for one night only TNA will bring back the 6 sided ring. AJ brags about being the first X-Division Champion. AJ then runs down a list of former X-Division stars that helped him build the division from the ground up. Samoa Joe comes out. Ladies and gentlemen, if you didn’t know before, Joe is the reason that the X-Division is not about weight limits, but no limits, since there is no way his fat ass would ever be allowed to wrestle in the X-Division otherwise. Joe says that the X-Division wasn’t hot until he came to TNA. If AJ can be considered the heart of the division, Joe feels he gave the division the balls it needed to be taken serious and featured on PPV main events. Joe sounds like he wants to have a main event match between himself and AJ, but he is interrupted by Christopher Daniels. I already know where this is going. Watch these three brag about their first three-way match for the X-Division title. Everytime these three are in the same ring cutting a promo they always bring up that match. The match was good and all, but damn just shut the fuck up about it. It’s in the past. Either give us some new classic matches or go the fuck home. Ha, ok, so props to Daniels for not bringing up that match for the millionth time and swerving us with the match he thinks should headline Destination X, Christopher Daniels vs AJ Styles, one on one. I didn’t see that one coming. A “What about Joe?” chants breaks out. That was hilarious. Daniels and Styles shake on it and poor Joe has no match at Destination X. Joe got screwed.

Backstage, Kazarian confronts Christopher Daniels about what just happened. Daniels doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal and says that it’s in the spirit of competition before walking away. Samoa Joe comes out and says “Now I had no idea we filmed the Real Housewives Of Fortune on this set too”. Ha, that was awesome. Kaz threatens to slap Joe upside his big fucking head for not minding his own business so Joe fucks him up and walks away.

They cut to another video package highlighting Dakota Darsow who will also be making his Impact Wrestling debut as he tries to earn a shot to wrestle at Destination X where the winner of this X-Division Invitational will earn themselves an Impact Wrestling contract. He says that he is the greatest thing in the world. Whatever. I’m sure I can beat his ass so I don’t see him ever making it. The douche even comes out for his match wearing gold pants and a bubble goose triple down hooded vest in the summer. Who the fuck does that? Dakota does, and what straight man calls himself Dakota? It looks like this fruit is a second generation wrestler. His father is former WWF Tag Team Champion, Smash, from the team Demolition. Whatever, I still think he’s a lover of cocks.

Zema Ion vs Federico Palacios vs Dakota Fanning

Winner: Zema Ion

RVD was shown backstage talking about how he was X-Division before there was an X-Division. Jerry Lynn walks in and corrects him saying that THEY were X-Divison before there was an X-Division. RVD looks like he doesn’t know if that just happened or if he is hallucinating from the mushrooms he had earlier. Remember kids, if you want to do drugs, do weed. It’s socially accepted, unlike that opium stuff Jeff Hardy loves so much.

Knockouts Street Fight: Winter vs Mickie James

This didn’t last too long, but for the time they were given this shit was fucking awesome. They started backstage and fought all the way to ring. Or should I say, rolled all the way down to the ring. I liked when Winter was whipping the fuck outta Mickie with a belt. That was kinda kinky. It was also hot when they were on top of each other and rolled down to ramp. I really wished these hoes were naked. Mickie delivered a nice Lou Thez Press off a podium which was shortly followed by a perfectly executed hurricarana on the outside. Mickie then hit a missile dropkick, but as the ref was busy attending to Winter, Angelina Love came out and hit Mickie with her backbreaker thing-a-ma-jig, giving Winter the easy win.

Winner: Winter

Sting vs Abyss

Damn. If anybody tells you that Sting doesn’t have “It” anymore then they are a goddamn liar. Before Impact Wrestling went off the air, Abyss was left lying in a pool of his own blood after Sting busted him open and made him bleed worse than a twat on its period. There was a funny moment when Abyss was in control of the match and he stopped to read his “Art Of War” book. Anyways, if you are wondering how Sting was able to make Abyss bleed so much it’s because Abyss introduced a glove wrapped in barbwire to the match. Sting fucked Abyss up, took the glove, put it on and beat the fuck out of Abyss with it. The ref told Sting that if he used the barbwired glove that he would get disqualified, but Sting didn’t give a fuck. Anderson came out and Sting started punching away at Abyss even harder with a possessed look on his face.

Winner by disqualification: Abyss

All I have to say about that is, crazy deranged Sting is FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!

This was another good episode of Impact Wrestling. They seem to be finding a nice mixture of wrestling and character development while hyping up the upcoming Destination X PPV. If you’re an exclusive WWE fan then I suggest you watch Impact at least once. You might just like what you see. Don’t let the popular IWC opinion of TNA sucks sway your own opinion. Watch it yourself and come to your own conclusion. Don’t be a sheep and to the people that hate Impact Wrestling for no fucking reason then you can just go suck a bicho.

That’s all I got. *Fades2Black*

  1. J-Kairo617
    June 25, 2011 at 8:32 am

    I saw IMPACT but still took tha time to read this. Pretty gud shit bro. Always mixing comedy while being informative. IMPACT is getting good with all the new talent and the Mexico takeover. I wana see what direction the company will go with this. I like how they’re using Sting and how he was looking all crazy. Im hooked and can’t wait to see what he’ll do next.

    • June 26, 2011 at 11:51 am

      They should show some of that Mexican takeover on Impact. Maybe show a little video package and have Mexican America get mad and have them try to take over TNA. So the Americans take over in Mexico and the Mexicans take over in TNA. Anyways, next week’s Impact will have limited commercial interruption.

  2. June 25, 2011 at 10:35 am

    wait…since when is Dakota Fanning in TNA?

  3. Capt. Smooth
    June 25, 2011 at 11:01 am

    I can’t get over how much Dakota Fanning has grown up! She was this little girl who acted like an adult. Now, she’s about to turn 18. Scary.

    • June 26, 2011 at 11:53 am

      Have you seen her in “The Runaways”?

      • Capt. Smooth
        June 26, 2011 at 11:57 am

        Never saw the movie.

        • June 26, 2011 at 12:00 pm

          Its about Joan Jett the chick that sings “I want Rock and Roll” from the 70’s. Dakota is super sexualized and even does drugs. It has Kristen Stewart who is the chick from Twilight. Might be an Indie flick.

          • Capt. Smooth
            June 26, 2011 at 12:02 pm

            Oh, I’ve heard of it. It’s just not my type of movie.

            • June 26, 2011 at 12:49 pm

              I liked it enough to download a Joan Jett album I haven’t even listened to yet and that was like last year, lol.

              • Capt. Smooth
                June 26, 2011 at 4:47 pm

                “Long Live Ronk and Roll” is a great song!

                • June 26, 2011 at 8:03 pm

                  I read that Courtney Love has ok’d a movie on the life of Kurt Kobain. I wasn’t familiar with The Runaways, but I fucks with some Nirvana.

  4. June 25, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    Didn’t read it. Sorry, I just think this is a terrible show.

    They should just have ODB spank Velvet for the entire show every week, actually…replace ODB with Angelina while Winter’s music is playing in the background.

    • June 26, 2011 at 11:54 am

      Even though Winter’s song has grown on me I would still be annoyed with it if I have to hear it more than the few seconds she takes to get to the ring.

  5. June 25, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    Chavo was released. He had his career, there wasn’t much more he could do anyways. Hopefully he’ll be around in a backstage role.

  6. June 25, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    I will say this about TNA they are doing a SHITLOAD more to promote PPV’s than WWE have down for any PPV (WM excluded) in about the last 2 years. I have enjoyed the past 2 weeks Impact’s more than normal, however i am not a fan of the constant use of swearing in the episode. I’m not against it i just think they need to pull back on the use of swearing in the show.

  7. TKO
    June 25, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    once again, I was entertained by a review more than any TNA show I ever watched…SO, next thursday I may give this shit a shot again. Kicked in the pussy? crazy sting flippin out, X division being a hot topic? I’m almost sold. Thanks J

    the smoke break over the review spot was great

    • June 26, 2011 at 11:58 am

      Sometimes a smoke break is the only thing that can inspire these reviews. Watch TNA suck next week. Every time I praise them they end up fucking up then people look at me like I lied and shit, lol.

      • TKO
        June 26, 2011 at 12:24 pm

        naw man, my guy Dre was texting me all night about TNA when it aired. I a a fan of Bully Ray, he goes hard in his promos and is dedicated to his character. The BFG series points is creative

        • June 26, 2011 at 12:47 pm

          Bully Ray’s promos are always intense which I like because I believe him when he says he is going to whoop some ass. The thing about this tournament that might turn off WWE fans is that there hasn’t been any eliminations. So far so good though but starting a series in June for a PPV that is in October is kinda weird.

  8. Lee
    June 25, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Wow, Jeff Jarrett is the champion of Mexico for real? Something about him just rubs me the wrong way. I actually liked the play by play so don’t totally abandon that format. The Dakota Fanning part had me in stiches.

    • June 26, 2011 at 12:03 pm

      Yes he is. I’m not that good with photoshop, so yea that’s the actual AAA belt in his hand in that pic. No more play by play unless its a short match.

  9. Mr.Redlight
    June 25, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    this episode wasnt horrible actually. Likin the tournament i hope no one gets screwed in it oh wait its russo never mind lol

  10. Bibi Bobbins
    June 25, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    TNA sucks. Can you please post more tits or gtfo?

  11. BillBoFaggins
    June 25, 2011 at 11:06 pm

    Suck My Hobbit cock TNA is awesome

  12. Gollum
    June 25, 2011 at 11:37 pm

    My Precious!

    • Capt. Smooth
      June 26, 2011 at 12:03 pm

      I’ll admit…this was me.

      • June 26, 2011 at 12:06 pm

        Lmao, what the fuck?

        • Capt. Smooth
          June 26, 2011 at 12:09 pm

          The previous 2 comments were puns from Lord of the Rings. I don’t know who did them. Gollum is ancharacter from LOTR as well and “My Precious!” is his most famous quote. “Precious” is the ring.

          • Capt. Smooth
            June 26, 2011 at 12:09 pm

            “another” character

          • June 26, 2011 at 12:16 pm

            I have never seen LOTR but I know “My precious” cuz I knew someone with a baby that looked like that creature.

            • Capt. Smooth
              June 26, 2011 at 12:17 pm

              The movies are quite good.

              • June 26, 2011 at 12:23 pm

                That’s what everyone keeps telling me. I like all types of movies except movies that take place in outer space and movies like LOTR and Harry Potter. They start off too slow and I have a short attention span I guess.

                • June 26, 2011 at 4:41 pm

                  You wouldn’t like Lord of the Rings….each movie is like 14 hours long….ok, ok, they are actually like four hours long each but it feels like 14 hours. Those are movies you watch once and never watch ever again.

                  • Capt. Smooth
                    June 26, 2011 at 5:00 pm

                    I love them! As far as the books go, I’ve never read LOTR, but a coworker let me borrow the Potter books. I didn’t know what to expect, but I had a great time with them. They start off like kiddie books, but then the books get longer(600+ pages to 800+ pages) and darker. There are moments where you’re asking yourself why this is a “kids” book, then you realize they’re not. Tons of social commentary, a rich world, and great characters. It ends with the seventh book which is a bloodbath. In fact, I liked them so much that when I got my tax refund the next year, I bought the entire series. Just got finished reading them(usually do once a year) and am still noticing new things during every read.

                    • June 26, 2011 at 5:39 pm

                      I own two of the LOTR movies. I liked the franchise but I can see why others would want to stay away from it. For what it’s worth, I am not a big Harry Potter fan. I do remember when the books were more important than the movies. I read the first book, saw the first movie, and that’s it.

                  • June 26, 2011 at 8:04 pm

                    Yea that’s another reason I don’t watch it. The only super long movies I watched is Scarface and The Departed.

                    • June 26, 2011 at 8:05 pm

                      Books are so 1990’s, lol.

                    • Capt. Smooth
                      June 26, 2011 at 8:10 pm

                      That’s why we have a pause button.(well, there’s another reason for it brought up on this site all the time)

  13. BillBoFaggins
    June 26, 2011 at 12:58 am

    Instead of giving you one ring ill give u a pearl neckless. so watch TNA of I’ll stick my hobbit dick in your rectum… ugh

    • Dobby the House Elf
      June 26, 2011 at 9:18 am

      You called master?…Wait, wrong geek property! Damn! *crack*

      • Capt. Smooth
        June 26, 2011 at 12:03 pm

        So was this.

  14. Max
    June 26, 2011 at 6:19 am

    So every pin gets you 7 points in the BFGS? I don’t get this point system at all. So Matt Morgan is in the lead? I have just started paying attention to Impact and dont know whats going on half the time but I do agree that Stings crazy persona is entertaining.

    • June 26, 2011 at 12:12 pm

      Pins get 7 points submissions get 10 points. Person with the most points by the time the series is done will challnge for the World Championship at the Bound For Glory PPV.

  15. June 26, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ :
    Its about Joan Jett the chick that sings “I want Rock and Roll” from the 70′s. Dakota is super sexualized and even does drugs. It has Kristen Stewart who is the chick from Twilight. Might be an Indie flick.

    Those two have a sex scene in the movie right?

  16. Capt. Smooth
    June 26, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    Tony Kegger :
    I own two of the LOTR movies. I liked the franchise but I can see why others would want to stay away from it. For what it’s worth, I am not a big Harry Potter fan. I do remember when the books were more important than the movies. I read the first book, saw the first movie, and that’s it.

    It’s during the third book that things start to get “dark”, but there is a certain moment in the fourth book(the first of the big books) where the entire series just changes and gets fucked up.

  17. June 26, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    They should make a Harry Potter sucks like the Vampire’s suck Twilight parody.

    • Capt. Smooth
      June 26, 2011 at 8:12 pm

      They did a parody of Potter in that Epic Movie by those spoof guys.

      • June 26, 2011 at 8:47 pm

        The best spoof movies were Scary Movie and Superhero Movie the worse was the 300 Sparta spoof. That one was super gay.

        • Capt. Smooth
          June 26, 2011 at 8:48 pm

          The fart scene from Superhero Movie…cracked me up.

        • June 26, 2011 at 11:05 pm

          Scary Movie, IMO, is the greatest spoof movie of all-time. The other copycats like Superhero Movie and Disaster Movie were entertaining not as good as Scary Movie. Think of how important that movie was. Over a decade later, they are still trying to copy Scary Movie’s style and they still haven’t made a movie that is better than Scary Movie.

          • June 27, 2011 at 4:43 am

            I agree. None of the other spoofs can fuck with Scary Movie. Its the Godfather of all spoofs. I think part of that is because it was written by the Wayans Brothers. I wish they never sold the franchise and kept making more because they would have made some truly epic spoofs using different types of movie genres. I’m glad MTV2 has picked up the Wayans Brother show. No, No, No, scratch that.”Don’t Be A Menace While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood” is the best spoof EVER. That spoof birthed Scary Movie.

  18. Devastating Dave
    June 27, 2011 at 12:08 am

    Good review! You know I thought the same thing about Sting man if im not mistaken man I think that he kinda borrowed his character from Heath Ledgers joker. I like it and I’ve always wanted to fuck the shit out of ODB! Testmachers ass kinda looks fake to me. I think they should do the format they were doing before Hogan and Bischo took over. The whole Eric Young World Elite thing was amongst other things. Anyway good review keep it up J!!!

    • June 27, 2011 at 4:52 am

      Thanks. I try, lol. Sting does remind me a bit of a Joker’ish style which would be better suited for a heel, but Sting does a fantastic job being a crazy deranged face. It must be hard being in that kind of a character when you’re supposed to be the good guy, but Sting is stepping it up. I can only imagine all the great TV he could have had on RAW had he signed with WWE back in February. ODB can get it. She’s a bit intimidating though, but I’m sure I can handle the attitude. I wouldn’t want to be on her bad side that’s for sure, but DAT ASS!!!! and DEM TITS!!!!!!! Damn. Tessmacher got the firm booty that doesn’t have not one ounce of jiggle in it. I like it though. I would eat that from behind anyday of the week… if I was single (had to put that in there in case wifey ends up reading lol). Young as the leader of World Elite was awesome. Watching him then, then watching him now, its like two different people. I hope he gets back on track before he becomes too big of a joke and he’s almost there.

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