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My Exclusive Interview With Dixie Carter by Shaman’s Harvest

My Exclusive Interview With Dixie Carter by Shaman’s Harvest

Edited by THE INFAMOUS JCITY™

I’ve never really written anything about TNA before, probably because they suck, but I thought I would change that. No sense in reviewing Impact Wrestling since I have no idea what’s going on there anyways, so I decided it was time for another Exclusive Infamous Interview and get to the bottom of TNA’s suckery. I first tried to interview Hulk Hogan, but all he wanted to do was talk about The Ultimate Warrior and make me guess which one of his blonde bimbos was his daughter and which was his wife/girlfriend/hooker. I really don’t see why it mattered since he had sex with both afterwards. Then I tried to interview Eric Bischoff, but all he did was ask me to edit a stolen CM Punk promo for Sting to say. Then he showed me his penis so I knew it was time to go. Finally I decided I’d settle for the stupid bitch… I mean, talented and dedicated Southerner (oxymoron) named Dixie Carter, the President of TNA (I think). So let’s see what she had to say!

Your Hero (me of course): “Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to have this interview with me Mrs. Carter.”

Dixie: “It’s not that busy… but, um, it’s a pleasure to be interviewed by a New York Times reporter like yourself. I can’t wait to read the interview!”

Your Hero: “Yeah… So tell me a bit about Impact Wrestling.”

Dixie: “I don’t know what that is.”

Your Hero: “TNA, they call it Impact Wrestling now.”

Dixie: “Since when?”

Your Hero: “I don’t know, no one really follows it that closely. Ok, so tell me about Impact Wrestling/TNA.”

Dixie: “Well, we’re an Orlando Florida based Non-Profit Organization that focuses on wrestling based entertai…”

Your Hero: “Wait, Non-profit?”

Dixie: “Yes.”

Your Hero: “You’re not a Non-profit organization, you’re a Pro Wrestling organization. That wouldn’t make any sense.”

Dixie: “Then why don’t we ever make any money?”

Let me just say that there was soooooooo much I wanted to say there, I mean she could not have given me a bigger way to rip on her, but I decided I didn’t want to break her spirit… yet.

Your Hero: “Ok… moving on. Recently Impact Wrestling has been promoting the catchphrase, “Wrestling Matters”. Tell me about that.”

Dixie: “Well, the TNA Creative Team spends all day watching WWE to scout our competition. We order every PPV and all of John Cena’s merchandise and we’ve realized that they don’t wrestle like they used to. I don’t even think they call them wrestlers anymore! Can you believe that? So we decided to provide an alternative that focuses on wrestling and the best wrestlers in the world.”

Your Hero: “Yeah, you guys don’t have very much wrestling on your show. It’s basically all bad promos and what’s really ironic is that you have your “Wrestling Matters” sign in the background during Hulk Hogan and Eric’s hour-long promos, where they say the same thing they say every other week. And if you do have matches they involve old men like Scott Steiner who can barely walk without falling apart.”

Dixie: “We like to use established stars like Hulk Hogan and Scott. It attracts ratings.”

Your Hero: “Dixie, they’re old men. No one wants to see them anymore.”

Dixie: “Eric says they do…”

Your Hero: “Do you have any idea what your average ratings are?”

Dixie: “B+?”

Your Hero: “What? Dixie, there’s no wrestling, just terrible promos from boring old men.”

Dixie: “Well, we have to advanced storylines.”

Your Hero: “What time does Impact Wrestling air, Dixie?”

Dixie:

Your Hero: “Who’s the Impact Wrestling Champion?”

Dixie: “Hulk Hogan?”

Your Hero: “I think we’re done here. Thank you Dixie… and may God help your employees.”

Dixie: “I have employees?”

Your Hero: “Fuck you.”

There you have it, straight from the source! We can see that the main problem in TNA is NOT Dixie Carter, as she was the only person in Impact Wrestling who could speak semi-proper English and wasn’t completely wasted when I got there. She’s truly the only thing that’s holding this company together.

Thanks for reading.

______
Disclaimer: This is intended solely for entertainment purposes only. The contents of this interview are imaginary and did not really occur.

  1. July 7, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    ha…you didn’t even to bother write the “don’t sue me” part this time.

    • July 7, 2011 at 1:04 pm

      This time was probably the best time to do it, they’d do anything to make money.

      • July 7, 2011 at 3:13 pm

        Except charge for tickets or so I hear.

        • July 7, 2011 at 3:20 pm

          Only the Universal Studios shows are free. I do believe they charge tickets for house shows. Wasn’t WCW tapings free? I remember watching when DX invaded WCW and one of the WCW fans was bragging that his ticket was free. And then Triple H said, “Why were they free?” and the fan replied, “Because WCW sucks!”

          • July 7, 2011 at 3:59 pm

            That was a great moment. I went to a WCW show once and I think my dad paid like $20 for my ticket. Unless he lied. He used to get free Red Sox tickets all the time. WCW did charge full price for tapes, video games, shirts, so they made some type of money. Too bad all of it went to ridiculous talent contracts. Only in WCW could a lower mid card talent make millions if they negotiated good enough. TNA gives away alot of shit. On their site you can get like 5 DVDs and a T-shirt for $20. WWE would never do no shit like that. I should rack up on some old X-Division DVDs and get Anderson’s Shirt that says A**hole on it.

            • July 7, 2011 at 4:31 pm

              WWE did once sell WM 21-25 for $50. That’s $10 for each WrestleMania…good deal.

              • Capt. Smooth
                July 7, 2011 at 4:50 pm

                I went to one WCW house show.(free tickets) That’s the one where I saw Madusa naked.

                • July 8, 2011 at 4:01 pm

                  Madusa >>> Alundra Blaze. Prime example of titties making all the difference in the world.

                  • Capt. Smooth
                    July 8, 2011 at 4:39 pm

                    Or just being a freak.

                    • July 8, 2011 at 6:23 pm

                      I liked her as Medusa better because the tits made her look cooler to me. Or maybe I was hitting puberty IDK.

  2. Ana_ZackPack
    July 7, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    Rofl. This one was cool. Dixie always looked like a daddies girl who suddenly decided to have a wrestling show, even though she doesn’t understand anything about it, so the interview kinda make sense to me.

  3. Brian
    July 7, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    The Non for Profit shit got me laughing really hard.

  4. July 7, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    Anyone else having problems getting on Rajah? It keeps saying that the site is unsafe and contains Malware.

    • July 7, 2011 at 4:33 pm

      I tried entering Rajah just now and I got the same message you got. It’s not just you.

      • July 7, 2011 at 8:26 pm

        Works fine for me.

        • July 8, 2011 at 4:06 pm

          Damn. I check that site daily and now i can’t. I’m not trying to get a virus. Good thing all these news sites copy and paste the same exact news.

          • July 8, 2011 at 6:31 pm

            I always check LOP and WrestleZone.

            • Capt. Smooth
              July 8, 2011 at 7:22 pm

              411mania as well.

              • July 8, 2011 at 7:27 pm

                Forums aren’t as credible as Rajah though.

                • Capt. Smooth
                  July 9, 2011 at 7:19 am

                  411mania got rid of their forums.

  5. Capt. Smooth
    July 7, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    Shaman, when do you interview The Shockmaster?

  6. July 8, 2011 at 12:25 am

    I love the picture CITY chose of Dixie. She looks so clueless.

  7. Bobby
    July 8, 2011 at 6:49 pm

    Considering that TNA is profitable, the whole “non profit organization” part doesn’t apply. It’s funny how many fans assume that TNA doesn’t make money just because its ratings aren’t through the roof.

    • July 8, 2011 at 7:12 pm

      Or pay talent enough, or provide health care or…

      • Bobby
        July 8, 2011 at 10:14 pm

        What wrestling organization provides health care to its independent contractors?

        • July 8, 2011 at 10:20 pm

          Independent Contractors is the biggest cop out ever when it comes to health care. Those guys sign 2-3 year contracts at a time, they are full time employees not independent contractors. If that was the case than they should be able to jump from company to company on a consistent basis. TNA and WWE locks then into contracts and take ownership over likeness and names so they own those guys. They should take care of their “Intellectual properties” by providing heath care. It should be mandatory.

          • Bobby
            July 8, 2011 at 10:43 pm

            Thanks, but the question was: “What wrestling organization provides health care to its independent contractors?”. Also, I’m not sure you understand what “Intellectual properties” means.

      • July 8, 2011 at 11:44 pm

        TNA doesn’t make any money! Didn’t you even read my interview? Dixie even said so.

        And if they do make money they just take the Knockout’s prostitution fees and call it company profit.

  8. July 8, 2011 at 11:45 pm

    The comment section is being stupid again.

  9. Bobby
    July 9, 2011 at 12:23 am

    Shaman’s Harvest :TNA doesn’t make any money! Didn’t you even read my interview? Dixie even said so.

    So TNA, a profitable company, doesn’t make any money? That’s pretty amazing. I’m so glad to have wise Internet geniuses with low-budget blogs and elementary school-level grammar skills like you to teach me these things!

    • July 9, 2011 at 9:49 am

      Who said they were profitable, Jeff Jarrett? Lmfao. You know we are just having fun with this. A fake interview shouldn’t be taken so serious.

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