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My Exclusive Interview With Booker T by Shaman’s Harvest

My Exclusive Interview With Booker T by Shaman’s Harvest 

Edited by THE INFAMOUS JCITY™

[Editors Note: All spelling and grammar mistakes were done on purpose, so if you’re a grammar nazi, then please take this moment and eat a nice big hearty bowl of SHUT THE FUCK UP. Thanks.]

Hello to anyone who might still be reading these interviews. There was just a little bit of controversy on my last interview over a word I had used. If you don’t know what word that was, then I’ll give you a hint: it starts with “F” and rhymes with Bob Saget. To anyone who was offended by what I wrote last time, I would like to say… I’m sorry, I’m a gooooood Shaman’s Harvest. No one should be offended by this though, ’cause it’s all about the BookMan!

WWE announcers… they’re truely an embarrassment to the English language (and whatever language Booker T happens to speak). Constantly, the worst part of WWE television, especially on Smackdown, has been the God awful, Jesus hating, flag burning, Asian butt loving announce team of Booker T and Michael Cole, who bitch at each other the entire show and it’s about damn time someone got to the bottom of it. Originally, I had interviewed Michael Cole, but he freaking destroyed me. Seriously, I felt like I was going to cry. Never has anyone made me feel like such a low down piece of trash. I’m never speaking to him again. He’s a bitch.

So then I moved on and decided to get Booker T’s side of the feud. I thought this was best to do face to face so I can at least read his lips, that way I can make out what he’s saying since I would have no idea what he is saying over the phone and I don’t believe he knows how to use a computer. I took the first plane to Houston, Texas and found Booker T. His hot wife, Hooker T, made us some horrible tasting coffee and we got right down to the interview.

I recommend that you guys read this using Booker T’s voice. Make sure to read it out loud too. Preferably in a public place.

Shaman:  “Well, let me first say that it’s a pleasure to be here with a wrestling legend like yourself.”

Booker T:  “Aw, thanks man. You know how it is, we got to stick together like gum on the bottom of my shoe, man. I got gum on my shoe walking in that last arena dawg… and man, (laughs) I… I … could just not believe how hard it was to get off. I was like fo shizzle. Wade Barrett was looking at my… No, no, I was with Drew McIntyre at the time  and I was like fo shizzle Wade look at my, wait did I say Drew McIntyre again? I meant Wade Barrett man. I always get those two mixed up. They both British or something. They remind me of Lord Steven Regal back in Dubya C Dubya cause they both go speaking in that thick accent and you know man, they say I’m hard to understand (laughs). These guys talk like they got sandpaper in their throats, I’m telling ya man, especially Wade he must… I mean Drew. There I go again mixing them up (laughs). Drew’s throat must get all bloody from talking like that, like my brother Stevie Ray used to say if you want some, get some, and something else man, it’s been so long dawg I don’t even remember anymore. There I go again (laughs). The wife says if I keep telling these crazy stories she gone to call the po-lease, but I say I’m just being myself sucka. So then OH MY GOODNESS.”

“So then I say to Wade, I got gum all over my shoe and he like saying you got to go buy new shoes dawg and I’m like I got to go see what’s on sale because some of the prices are RIDICULOUS dawg. I mean OH MY GOODNESS you think I’m a sucka? So there I go shopping around and I still got the gum on my shoe, but it’s going and sticking to the floor and embarrassing me and I got no idea where Wade is. He’s here then there, but that’s why he’s on my fav five because he always moving around and kids got a lot of potential, but he ain’t no shoe shopper (laughs). So I go to a Wal-Mart cause the thing is they the cheapest dawg, but not everyone knows that so keep it on the down low sucka, but I find this nice pair of loafers and this nice pair of basketball shoes and I’m like OH MY GOODNESS, I love these both, but I only got enough money for one pair (laughs). Choosing between the two was getting RIDICULOUS.”

“So I was standing there looking like a sucka and a sales clerk named Melissa or Irene I don’t remember which, but she was very nice. She tells me she got accepted to the Biology program at the University and I’m like good for you dawg cause it’s a tough world and you gets nowhere without an education.”

“She don’t know who I was, I guess she not a wrestling.. I mean sports entertainment fan. They want us to call it that now, but it’s weird cause we ain’t playing sports, but most of us played sports in school so I guess it’s all good dawg, so I ask her if I should get the loafers or the basketball shoes and she says since I ruined my loafers I should replace them with a new pair and I’m like OH MY GOODNESS you’re so smart, no wonder why you got into college, but then I go thinking these are real nice basketballs shoes and I could get loafers anytime so I ask her what she thinks and she asks me how much I play basketball and I said, you know what I said, I said OH MY GOODNESS it’s been a long time!”

“So I go asking her if I could try them out because see they have a basketball net on display in Wal-Mart for the kids and I ask her if I could wear them and play basketball for a bit, but she says she could get in trouble so I tell her she won’t, but I don’t know fo sure. So okay, I play and I’m like doing well and three kids say it’s not a one person game and ask if they could play and I’m like you got game suckas? (laughs) They say yeah and they play me and we end like 23-8 or something like that, but I ended up knocking over some stuff around the net so they asked me to leave and I’m like I want to buy the shoes first so I end up buying the loafers right on time. So I head to the plane and sit down and look at my new shoes and you know what I see? I tell you man, I stepped on some gum again and I say OH MY GOODNESS!!! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!! Someone please call the PO-LEASE!!! I was so angry dawg, but I realize they were my old shoes and I forgot to change them (laughs hard and pees a little). Then I realize I didn’t even bring the new shoes with me and I’m like OH MY GOODNESS YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDIN’ ME SUCKA!

Shaman:  “Well, I think I’ve heard enough. Thank you Booker.”

Booker T:  “Anytime dawg. Anytime.”
______
Disclaimer: This is intended solely for entertainment purposes only. The contents of this interview are imaginary and did not really occur. Please don’t beat me up Booker T and please don’t sue me WWE. I have nothing you want anyways.

  1. Ana_ZackPack
    July 16, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    This one is actually funny because Booker really is a mess on commentary.

  2. July 16, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    I don’t know how Sharmell deals with this, what a strong women.

  3. July 16, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    I like Booker-T, he needs to wrestle some more and get outta commentary.

    • July 16, 2011 at 6:26 pm

      He proved he still has it at the Royal Rumble and that one match against Swagger on RAW.

  4. Anonymous
    July 16, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Tell me you didn’t just post that…SUCKAAAAAAAA!!!! Nice!

  5. Capt. Smooth
    July 16, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    Tell me you didn’t just post that…SUCKAAAA!!!!

  6. July 16, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    I’m a gooooooooooooooood Shaman’s Harvest, lmmfao. Now that was hilarious.

  7. July 16, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    The part at the end when he says he has gum on his shoe again, but then realizes its still the same shoes and he forgot to bring the new ones made me legit laugh.

  8. July 16, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    Wow! Positive comments! Thank you people.

  9. Max
    July 16, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    Reading this in a Booker T voice is what really makes it funny to me.

  10. Black Metal Death Metal
    July 16, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    I like this Shaman fellow. He has a corky sense of humour.

  11. July 17, 2011 at 1:30 am

    Melina and John Morrison are next.

    • July 17, 2011 at 1:40 am

      Lmmfao. Can’t wait. There are just sooooo many possibilities with that one.

    • Ana_ZackPack
      July 17, 2011 at 9:29 am

      LOOOL. Add the Batista point of view. Just kidding XD

      • Capt. Smooth
        July 17, 2011 at 10:35 am

        No, that would be great!

  12. July 17, 2011 at 1:52 am

    Does Booker really say “Oh my Goodness” that many times? I always hear him say, “Ohhhh…here we go!”

    Is Shaman’s Harvest in Booker T’s fave five after this?

    • July 17, 2011 at 2:15 am

      He does. I think he says THIS IS RIDICULOUS more often though. If Booker T reads this the only 5 Shaman will get is five fingers right across the face, lol.

  13. July 17, 2011 at 2:29 am

    Booker T lingo:

    – Oh my goodness
    – Oh….here we go
    – Sucka
    – This is rediculous
    – Somebody call the po-lease
    – D-Bry
    – He needs a manager/ they don’t have a managers licence
    – Tell me you didn’t just say that
    – Fav Five
    – It’s all about the young guys
    – Mongo e Mongo
    – Cody Rhodes needs help
    – Sidewalk slam…that’s a sidewalk slam, right?

    The rest is just incoherent rambling.

    • Capt. Smooth
      July 17, 2011 at 10:37 am

      “Mongo e Mongo”…LOL!!! What about the “N” word?

      • July 17, 2011 at 11:39 am

        Nexus?

        • Capt. Smooth
          July 17, 2011 at 11:47 am

          Five letter word. Begins with “n”. Ends with “a”.

          • July 17, 2011 at 2:28 pm

            NASSA? Why would Booker care about the North American Shetland Sheepbreeders Accociation?????

            You’re strange Smooth.

            • Capt. Smooth
              July 17, 2011 at 4:19 pm

              Look who’s talking…lol!

              • July 17, 2011 at 4:56 pm

                I think its Mano a Mano which is Spanish for hand to hand combat.

                • July 17, 2011 at 5:12 pm

                  I thought it meant “man to man”

                  • Capt. Smooth
                    July 17, 2011 at 7:47 pm

                    I thought he was talking about the guy from WCW.

                    • Mr.Redlight
                      July 18, 2011 at 5:33 am

                      wait what the hells a hand?

  14. July 17, 2011 at 2:34 am

    Booker: Nice sidewalk slam by Rhodes

    Cole: WHAT?????? How could you be so stupid!!!!! What match are you watching? “Oh I’m Booker T, i’ve been in this business for God knows how long and I don’t know what a sidewalk slam is.” You are so stupid! How could you say

    Josh: Nice kick by Rho…

    Cole: I’m sure Booker thinks that a sidewalk slam too! How can he say this? How does he have a job?

    Booker: Anyways Cody ain’t setting no good example for Ted in here cause oh here we go this is getting good Cody in trouble.

    Cole: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! He’s dominating!

    And that’s for 2 hours straight.

    • July 17, 2011 at 4:56 pm

      Lol, that’s exactly how it goes to.

      • Mr.Redlight
        July 18, 2011 at 5:38 am

        this is coming from somone who loved heel cole. Its getting pretty fucking old! And shaman i think you should have a sit down with both these “gentlemen” and try to work something out. These are seriously hilarious.

    • July 18, 2011 at 8:27 am

      You weren’t kidding about that! Kane hit a sidewalk slam last night and someone in the crowd yelled, “That’s a sidewalk slam Booker!”

  15. July 25, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    Mr.Redlight :
    wait what the hells a hand?

    Really?

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