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THE INFAMOUS™ WWE Monday Night RAW Review 6/27/11 – RAW Roulette

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THE INFAMOUS™ WWE Monday Night RAW Review 6/27/11 – RAW Roulette 

by THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ 

Watching Monday Night RAW can be like playing a game of Russian Roulette. RAW is the revolver. Your remote control is the trigger. The gun only has one bullet in it. The bullet is located in a chamber nestled in the cylinder. When you make the decision to tune in, you spin the cylinder and cock back the hammer as the cylinder aligns with the hammer and the barrel. When you flip to the USA Network you essentially pull the trigger on the gun. Sometimes RAW will do nothing to you and you live to see another day. Other times RAW will blow your fucking brain out of your head with something so awesome you can’t help but feel like you died and went to heaven because nothing in the world of professional wrestling will ever be good as that moment in time. RAW doesn’t provide these mind-blowing moments often, so we can just assume it’s a ten shot revolver (the average revolver holds 5-6 shots), but this episode of RAW left me with a self-inflicted bullet wound to the right side of my temple; proverbially speaking of course. Most of you might know exactly what I’m talking about and for those that don’t, I will break it down, break it down down.

The same analogy works with these reviews. Most sites have one bullet in a ten shot revolver. I fucks around and stick a bullet in every other chamber. This is bound to get messy.

*Inserts bullets into chamber, spins cylinder, cocks it back and hands you the revolver*

Pull the trigger. I fucking dare you.

Here is a look at the wheel that was used just in case you didn't see the show and would like to know what stipulations were available

This episode of Monday Night RAW was live from Las Vegas, Nevada. Sin City. The home of legalized prostitution, gambling, organized crime and drive through wedding chapels. Every single match on this special RAW Roulette edition of RAW was determined by the spin of a wheel. I don’t have any wild Vegas stories for you guys, but I did take part in an intense game of Russian Roulette when I was 19, but that’s another story for another day. Anyways, the RAW Roulette wheel will be spun by who else, the master of the spin-a-roni himself, Booker T.

Shawn Michaels mocks the crowd by throwing up Devil horns in the name of Satan

RAW kicks off with “The Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels, who comes out looking like a redneck trucker/hunter/fisherman hybrid. He says that he tried, but couldn’t stay away. How can he possibly leave all this he hypothetically asks as he points to the crowd. If Shawn Michaels isn’t making a full fledged return to the WWE then he really needs to structure his sentences a little bit better as to not end up on my filthy dirty liar list, which is currently headlined by The Rock. I wouldn’t be surprised if the same person wrote both of their promos. It’s ok to say that you miss the business and the fans and just wanted to stop by and soak up the energy of the crowd one more time, but creating false hope is fucking lame. I know some people are going to say “Well, you should know what he means”, but no, I only know what I’m being told straight out of the horse’s mouth and if Shawn Michaels says that he couldn’t stay away and couldn’t leave us then I fucking expect him to stick around or at least have one more match. He is so convincing in his promo that even Jerry “The King” Lawler asks, “Wait, is he coming back?”. I really fucking hate when people create false hope just to get a pop. You’re a fucking legend Shawn. There’s no need for trickery. I apologize for going on a bit of a rant there, but I hate being lied to. I don’t give a fuck who you are, it doesn’t give you the right to mind fuck the fans. It’s especially sickening when a so-called religious guy does the lying. If you can’t trust a man of God, then who can you really trust? For Shawn’s sake, I hope this is not the only time I see him on RAW in the next few weeks because if it is, then I would personally like to damn him to hell for being somewhat of a false prophet. Anyways, Shawn says that he misses us and that without us there would be no Headliner, no Icon, no Main Event, no Mr. Wrestlemania and more importantly, no Mr. Hall Of Fame. You’re damn right Shawn, you would be nothing without us and don’t you ever fucking forget it.

Shawn Michaels kills a pregnant bear after mocking it for being fat. Shawn then ate the bear whole... fetus included.

Shawn says that something that has bothered him in the past is when a guest host comes to RAW only to plug a movie or a this or a that, but he claims to be different from them because the last thing he would do is plug his new hunting show on the Outdoor Channel that debuts Tuesday night at 11:30pm eastern time called “Shawn Michaels’ MacMillan River Adventures” where he slaughters poor defenseless animals for fun. He says he wont plug the show because he doesn’t want to insult us that way, but seeing as he just plugged the fucking show, I feel slightly insulted that he would stand there and insult my intelligence. This guy is a fraud. I bet that he does all the religious stuff so people can stop giving him shit over all the stuff he has done in the past. I’m starting to believe that he is not religious at all and is using God’s name as a shield to make himself seem higher than thou. I bet he kills all those animals in the name of Satan. “Mr. I will not plug” then shamelessly plugs his Twitter account. Can someone please come out and save me from “The Hypocrite Kid” Shawn Michaels? Anyone?

The real savior of the WWE comes out and the IWC busts one big collective nut. Semen Spunk, I mean, CM Punk, makes his way to the ring with Nexus in tow and calls Shawn out on his hypocritical nature. He reminds us that he will wrestle his last match for the WWE on July 17th and unlike Shawn Michaels, he will leave a winner, but more importantly, a WWE Champion. Punk says that he is leaving because of us. The fans. The same fans that would stand up and cheer for a washed up lying bastard like Shawn Michaels rather than get on our hands and knees and beg the future of the WWE to stay. Now I don’t know about y’all, but I aint getting on my hands and knees to beg for shit, but I can respect Punk enough to stand up like a man and say that I believe him when he says he is the future. He has stepped up his game to levels I couldn’t believe and I am proud of everything he has accomplished considering that I thought he was doomed to a lifetime of midcard hell when he made his ECW debut. If he stays, then I see the WWE slowly easing out of PG as it moves to the Era of Punk. If he goes, then it was nice knowing you, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Anyways, Shawn says that the only reason the fans cheer for him is because they know he is better than CM Punk. A mild “One more  match” chant breaks out. Punk admits that Shawn was better than him, but now there is no one in the WWE that can hold a candle to him. Punk mockingly asks if Shawn is challenging him. Punk knows that Shawn was a brash, rebellious, superstar, and in that regard they are similar since Punk says he can say whatever the fuck he wants to. Shawn cuts him off and says that they are nothing alike. Sure they have similarities, like they don’t drink or do drugs… CM Punk [||]pauses Shawn and says “Anymore”. Ha, I marked out for that reference to Shawn Michaels past with drug and alcohol abuse. Shawn can’t say shit, but “Fair enough”. Since he has been exposed he resorts to what he does best and that is resort to violence. BAAAAM, David Otunga got his ass superkicked straight to hell. Punk points to Shawn and says that he just made the biggest mistake of his life.

The Anonymous RAW General Manager. Anonymously living la vida loca since 2010.

The Anonymous RAW General Manager is not pleased by what is transpiring in the ring so it sends Michael Cole an email. The GM says that Punk leaving the WWE is his own choice, but seeing that he only has 3 RAW’s left before he leaves, the GM wants to make them count. Since Punk is already in the ring he will be one of the first participants of the RAW Roulette. Booker T spins the wheel and it lands on a Mystery Opponent Match. Who will it be? Will it be Shawn Michaels? “Stone Cold” Steve Austin? The Rock? Rey Mysterio? Nope, its Kane. Blah. Anyways, HBK hits Michael McGillicutty with some Sweet Chin Music and says “Good luck with all of that”. He is still mad at Punk for making him look like a hypocritical douchebag. I’m sure he will end up taking out his frustrations on a poor defenseless animal.

Mystery Opponent Match: CM Punk vs Kane

This match wasn’t that long so I guess a little play by play action wont hurt, right? I know I said I would never do play by play again, but if Shawn Michaels thought me anything it’s that people will cheer filthy dirty liars so blame him for this. Bell rings and we are underway. Kane wastes no time in delivering a stiff chop to CM Punk’s throat which knocks him to the mat. Punk gets up, but before he has the chance to do anything, he is thrown out of the ring by Kane. Kane follows him and punches Punk in the face. Punk tries to stay on his feet by grabbing the barricade for support. Kane picks Punk up and drops him right on top of the barricade for good measure. Kane grabs Punk’s head [||](Pause) and rolls him back halfway into the ring. He punches Punk, whose upper body is hanging off the apron before pushing him in the ring completely. Kane enters the ring and slams Punk’s head into a turnbuckle. Kane chops Punk in the throat again and a “CM Punk, CM Punk” chant breaks out. Kane continues the assault with another punch, he then kicks Punk in the midsection. Punk slumps down in the corner and Kane starts stomping him out. Kane picks Punk up by his head and flips him over. Kane runs the ropes and hits Punk with a running dropkick. One, two, and Punk gets the shoulder up. Punk holds his mouth and seems to be in pain. Kane doesn’t care and Irishwhips Punk into the corner which he follows up with a running clothesline. Kane then hits Punk with another running clothesline in the corner. Kane then picks Punk up and delivers a side slam for a count of two. Punk tries rolling out of the ring, but Kane grabs him. Punk gets a hold of Kane and hangs him on the top rope. Punk then slingshots his way back into the ring where he attempts a flying clothesline, but Kane catches Punk by the throat. Punk kicks Kane in the head to break his grip. Punk then starts stomping out his opponent. He backs Kane into a corner and starts pounding on him [||](Pause). Kane pushes him off, but Punk hits him with a spin kick and continues his assault. He ref tells Punk to back off and he does. Kane comes out of the corner and Punk hits him a few times in the back with some forearm smashes. Punk then starts kicking away at Kane’s knees. Kane goes for a chokeslam, but Punk keeps kicking away at his knees until Kane releases the grip he had on his neck. Punk runs the ropes, but eats a big boot for his troubles. Kane then goes to the top rope, Punk runs up to him and kicks him. Punk goes for a superplex, but Kane swats him away. CM Punk has had enough and rolls out of the ring. Punk walks to the backstage area as he looks at the camera and say “What are they gonna do? Fire me? I don’t care”. Kane looks on in disbelief as the ref counts CM Punk out and awards him with the victory.

Winner by count out: Kane

This was too short to call great, but it wasn’t bad at all by Kane standards. They had a nice little match that made them both look good. I don’t blame Punk for walking out on the match since he is supposedly in the WWE for only 3 more weeks. Why should he risk getting injured before his big match at the Money In The Bank PPV? I think what he did was smart and if it was me, I would have done it sooner. Like he said, what are they gonna do, fire him? If he is leaving then what difference would that make anyways? Punk should just burn the whole fucking arena down and go out in a literal blaze of glory and take all the Little Jimmies with him to hell.

Still to come, Big Show vs Alberto Del Rio and John Cena vs R-Truth. The RAW Roulette wheel will determine the match stipulations, but you already know that.

WWE has a new Poker feature on its site which you can sign up to play here.

No Count Out Match: Sin Cara vs Evan Bourne

This was the match the people really voted for last week, but since the servers crashed we ended up seeing Evan Bourne vs Mason Ryan instead. Eve was backstage chilling with Booker T and she spinned the RAW Roulette wheel which determined the match stipulation, no count out. I bet Kane wished he had that option for his match huh? Anyways, this match was full of some great fast paced action with both men being evenly matched. A “Power Ranger” chant broke out. Ha. That was awesome. The crowd was really treated to some great action between two of the smaller WWE Superstars which is rare since WWE likes doing the big man vs little man matches. Both these guys are also faces which adds to the intrigue of this match up. There was a nice spot where Sin Cara had Evan set up on his shoulders which Evan countered into a huricarana on the concrete floor. There were a lot of flips, twirls, and reversals in this match which I hope will lead to some kind of rematch in the near future. The end came when Evan Bourne tried to hit his 450 splash, but Sin Cara got out of the way. Evan landed on his feet, but feel victim to a brutal looking “La Mistica” armbar finisher.

Winner: Sin Cara

Sin Cara needs to slow down his moves just a bit before he ends up seriously hurting one of his opponents. It looked like he almost popped Evan’s shoulder out of the socket. I wouldn’t be surprise if he ends up getting sent to FCW soon for some WWE style training.

Booker T and Kofi Kingston were shown backstage. Booker tells Kofi that the Anonymous RAW GM is letting Kofi spin the wheel to determine the stipulation of his match against… Dolph Ziggler. Fuck. Again? Anyways, he goes to spin the wheel, but Vickie comes out and spins the wheel for him. It lands on “Player’s Choice” which means Teddy Long helped design this wheel. Naw, it means Kofi can choose any stipulation he wants. Instead of giving himself a title shot, Kofi wants Vickie to be banned from ringside.

The announce team reveal the men who will participate in the RAW Money In The Bank Match which include; Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, Evan Bourne, Alberto Del Rio, R-Truth, Jack Swagger, Alex Riley and The Miz.

Player’s Choice Match: Kofi Kingston vs Dolph Ziggler

Fuck this match. I seriously needed to take a fucking shit and since I already seen this match like 50 million times this is the break I was so desperately waiting for. I was going to hold it until the Divas match, but I’m sure I won’t miss anything I haven’t already seen from these two, especially since they will probably end up having yet another fucking  match at the Money In The Bank PPV. Can we end this feud already?

Winner: My bowels

Booker T is shown backstage with the lovely french slut, Maryse. Booker T runs down all the action that has happened so far in the show. Alberto Del Rio comes in and doesn’t understand why he has to face Big Show when he already beat him at the Capitol Punishment PPV. Maryse agrees with him. Booker doesn’t know since he says he is only there to spin the damn wheel. Del Rio would rather Maryse spin it since he believes that she can bring him good luck. She spins the wheel and starts flirting with Del Rio. Her gold digging senses are tingling. While they are shown flirting, I could have sworn I heard Booker giving the wheel an extra spin and stopping it on the stipulation he wanted it to stop on. This was all done off camera so I could be wrong, but let’s face it, I’m hardly ever wrong about anything. The RAW Roulette wheel determined that Big Show vs Del Rio will be contested inside of a steel cage. Booker says “Tell me she just didn’t spin that?” Umm, no Booker, you did, when nobody was paying attention. Now can you dig that, sucka?

A video package was shown highlighting the total destruction of the Big Show at the hands of Mark Henry.

Steel Cage Match: Alberto Del Rio vs Big Show

Alberto Del Rio came out in a yellow Lamborghini, but his entrance didn’t feel the same since Ricardo Rodriguez is still selling the ass whooping he received at the hands of Big Show a few weeks back. When the match started I found it hilarious when Del Rio tried to climb out of the cage right away and the Big Show pulled at his trunk REVEALING A WHITE G-STRING!!!!! Ha, I had to rewind it back to make sure I wasn’t tweaking and sure enough Del Rio was rocking some fucking all white Victoria Secret panties. [||]PAUSE. I don’t think I can ever take Del Rio serious ever again. Anyways, Big Show tried to dominate the early goings of the match until Del Rio focused all of his attention to Big Show’s right leg. Mark Henry came out to watch the match since he apparently doesn’t give a fuck about brand exclusiveness. Big Show then tried to make a comeback, but Del Rio was doing a good job of keeping him grounded. In a retard move, Del Rio was right in front of the door and could have easily walked out, but he choose to climb the cage instead which gave Big Show a chance to regain his composure long enough to deliver a massive superplex. I was kinda disappointed that the ring didn’t break. While both men were on the mat selling the superplex, Mark Henry ripped the cage door off its hinges. He brought the door inside of the cage which allowed Del Rio to slither out of the ring.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

After the match, Mark Henry took the steel cage door and charged at the Big Show with it and ended up BREAKING THE FUCKING CAGE!!!!!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!! That was fucking awesome. Heel Mark Henry is the motherfucking shiznick bitches. Just a few days ago he pinned the World Heavyweight Champion and now this. Henry is definitely a force to be reckoned with and if he stays on this path then I will finally take him serious as one of WWE’s top heels in 2011.

They recapped the Big Show’s fat ass going through the side of the cage. I must have rewinded that part like 50 million times.

Submission Match: Kelly Kelly vs Nikki Bella

“You can look, but you can’t touch”. Ha, I’ll bet $100 that someone, somewhere, right now, is breaking out the loofah and washing their ass as they sing that song in the shower. Anyways, this was one of the best Diva matches I have ever seen in my life. Both of these women displayed skills never before seen in this division. I hope WWE makes a DVD chronicling the feud between Kelly Kelly and these identical cocksuckers Bella Whores Twins because this feud has been excellent thus far. Other wrestlers on the roster can learn a thing or two by watching this wrestling clinic. Here is the play by play of this masterpiece of a match. Nikki kicks Kelly in the midsection. Kelly drops down to one knee as Nikki grabs Kelly’s arm. Nikki puts Kelly’s arm behind her back and rams her into a corner. Kelly sells the pain in her shoulder. You see that John Cena? That’s how you fucking sell a move. Anyways, Nikki grabs the arm and slams Kelly down as she grips the arm and pulls it behind Kelly. Nikki then sits down as she locks in an armbar that would make Alberto Del Rio cry with jealousy. Ladies and gentlemen this is how you win matches, you attack a specific body part and continue to wear it down throughout the match until your opponent can’t go no more. Nikki puts more pressure on Kelly’s arm and I’m surprised that it didn’t break. Kelly gets to her feet as Nikki wrings her arm. Kelly orgasmicly screams in pain. Kelly then smashes Nikki in the face with two forearm smashes. Kelly being the ring savvy Diva that she is takes advantage of Nikki’s grogginess and locks in an excellently executed Boston Crab. She sat all the way back on it thus making it a modified Boston Crab the likes of the Walls Of Jericho. Nikki meets her pain threshold as she taps out to the superior Diva.

Winner: Kelly Kelly

After the match The Bella’s jumped Kelly Kelly until Eve Torres came out and saved the day. I really am honored to have witnessed wrestling perfection. Nikki and Kelly deserve their own wing in the WWE Hall Of Fame.

Ha, I’m just fucking with y’all. Still to come, John Cena vs R-Truth.

A video package was show highlighting Tough Enough winner Andy Leavine.

Booker T was show backstage with Rey Mysterio. They spin the wheel and it lands on Tornado Match. Booker says that it will be Mysterio and Riley vs The Miz and Jack Swagger. Booker then say “Tell me I didn’t just see that?” as the camera pans out and it shows none other than DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The creator of the world-famous RKO or should I say Diamond Cutter. Both men are happy to see each other since they go back to the old WCW days. DDP plugs the new Best Of WCW Nitro DVD now available nationwide. Drew McIntyre comes out of the rock he has been hiding under and says that some of the guys in the back have been calling Booker and DDP old washed up relics. Drew says that they are taking up his TV time and as the future of the company he recommends that they leave within ten minutes or they will be leaving the building in stretchers. Drew turns around and BAMMM, superkicked straight to hell courtesy of Shawn Michaels. Shawn asks to see the WCW Nitro DVD and says that he has never seen any of it since he was too busy working. Yea, working in making sure Nitro didn’t stay kicking WWF’s ass, which it did while Shawn Michaels was carrying the company so I guess he didn’t work hard enough. It wasn’t until he was forced to retire that WWF started making a comeback and you can thank Mick Foley for that. Booker says that he will send Shawn a copy so maybe one day when he is done killing poor defenseless animals he can kick back and watch it.

The “B.A Star” anti-bullying campaign video is shown. How am I supposed to take this shit serious when the Bellas of all people are speaking out against bullying? Those whores are the biggest bullies in the WWE right now. Whoever put this video together should be fired on the spot. Here’s a tip; Never put a heel in an anti-bullying video. It’s counterproductive and just plain retarded.

Tornado Tag Team Match: Rey Mysterio and Alex Riley vs The Miz and Jack Swagger

For those who might not know, a Tornado Tag Team Match is a tag match where all competitors are allowed to wrestle at the same time. No tags needed. I always asked myself why Tornado Tag Matches were always an option in the WWE games when WWE never showcases any Tornado tags. Seriously, when is the last time you seen one? 1998? I don’t even know. Anyways, this was a good fucking match for the time they were given. Every man held it down and the crowd was fucking hot for this shit. Swagger and Miz worked extremely well as a team and Mysterio was his usually awesome since being drafted to RAW. Alex Riley didn’t show any hint of having a messed up bicep tendon so that was good to see. Lots of hard-hitting, high-flying, fast-paced action. If you havent seen RAW then this is the one and only match you would want to go out of your way to see.

Winners: Rey Mysterio and Alex Riley

A video package highlighting Shawn Michaels new show was shown. If you have no regard for God’s innocent creatures then make sure to check out the savage Shawn Michaels kill animals for fun. They then plug his Twitter. I thought he wasn’t there to plug. Oh yea, he lied.

R-Truth was shown backstage talking to himself. Booker T walks in on him and tells him to hurry up and spin the damn wheel. R-Truth looks at the wheel to “make sure there is no conspiracy amongst us”. Ha, this dude is super paranoid. Truth spins the wheel and it lands on Tables Match. R-Truth promises that John Cena is going to get got. He then either talks to himself or someone off camera. It’s hard to tell because he looks off to the side. I’m just going to assume the crazy fucker was talking to himself. Fuck it.

Tables Match: John Cena vs R-Truth

You should know the rules by now. The first person to go through a table loses. This match was a slobberknocker with the action spilling on the outside. This was more of a brawl than a wrestling match. The defining moment came when John Cena was going to give Truth an Attitude Adjustment. CM Punk, wearing a “Stone Cold” Steve Austin shirt at that, came out and moved the table out-of-the-way. Cena and Punk traded blows until Truth speared Cena through a table set up in the corner.

Winner: R-Truth

So far I have pulled the trigger a few times and nothing. I’m still alive. Cena losing was the closest I came to the promised land. I guess I’m just an unlucky son of a bitch, but wait there is still some time left. *Spins cylinder. Cocks back the hammer. BOOM!!!!!!!!!!* That’s fucking right, something so fucking epic happened that I feel like I can just die as a fan right now because professional wrestling will never have another moment like this. Ever.

So what could possibly be so exciting that I had to change my underwear 5 times because of all the nuts I so happened to bust while witnessing it? CM MOTHERFUCKING PUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s right, the guy who is on his way out cut one of the most epic promos I have heard all century. This was the work shoot to end all work shoots. Just when I think CM Punk can’t get any better, he does. No other site has his whole shoot transcribe so I took it upon myself to write down his words. This promo had me on the edge of my seat and for the first time in a long time I had goosebumps watching Monday Night RAW. This is how the people who wrote the bible must have felt when God talked to them. Here is the promo:

“John Cena, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this because before I leave in three weeks, with your WWE Championship, I have alot of things I want to get off my chest. I don’t hate you John. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people in the back. I hate this idea that you’re the best… because you’re not. I’m the best. I’m the best in the world. There’s one thing you’re better at than I am and that’s kissing Vince McMahon’s ass. You’re as good at kissing Vince McMahon’s ass as Hulk Hogan was. I don’t know if you’re as good as Dwayne though. He’s a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is. Ooops, I’m breaking the fourth wall. I am the best wrestler in the world. I’ve been the best ever since day one when I walked into this company and I’ve been vilified and hated since that day because Paul Heyman saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That’s right, I’m a Paul Heyman guy. You know who else is a Paul Heyman guy? Brock Lesner and he split just like I’m splitting,but the biggest difference between me and Brock is I’m going to leave with the WWE Championship. I’ve grabbed so many of Vincent K. McMahon’s imaginary brass rings that it’s finally dawned on me that they are just that, they are completely imaginary. The only thing that’s real is me and the fact that day in and day out for almost six years I’ve proved to everybody in the world that I am the best. I’m the best microphone in that ring and even at commentary nobody can touch me. And yet, no matter how many times I’ve proven it I’m not on your lovely little collectors cups, I’m not on the cover of the program, I’m barely promoted, I don’t get to be in movies, I’m certainly not on any crappy show on the USA Network, I’m not on the poster of Wrestlemania, I’m not on the signature that’s produced at the start of the show. I’m not on Conan O’Brian, I’m not on Jimmy Fallon, but the fact of the matter is I should be and trust me this isn’t sour grapes it’s the fact that Dwayne is in the main event of Wrestlemania next year and I’m not makes me sick. Oh and hey, let me get something straight, those of you that are cheering me right now, you are just a biggest part of me leaving as anything else, because you are the ones that are sipping out of those collectors cups right now. You’re the ones that buy those programs that my face isn’t on the cover of, then at 5 in the morning at the airport you try to shove it in my face so you can get an autograph and try to sell it on Ebay because you’re to lazy to get a real job. I’m leaving with the WWE Championship on July 17th and who knows, maybe I’ll go defend it in New Japan Pro Wrestling. Maybe I’ll go back to Ring Of Honor. Hey Colt Cobana, how you doing? The reason I’m leaving is you people because after I’m gone you’re still going to pour money into this company. I’m just a spoke on the wheel. The wheels gonna keep turning and I understand that, but Vince McMahon is gonna make money despite himself. He’s a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he’s not a billionaire? It’s because he surrounds himself with glad handing, non-sensicle, douchebag yes men like John Laurinaitis who is going to tell him everything that he wants to hear and I’ll like to think that maybe this company would be better after Vince McMahon’s death, but the fact is it’s going to be taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law and the rest of his stupid family. Let me tell you a personal story about Vince McMahon alright. When we do this whole bullying campa…….”

His mic then cuts off and RAW goes off the air. Without the sign off logo at that. I don’t think you understand how epic CM Punk’s words were. If you didn’t catch RAW then you missed history in the making. I got you though. Here’s the video if you haven’t seen it or just want to relive perfection:

 

As a result of this shoot, WWE has released the following statement on its website:

“Monday Night Raw’s abrupt conclusion last night was not due to technical difficulties. The decision to suddenly end the broadcast in that manner was made by WWE Chairman and CEO Vince McMahon, who gave this quote to WWE.com:

“CM Punk was suspended indefinitely for his unprofessional conduct as soon as Raw went off the air.”

With his WWE contract expiring on July 17, one can only assume that this suspension effectively terminates CM Punk’s tenure with WWE.

They even removed him from the RAW Roster page.

I really fucking hope that this is not a cheap way to screw CM Punk out of his WWE Championship Match at the Money In The Bank PPV. CM Punk just made WWE relevant again. Punk just shot adrenaline into a product that has been seriously lacking “It”. I have never been so intrigued in a John Cena main event like this. Ever. You can thank CM Punk for that. If WWE wants me to spend my $50 on a PPV then reinstate CM Punk now goddamn it. I understand that this is a work, but I wouldn’t put it past anyone in the WWE to be like “Hey Punk, just cut this promo and don’t worry about the PPV you’re done”. RAW spoilers for next week are out and I am dying to read them. I’m trying so hard not to, but I need to know where this is going. There is no way that they can act like this never happened. I will never forget this moment. CM Punk went from one of my favorite all around wrestlers to AN UNDISPUTED WRESTLING CULT ICON!!!!

Here are a few tweets from people in the business regarding CM Punk’s promo:

Steve Austin: @CMPunk just melted my 52 inch TV with a scorching hot promo…delivery, content, and attitude…one of the best promos I’ve ever seen.

Shawn Michaels: 2 words 4 @CMPunk- thata boy. Felt like old times. Anywho, back 2 my normal life, tweet u on touchdown:-)

Jim Ross: Amazing feedback on @cmpunk end of Raw comments. Too many overanalyzing it. Did you like it? If so, enjoy it. Was it compelling? Yes

Taz: Punk did a great job & I always liked him when we were in wwe together and his work! But I must say… There r many of us who were NEVER pushed to the level Punk was & were NEVER allowed to shoot like that, he’s lucky he was allowed to do that. But it was very strong & real!! I liked a lot! Good stuff Punk!

Colt Cabana: Colt Cabana’s Trending but @CMPunk should legit trend FOREVER. Coolest thing on wrestling since 1998. Can’t believe theyre gonna let’m walk

Chris Jericho: “Congrats to @cmpunk and Vince McMahon for doing something tonight that hasn’t been done in awhile…make history.”

Maryse: @CMPunk for President of the United-States….

Todd Grisham: Punk came unhinged tonight. Never seen anything like it in my 8 years @WWE

JBL: CM Punk’s promo-shoot or work? Who cares? When you are so good that you can put that doubt in viewers minds you have done your job very well

MVP: “My verdict after watching the @CMPunk promo, he just had his Austin 3:16 moment. Don’t fuck this one up WWE”

MVP took the words right out of my mouth. CM Punk just had his Austin 3:16 moment. DON”T FUCK THIS UP WWE. If I have to use one word to describe this episode of RAW it would be; solid. If I had to use one word to describe CM Punk’s promo it would be; EPIC!!!!!! On that note, thank you for reading THE INFAMOUS™ WWE Monday Night RAW Review. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed putting it together.

CM PUNK!!! CM PUNK!!!! CM MOTHERFUCKING PUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Fades2Black*

  1. June 28, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    I did a RAW review too ( http://howiwouldbookit.blogspot.com/2011/06/raw-comments-06272011.html ). I also posted the Punk video and transcript but after viewing the video, a lot of the transcript that is available online is incorrect so my transcript is probably the most accurate transcript available right now. Actually I just took a look at your transcript and it looks like it is accurate too.

    Note to everyone….avoid Heyman Hustle and WrestleZone for the transcript. Just read it here….JCITY has the correct one.

    • June 28, 2011 at 3:00 pm

      That promo was too damn epic. I was looking around for a transcript earlier but got nothing. I sat there and made sure I wrote every word as he said it. Five, ten, twenty years from now this site may or may not be updated, but I know people will Google this promo and I wanted to make sure I got it as accurate as possible. I believe this will stand the test of time. CM Punk was good before, but he just cemented himself as an all time great last night no matter if he stays or goes. I think if he does leave it will be even more epic. He would have gone out guns blazing not giving a fuck. MITB has to be the hottest ticket in the world right now. You are in for a historic night.

      • June 28, 2011 at 3:19 pm

        That promo…wow…it was one of those moments when you watch it and immediately afterwards you realize, “I just witnessed WWE history.” That feeling has happened to me about only four times during RAW since 2008: when Orton punted McMahon in 2009, the NEXUS Invasion in 2010, Cena giving Rock the FU this year, and Punk’s promo last night.

        • June 28, 2011 at 3:42 pm

          All those moments were epic except John Cena giving The Rock the FU. That feud felt kayfaby while the others had a surreal feel to them. Then again you saw that live…

  2. June 28, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ :
    MITB has to be the hottest ticket in the world right now. You are in for a historic night.

    Fuck….and I thought the Cena-Rock showdown on RAW before Wrestlemania was the hottest ticket in the world. As soon as The Rock revealed he was coming to Chicago, RAW had a legit sell-out. You could go to TICKETMASTER and there wasn’t ANY tickets available. Now I think I agree with you….MITB has become an even bigger ticket than that. I’m so lucky to live just 20 minutes from the Allstate Arena.

    • June 28, 2011 at 3:46 pm

      Cena/Rock was cool and all, but this is CM Punk in Chicago for the WWE Championship in what could be his last match after shooting hard on WWE and Vince Mcmahon’s “stupid family”. The roof is going to blow the fuck off that building. I bet you’re going to lose your voice at MITB. Add to that the two ladder matches and that is going to be one hell of a show.

      • June 28, 2011 at 4:00 pm

        Cena vs. CM Punk sounds like a wet dream for Chicago wrestling fans. I know CM Punk is the Chicago guy but if you asked, “Which is stronger in Chicago….the love for Punk or the hate for Cena” I’d be leaning towards the hate for Cena. Chicago destroyed Cena when he was facing Triple H at WM22. Now he’s facing the hottest superstar in the company and someone Chicago really likes? Oh boy….I can’t believe Cena agreed to this match. It won’t be ONS but I think it will be the closest thing to it. I’ve already read that several fans are planning on bringing “If Cena wins, we riot” signs.

        • Capt. Smooth
          June 28, 2011 at 5:15 pm

          I know certain “smart” cities like to go against the grain, so it wouldn’t shock me to see a fairly large amout of Chicago fans who think they are going against the grain start cheering Cena and booing Punk, just to sound ironic in a smark city. I see it all the time where the contrarian internet culture turns against itself, because they think their unpopular opinion is really the popular one.

          • June 28, 2011 at 10:06 pm

            Boo the hell out of Cena. I bet Punk will rip the crowd to gain some heat, but give that man a proper send off regardless. I dont think CM Punk can ever do no wrong no matter how much he insults the fans. The man earned my utmost respect last night.

            • June 28, 2011 at 10:13 pm

              Yeah Punk probably will rip the crowd. He did it at Night of Champions and he kinda ripped the crowd on that March 28th RAW too. I doubt he’ll rip them right before the match…probably backstage while he is being asked dumb questions by Matt Striker (“CM Punk…you are in your hometown in what you say will be your last WWE match. Discuss what you are feeling right now.”)

              • June 29, 2011 at 12:27 am

                He was still cheered dispite the ripping of the fans. Chicago knows its all part of the show and respect him as the elite performer that he is.

              • Capt. Smooth
                June 29, 2011 at 5:49 am

                I want to see Cena win just so we can have a “Mizgirl” of smarks.

                • June 29, 2011 at 7:33 am

                  Based on the spoiler I read, what if McMahon and Punk are in this together to screw John Cena? I’ve said enough. Maybe I’ll post something discussion the spoilers and where I think it will go and if people don’t want the spoilers then they don’t have to read that post. That might be easier since I’m probably gonna be out celebrating the 4th of July Monday night.

                  • June 29, 2011 at 10:26 am

                    Do it! I read the spoilers too and it sucks to be not able to discuss it. If this was the WWE, the spoilers are the words “Chris Benoit”.

                    • June 29, 2011 at 2:40 pm

                      I might have that up sometime tonight or tomorrow morning. I’ve written everyday for the last four days. My batteries need a quick recharge, but I will continue to write. The people deserve better stuff than what they are used to reading. The IWC is a snowglobe and I want to shake it up then throw it against a brick wall and watch it shatter.

  3. June 28, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ :
    All those moments were epic except John Cena giving The Rock the FU. That feud felt kayfaby while the others had a surreal feel to them. Then again you saw that live…

    That’s probably why. In Chicago, we were hating Cena and loving the Rock so much that we all assumed Cena just turned heel.

    • Capt. Smooth
      June 28, 2011 at 5:16 pm

      It takes more than that to turn heel today. For a certain group of fans, the more you act like a douchebag, the more they cheer for you.

      • June 28, 2011 at 6:11 pm

        Christian turned heel when he hit Orton with the belt. When Christian did that, I thought nothing of it. After Orton interfered in Christian’s match and cost him a title match, I thought Orton deserved that cheap shot.

        • Capt. Smooth
          June 28, 2011 at 8:03 pm

          But Orton wasn’t going after Christian, he was going after Mark Henry who had just attacked him. My issue with Christian is that he keeps saying that he can beat Orton. Why not beat him in the ring? Otherwise, he should shut up…unless we get more of the Randy!, Riley!, Jimmy! bits. That was fun!

          • June 28, 2011 at 10:09 pm

            He could have beat his if the ref didn’t screw him at Capitol Punishment. That’s why I don’t like his heel turn, he has legitimate arguments on why he should get another shot. To me he is still a sympathetic face or tweener. Its going to take a bit more for me to be convinced.

            • Capt. Smooth
              June 29, 2011 at 5:51 am

              He’s also running down the crowd. This whole turn was not needed!

  4. June 28, 2011 at 4:49 pm
    • June 28, 2011 at 10:12 pm

      Ha. CM Punk is too awesome for words.

      • June 28, 2011 at 10:17 pm

        I had to switch the video just within the last hour. WWE posted the video on their official youtube account and then removed the video. Luckily someone else posted it on youtube. I already saved it to my computer in case it is removed again.

        • June 29, 2011 at 12:28 am

          They really are pulling all the stops for this work. This is so awesome. WWE.com just said that CM Punk will have to fulfill his contracted dates overseas on tour.

  5. Capt. Smooth
    June 28, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    I think Punk’s a woman…because it sounded like it was his time of the month last night. Honestly, he comes off like some jealous little bitch. If I wanted to hear the type of things that Punk said, I would’ve just gone to any random wrestling website. So, I don’t think his words were all that special, but his delivery was terrific! The thing that stood out to me most was when he went after his own fans. They cheer for him. He treats them like dirt. They cheer for him some more. It sounds like victims of spousal abuse. “He only hits me because he loves me! I need to do a better job of supporting him! His happiness is more important!” Another thing it reminds me of, and sorry to bring up the Potter series again is Lord Voldemort. He demands devotion, without caring about anybody else. He thinks he is the best, but has too many character flaws. I swear, Punk is a great character!

    • June 28, 2011 at 10:16 pm

      His flaws make him… perfect. [||]Pause… just in case.

      • Capt. Smooth
        June 29, 2011 at 5:53 am

        Nah, he picked Otunga and Perfect Jr. to lead! That should tell you he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. LOL

        • June 29, 2011 at 7:35 am

          And they are Tag Team Champions of the world, lol.

          • Capt. Smooth
            June 29, 2011 at 5:30 pm

            THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ :
            I might have that up sometime tonight or tomorrow morning. I’ve written everyday for the last four days. My batteries need a quick recharge, but I will continue to write. The people deserve better stuff than what they are used to reading. The IWC is a snowglobe and I want to shake it up then throw it against a brick wall and watch it shatter.

            Heavy
            David Arquette was World Heavyweight Champion.

            • Capt. Smooth
              June 29, 2011 at 5:31 pm

              OOPS!

          • Capt. Smooth
            June 29, 2011 at 5:31 pm

            David Arquette was World Heavyweight Champion.

            • June 30, 2011 at 4:30 am

              Umm, ok. Lol.

              • June 30, 2011 at 9:35 am

                I think he meant to just post “David Arquette was World Heavyweight Champion” and accidentally had “Heavy” in the comment because he had written that in a previous comment.

                • June 30, 2011 at 11:03 am

                  I know, but I don’t get what that had to do with my initial comment. It was random as hell, lol.

                  • Capt. Smooth
                    June 30, 2011 at 4:56 pm

                    J, it had to do with what we were talking about. You had mentioned that Perfect Jr. and Otunga were tag champs as a replay to my statement that Punk wasn’t good at picking people to lead. I answered back that David Arquette was world champ. My point was that titles don’t mean much sometimes. I should’ve explained that better. Sorry.

                • Capt. Smooth
                  June 30, 2011 at 4:52 pm

                  Thanks for the explaination, Tony!…lol

  6. Mr.Redlight
    June 28, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    sorry to interrupt your guys’ convo… lol jk. Fuck this raw was epic my gf was at home and was watching it with her brothers and she texts me saying this was the first wrestling show she ever had interest in lol i have watched the shoot promo three times now

    • June 28, 2011 at 10:18 pm

      I hope they get a above average rating next week to show Vince that WWE NEEDS CM PUNK!!!!

  7. June 28, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    Capt. Smooth :
    I know certain “smart” cities like to go against the grain, so it wouldn’t shock me to see a fairly large amout of Chicago fans who think they are going against the grain start cheering Cena and booing Punk, just to sound ironic in a smark city. I see it all the time where the contrarian internet culture turns against itself, because they think their unpopular opinion is really the popular one.

    huh? A smark crowd acting like a regular crowd to “go against the grain”. Would that be like John Cena deciding to sell an injury just to be ironic even though that’s what he is expected to do? Or Hornswoggle not being annoying? Or Big Show not being a bad wrestler? Or Michael Cole not being an idiot?

    I will say that I have been reading a lot of comments from the IWC and they are fully expecting the majority of the crowd to be anti-cena and pro-Punk. I hope so too but a lot of kids always go to these WWE shows and they all love Cena and don’t give a shit where Punk is from.

    • Capt. Smooth
      June 28, 2011 at 7:58 pm

      Tony, I’ll give you an example of what I mean. Let’s take the Star Wars new trilogy. A great majority of people who went to see them liked them very much, but if you go online, you would almost think that it was the other way around. And due to the online community talking to each other constantly, they are under the impression that hating the movie is the popular opinion. Due to the contarian nature of the net, I can see where some people, wanting to go against the grain, will think that hating the movie is popular and will suddenly start praising the movies just to sound “cool”. Essentially, the contrarian online community turns on itself.

      That’s what I’m taliking about with Cena/Punk. Many in the IWC think that hating Cena is the “popular” opinion, so they may cheer Cena and boo Punk just to be cooler than the room.

      • June 28, 2011 at 9:23 pm

        Chicago is called “Smark City” but our love for heels and hate for faces is exaggerated. Yes we boo John Cena and cheer CM Punk (and also Chris Jericho). But we also cheer for a lot of the faces and boo a lot of the heels. Santino gets cheers in Chicago. The roof nearly blew off when faces Orton and Daniel Bryan won at NOC last year. Cole and Vickie get a lot of heel heat.

        Chicago is an honest crowd. We don’t boo Cena and cheer Punk just to “go against the grain”. We boo Cena because we’ve “Cena ’nuff” and we cheer Punk because he’s our Chicago Made Punk.

        If Chicago was one of the cities that “goes against the grain”, they had the ultimate “going against the grain” opportunity: booing The Rock. It doesn’t get anymore “going against the grain” than that. And Chicago cheered him…a lot.

        I think other cities may boo Cena just to “go against the grain” but I think Chicago legitimately hates Cena’s gimmick. As for Punk, he also got cheered when he was a face….he’s our hometown hero….that’s not going against the grain.

        The Punk love and the Cena hate may or may not be as epic as the IWC is expecting on July 17 but Cena WILL get boos and Punk WILL get cheers.

        • June 28, 2011 at 10:21 pm

          MITB is gold as it is, but that crowd is going to make it EPIC. For once I can’t wait to see the next raw, order a PPV, etc etc… If I ever was thinking about not watching wrestling anymore (as if) CM Punk just regained my faith in the product.

          Viva La Punk!!!!!!!!

          • June 28, 2011 at 10:29 pm

            Punk is why I continue to watch the WWE. Just when I ask myself “Why do I still watch this shit every week”, Punk delivers a must-see moment. I’m nervous about Punk leaving. With Jericho and Edge gone…there’s not many reasons left to watch the WWE. The Miz will have to carry the load with Punk gone.

        • Capt. Smooth
          June 29, 2011 at 5:55 am

          So what you’re telling me is that Chicago isn’t Canada? Good to know. LOL

          • Capt. Smooth
            June 29, 2011 at 5:57 am

            Tony, that was a response to you, sorry.

          • June 29, 2011 at 10:39 am

            Yeah Chicago isn’t Canada. They booed The Rock…we didn’t.

            • June 29, 2011 at 2:40 pm

              They saw right through his lies.

              • June 29, 2011 at 3:49 pm

                I’m talking about the Hogan-Rock match. Maybe they could see into the future?

                • Capt. Smooth
                  June 29, 2011 at 5:32 pm

                  Time machine?

                • June 30, 2011 at 4:31 am

                  Oh, lol. Those people loved them some “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan.

  8. Capt. Smooth
    June 28, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    Mason Ryan injured outside the ring. Out anywhere from 6 weeks to 6 months.

    • June 28, 2011 at 10:24 pm

      Mason sucks. They need to bring back Skip Sheffield.

      • June 28, 2011 at 10:30 pm

        I miss Skip. Yep yep yep! What it do!

        • June 29, 2011 at 12:31 am

          I hated that catchphrase, but he was a badass when he was in Nexus.

          • Capt. Smooth
            June 29, 2011 at 5:57 am

            He’s still injured and just had another surgery.

            • June 29, 2011 at 7:37 am

              Shizzballs. I thought he was ready for a return soon. Oh well, at least there is still Tyler Black. Now that guy can wrestle his ass off.

  9. Mike Brazil
    June 28, 2011 at 10:46 pm

    I was in shock when Punk delivered that epic promo. It was amazing how he expressed how a lot of the fans feel. Let’s hope that this is the start to something epic. Felt even better that Raw wasn’t focused around Cena. Viva la Punk!

    • June 29, 2011 at 12:34 am

      I hope they replay the promo on Smackdown. I doubt it though, but Punk has everyone buzzing right now. WWE would be stupid to let him go. A month or two off, fine I can live with that, but gone forever? I don’t think I will like that too much, lol.

      • Capt. Smooth
        June 29, 2011 at 5:59 am

        Unless he wants to go and have some rest. In the long term, that’s probably best for both parties involved.

        • June 29, 2011 at 7:39 am

          If he leaves for a while and comes back I think he will get a massive pop and maybe turn face. Fans want to boo the fuck outta him, but he has earned a lot of people’s respect kinda like when Jericho was a heel.

  10. June 28, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    Punk probably should have kissed Vince’s ass more.

  11. June 28, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    Like this:

    Punk: “Hi Cody Rhodes…wait…is that you Vince? Wow, you’re looking great!”

    Vince: *giggles* “Thanks”

    Punk: “You’re looking great! Have you been working out?”

    Vince: “A little” *giggles*

    Punk: “Whatcha doing?”

    Vince: “Booking Cena as WWE Champ”

    Punk: “Oh look, my speedo fell off, silly me”

    Vince: “………..Ummmmm….”

    Punk: “So who’s WWE Champ?”

    Vince: “Oh oh…ummm…I was just about to make you WWE Champ. I just realized how great you were! Move over Rock, Punk needs some room on my ass. My ass can do tricks you know, Punk?”

    Punk: “Oh I’d love to see them!”

    _________

    And that’s all Punk needed to do.

    Insert PAUSE and Backdoor To Chyna refferences.

    • June 29, 2011 at 12:35 am

      Fuck no. He is playing by his own rules and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

      • Capt. Smooth
        June 29, 2011 at 6:01 am

        I can handle ass-kissing, but stepping over people is what gets me angry.

        • June 29, 2011 at 7:39 am

          John Cena steps over people all the time.

          • Capt. Smooth
            June 29, 2011 at 5:34 pm

            No, Cena just dressed up like Vanilla Ice. 🙂

            • June 30, 2011 at 4:33 am

              Or he kisses Vince’s ass to make sure he stays the face of the company at the expense of the new generation.

              • Capt. Smooth
                June 30, 2011 at 6:16 am

                If he were really doing anything at the “expense of the new gerneration”, we’s hear about more. Punk’s comments aren’t enough. We need to see a pattern.

                • Capt. Smooth
                  June 30, 2011 at 6:17 am

                  “we’d”

                • June 30, 2011 at 11:01 am

                  You do hear alot. When they get released. Just look up MVP, Anderson, Kaval, Matt Hardy, Mick Foley and recently Chavo.

                  • Capt. Smooth
                    June 30, 2011 at 4:58 pm

                    Not usually about Cena. The worst thing I hear about him is that he is one of Vince’s boys, not that he’s a Hogan-style politics guy.

  12. Hannington Dia
    June 29, 2011 at 1:53 am

    *Looks around at all the other comments by grown men jizzing over Punk’s shoot.* Uh, yeah. Nothing to add here. Keep it moving.

    And btw, If you can’t trust a man of God, you can trust an Atheist. They don’t care about offending people and will tell you the truth. Not the “truth” that other book has. Theirs is cooler.

    • Mr.Redlight
      June 29, 2011 at 4:08 am

      you mad bro? by the way your name says that you take it in the butt. You seem way to worried about other guys jizzing.

      • Capt. Smooth
        June 29, 2011 at 6:03 am

        He is right, there is a jizz fest for Punk. It reminds me of Cole jizzing for Miz.

        • June 29, 2011 at 7:42 am

          If we bottle this jizm up we can make a killing at the spermbank. (We just have to make sure LT doesn’t break in and drinks up all the samples) I have about ten gallons… What? I have huge balls

          [||]PAUSE x1,000,000

          • Capt. Smooth
            June 29, 2011 at 5:35 pm

            EEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. Max
    June 29, 2011 at 3:43 am

    I missed this review. From the Shawn Michaels stuff, Ricky Martin as the GM, you taking a shit and even writing down the whole CM Punk promo, this was a really good read. You might just right the best Raw reviews ever and I thought nobody would ever top the TJR reviews.

    • Mr.Redlight
      June 29, 2011 at 4:09 am

      i read everyone on tjr except lonestars. He half asses them cuz he is too busy watching pokemon.

    • June 29, 2011 at 7:44 am

      I am perfection… perfection. Oh, sorry, just singing Dolph Ziggler’s theme. What happened?

  14. Rob
    June 29, 2011 at 5:31 am

    Only JCITY would take a Raw Rouelette show and turn it into a Russian Rouelette review complete with the Rihanna song. What exactly do you smoke when you write this stuff because I need some of that?

  15. Capt. Smooth
    June 29, 2011 at 6:04 am

    J, I forgot. If Ricky Martin came out…PAUSE…as the G.M., I’d laugh my ass off.

    • June 29, 2011 at 7:48 am

      Ricky Martin did come out and not as the GM either. Unless GM stands for Gonad Muncher. [||]Pause.

  16. June 29, 2011 at 7:06 am

    The best thing about this promo is that I can tweak it and diss the whole IWC from writers to commentators and sites if I ever decided to quit and walk away. That first part would set it off lovely. Not that I would do such a thing, but if I did, I’m so tweaking this promo. Thank you CM Punk 🙂

  17. June 29, 2011 at 10:31 am

    Capt. Smooth :
    I want to see Cena win just so we can have a “Mizgirl” of smarks.

    That happened when Cena beat Triple H at WM22.

    Check out the guy at around the 5:50 mark.

    • June 29, 2011 at 10:33 am

      no wait….THIS is the Mizgirl Smark at WM22.

      • Capt. Smooth
        June 29, 2011 at 5:37 pm

        That guy>Mizgirl!

  18. June 29, 2011 at 10:46 am

    THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ :
    The best thing about this promo is that I can tweak it and diss the whole IWC from writers to commentators and sites if I ever decided to quit and walk away. That first part would set it off lovely. Not that I would do such a thing, but if I did, I’m so tweaking this promo. Thank you CM Punk

    haha…I see what you mean.

    “John Cena…oops….I mean Canton, while you sit at your computer, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to read what I write. I want you to digest this because before I leave in three weeks, with your WordPress password, I have alot of things I want to get off my chest. I don’t hate you John. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people in the IWC. I hate this idea that you’re the best… because you’re not. I’m the best.”

    • June 29, 2011 at 2:35 pm

      Lol. Something along those lines. I doubt it will ever happen, but if it ever does then I know what to do.

  19. Capt. Smooth
    June 29, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ :
    I might have that up sometime tonight or tomorrow morning. I’ve written everyday for the last four days. My batteries need a quick recharge, but I will continue to write. The people deserve better stuff than what they are used to reading. The IWC is a snowglobe and I want to shake it up then throw it against a brick wall and watch it shatter.

    Heavy

  20. Capt. Smooth
    June 29, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Going to see Transformers tonight! Catch you all later!

    • June 30, 2011 at 4:29 am

      That should be a good movie. I’m going to see it on the fourth before I go watch the fireworks.

      • Capt. Smooth
        June 30, 2011 at 6:19 am

        BAD. ASS. ACTION!!!

        • June 30, 2011 at 11:02 am

          Cant wait. I loved the previous movies. Too bad there’s no Megan Fox.

          • Capt. Smooth
            June 30, 2011 at 5:00 pm

            Forget Megan! The new woman has a better rack!

            • July 1, 2011 at 2:10 am

              It would be hilarious if at the end of the movie Shai Labuf goes to fuck that chick and she ends up being a transexual, he gets a what the fuck look on his face then the old school song “Transformers, more than meets the eye” plays then the end credits roll

              • Capt. Smooth
                July 1, 2011 at 5:53 am

                That’s what happens!!!(not)

                • July 1, 2011 at 6:38 am

                  It would be hilarious though.

                  • Capt. Smooth
                    July 1, 2011 at 7:45 pm

                    Even funnier if he were into it.

  21. Ana_ZackPack
    July 2, 2011 at 7:44 am

    Punk is my hero. Period.

    • July 3, 2011 at 6:42 am

      He should leave WWE and do Pepsi commercials.

      • Ana_ZackPack
        July 3, 2011 at 8:53 am

        Or porn. Just kidding xD

        • Capt. Smooth
          July 3, 2011 at 9:30 am

          Probably scat porn, because he’s used to people shitting on him in WWE.

  1. August 26, 2011 at 1:04 pm
  2. December 12, 2011 at 7:09 am

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