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My Exclusive Interview With Melina And John Morrison by Shaman’s Harvest

My Exclusive Interview With Melina And John Morrison by Shaman’s Harvest

Edited by THE INFAMOUS JCITY™

Disclaimer: This is intended solely for entertainment purposes only. The content of this interview is purely imaginary and did not really occur. This interview contains sexual content and coarse language and isn’t intended for all audiences or people who are easily offended. You’ve been warned, so don’t complain later.

Forever yours,
Shaman’s Harvest

It’s no secret that Melina isn’t the most liked Diva in the WWE locker room. Most say that she’s a rude and annoying bitch who spends more time fucking past and present WWE Superstars doggystyle, like Batista, Mike Knox and many others, than she does in the ring. The last I’ve heard from Melina, she was complaining over Trish Stratus stealing her Wrestlemania 27 spot. I don’t know what this bitch thinks she did to get on Mania over a legend like Trish, but she’s obviously delusional. Her constant female dogging of John Morrison has ruined his reputation around the locker room and I will never understand what John sees in her.

John Morrison is one of my favorite WWE Superstars and I hold Melina personally responsible for holding his career back just because she seems to be on a never-ending period. Melina needs to learn that she is nothing in the WWE, she’s easily replaceable and John Morrison needs to learn that staying with a women like her, who can’t keep her legs closed while he’s working, is only going to hold him back. I decided it was time for some relationship counseling between the two, so I called up my good friend Booker T and got Morrison and Melina’s address (after hearing about the toothpaste he got on his new shirt for half an hour, fascinating by the way). So, let’s see what went down in the bedroom of Mr. and Mrs. Perez.

I arrived in Los Angles, California at the Morrison/Melina household (do they have a house? I’m sure they do) to conduct our interview. I called up Melina (thanks for the number, Booker) about a week ago and asked her if I could come over and interview her about winning the Prostitute Of The Year Award (I just made that up, pretty creative, huh?). She must have been happy because she was just moaning the entire time, so I took that as a yes. When I got to the house I noticed a large van in the drive-way, so I knocked on the door, knowing they were home. No one answered, but I heard Melina screaming “Yes!” while moaning in the back so I took that as an invitation to come in. I then approached her bedroom…

Shaman:  “I’m here for the interview.”

Melina:  “Come on in!”

Shaman:  “Tha… OH GOD! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! I didn’t know this was a bad time!”

Melina:  “Why would it be a bad time?”

Shaman:  “You’re having sex with John Morrison!”

Melina:  “No I’m not… I’m having sex with Batista.”

Batista:  “Hey!”

Shaman:  “I think I should leave…”

Melina:  “No, no need. We’re almost done here. Let’s just get along with the interview.”

Shaman:  “I don’t think this is right.”

Melina:  “Why? Were you raped or something?”

Shaman:  “No… well yeah, it’s all in a past interview… but that’s not the point! You’re cheating on John Morrison! I can’t keep a clear conscious and ju…”

Melina:  “OH YEAH, DAVE!”

Shaman:  “…and just let you do this without saying anything.”

Melina:  “What’s there to say? While you’re here, can you look for my gold dildo? I can’t find it anywhere. I bet that stripper Kelly Kelly took it.”

Shaman:  “What the hell lady?”

Melina:  “It’s no big deal. I’m not a one man type of woman. I need variety, John just isn’t enough for me.”

Shaman:  “Melina, isn’t that kind of… horrible?”

Batista:  “You’re gonna have to go Sherman…”

Shaman:  “It’s Shaman.”

Bastita:  “Like I was saying, you’re gonna have to go She-man because this is about to get hardcore.”

I left just as Batista lifted Melina on his shoulders, ate her out, then gave her a Batista bomb on the bed. It looks like this interview was ending early… or so I though.

Just as I was about to leave, John Morrison pulled up into the drive-way.

Shaman:  “Holy (censored) it’s John freaking Morrison! Can I have your autograph? Wait, let me just run to the market and pick up a block of cheese, I just have to grate it on your abs.”

I was star struck to say the least.

John:  “Um, yeah… what are you doing at my house?”

Shaman:  “Melina didn’t tell you… MELINA! John, don’t go in the house right now.”

John:  “Why?”

Shaman:  “Because… you have to walk around the block with me so I can look cooler than I really am!”

John:  “Yeah, I’m going inside…”

Shaman:  “Please don’t, I don’t know if you can handle it.”

John:  “Why? Oh… that’s Dave’s van. Is he with Melina right now.”

Shaman:  “I’m so sorry…”

John:  “No need to be. She’s just not a one man type of women. She enjoys recreational sex, and with me in rehab right now, I can’t do much. No big deal.”

Shaman:  “No big deal? Your girlfriend is cheating on you!”

John:  “She’s just having sex.”

Shaman:  “Aren’t you gonna do something about this?”

John:  “I was just going to wait on the porch until she was done.”

Shaman:  “What the hell is wrong with you? If you won’t say something I will!”

I went back into Melina’s house.

Shaman:  “Melina, can I come in?”

Melina:  “Sure, I’m done with Dave.”

Shaman:  “Okay, now there’s someth… Mr. Anderson!”

Anderson:  “… Anderson!”

Shaman:  “Melina!”

Melina:  “What? WWE doesn’t use me anymore, so I was considering a move to TNA, so I decided to scout the talent there and see if TNA is right for me.”

Shaman:  “By having sex with Mr. Anderson?”

Anderson:  “… Anderson.”

Melina:  “What can I say? He likes my asshole. How else would you scout the talent?”

Shaman:  “Your boyfriend, John Morrison, is sitting on the porch right now waiting for you to finish cheating on him with his co-workers. Don’t you have any morals?”

Melina:  “You’re overreacting. It’s just meaningless sex. I’m done with Ken anyways. Next!”

Shaman:  “What do you mean ne… Orlando Jordan!!!!!!!!”

Orlando:  “I’m bi honey, not gay. Ready for some OJ, Melina? I’m 10% calcium, 40% artificial flavour, and 50% man.”

Shaman:  “Who else is here?”

Melina:  “Jeez you’re starting to get annoying. Just come out everyone.”

Shaman:  “Abyss and Ric Flair?!?!?!”

Melina:  “There’s one more person from TNA.”

Velvet Sky:  “Hi there.”

Shaman:  “What?!?… um… I don’t know what to say… I have to go now.”

I left, but quickly came back with my camcorder.

Shaman:  “I hope you don’t mind if I video tape you and Velvet Sky and send it to THE INFAMOUS JCITY™.

Melina:  “Oh yeah, he’s here too.”

JCITY™:  “What’s good my pencil neck having, tiny dick licking, cum guzzling, testicle tickling, child molesting Canadian bastard?!?”

Shaman:  “JCITY! This is all happening way too fast. Am I the only person in the world who hasn’t slept with Melina?”

Melina:  “You and John Morrison.”

I turned around and walked out of the house, absolutely speechless. I knew Melina wasn’t the most faithful person in the world, but I couldn’t imagine this. How did John Morrison put up with this? WHY did he put up with THIS? It just wasn’t right, so I had to find John and set him straight.

Shaman:  “John, your “girlfriend” is in the bedroom with half of professional wrestling and my Editor. How can you let this happen?

John:  “I already told you, it’s meaningless sex. She needs love too.”

Shaman:  “How can she love you when she’s cheating on you? It isn’t supposed to be this way. How can you compete every week knowing she’s doing this to you? Come on, be a man! No wonder why no one respects you!”

John:  “Please, just go.”

Shaman:   “I’m not leaving until you be a man. Look at you, you’re the Shaman of Sexy! I’m rubbing your abs as we speak. What does Melina have on you? Why do you put up with this?”

John:  “YOU WANT TO FUCKING KNOW WHY I PUT UP WITH THIS? I’LL FUCKING SHOW YOU!!!!”

Shaman:  “Whoa, calm down.”

John:  “I’LL FUCKING SHOW YOU!”

He stood up, took off his fur coat, in slow motion of course and removed his belt. He dropped his pants and stood in front of me.

Shaman:  “Oh my god… umm…”

John:  “Yeah…”

Shaman:  “I’m so sorry.”

John:  “Uh huh.”

Shaman:  “I’m gonna go now…”

John:  “You shouldn’t have been here in the first place.”

Shaman:  “Can I ask what happened?”

John:  “A mixture of birth defects and always wearing tight pants. You should probably go now.”

Shaman:  “Ok. Melina will probably be done in an hour.”

John:   “Oh no, no, no, she’ll never be done.”

Shaman:  “God bless you for going on in life like this.”

John:  “Can you do me a favor and not tell anyone about this?”

Shaman: “Sure man. I promise.” (wink)
_______

It turns out that the Morrison-Melina relationship is even more complex than I thought it was. Their problems are beyond my journalistic skills (or lack there of). I feel even worse for John than I did before this interview began and surprisingly a little bad for Melina. At least one thing’s for sure, after this interview, no one will ever question John Morrison’s manhood again… because you just can’t question something that isn’t even there to begin with.

  1. Capt. Smooth
    July 25, 2011 at 6:00 am

    “HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” at the (grating cheese on Morrison’s abs) part!

    • July 25, 2011 at 1:06 pm

      Mick Foley said that once when he was doing commentary on Smackdown.

      • Capt. Smooth
        July 25, 2011 at 5:55 pm

        I knew it sounded familiar.

  2. Rob
    July 25, 2011 at 7:12 am

    Morrison has no genitals lol. That explains alot. So all the parkour is his way of over compensating for his lack of cock and balls. This is the best one yet. Even JCITY got in on the action. I like the Anderson.. Anderson part to.

  3. Ana_ZackPack
    July 25, 2011 at 8:36 am

    Rofl.

  4. The Unusual Suspect
    July 25, 2011 at 9:23 am

    Yeah I don’t usually enjoy these, but this one was definitely the best. The best part was the Anderson… Anderson bit in the middle. Bravo.

  5. Concerned Reader
    July 25, 2011 at 10:41 am

    This was not funny at all. Jcity man just drop the guest writers and take control of your own damn site. You’re beginning to be like the no talent hack over at TJR who only writes like once now twice a week and depends too much on other writers to carry the load for him. You guys should be the only ones writing. If the guests want to write then they can start their own damn blogs. If you guys can’t handle the pressure of running a blog then don’t use your names for the websites. I’m sick of it already.

    • July 25, 2011 at 1:05 pm

      Let me guess, JCITY wouldn’t let you write here.

    • July 26, 2011 at 11:00 am

      First of all, it’s JCITY, all caps. Second, I write more than once a week and if I did, so fucking what? I don’t depend on anyone to do anything. People write because they want to entertain the masses not because I need filler. I never ask for columns, I let people work at their own pace to entertain you. Now if you don’t like it then no one is forcing you to read it. I like having others contribute, but if you think for a second that it means I’m losing control of the site then you are sadly mistaken. Hate it or love it, I will keep posting as I see fit and I will keep featuring other writers as long as they want to be featured.

      • Anonymous
        September 12, 2011 at 3:00 am

        Your story is rubbish and you come off as a jealous asshole! Just another `little` man trying to get his 15 minutes of `fame`. John Morrison works hard at earning his living and the way you disrespect Melina is a disgrace. Do you kiss your mother with that trash mouth? Don`t bother responding mate I won`t be back to read this garbage. Love Lize:/

  6. July 25, 2011 at 10:49 am

    These are awesome. Keeps getting better every time.

    • July 26, 2011 at 11:01 am

      This one was too damn funny. I hope Melina and Morrison end up reading it.

  7. Max
    July 25, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    The site is fine just the way it is. Dont listen to that so called concern reader. I bet he is just a troll and yes this was funny as hell. Never saw that ending coming.

    • July 25, 2011 at 12:53 pm

      he has to be a troll. JCITY writes more than just twice a week.

      • July 25, 2011 at 1:07 pm

        $10 says it’s Stephen.

      • Max
        July 25, 2011 at 1:14 pm

        I really dont see what the problem is with the extra content from other people and JCITY does write alot. I wouldnt be able to review a ppv and every other show in a week let alone post other peoples stuff. I guess every site has that one hater.

        • July 26, 2011 at 11:02 am

          If I listened to trolls I would have quit doing this a long time ago. Obviously he likes the site, why else is he on it?

  8. July 25, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    Is that Melina in the background? How fitting.

  9. Concerned Reader
    July 25, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    This site needs readers not idiotic guest writers like Shaman’s Harvest who is just a stupid piece of shit racist. The only part I liked in this whole stupid interview was when Jcity insulted him because Shaman really sucks. I can tolerate Kegger but if he says Chicago one more damn time then I’m done with his stuff and Jcity only writes like once or twice a week I dont count the music or caption blogs. If he wants to be the best then he needs to write every single day and not depend on idiots like Shaman to provide shitty content. Oh and Max shut the fuck up I am not a troll im just speaking the truth. This is theinfamousjcity.com not theinfamousjcityandfriends.com and Jcity needs to find one pic for the background and stick with it. Changing it all the time is starting to get on my nerves.

    • July 25, 2011 at 2:03 pm

      Chicago.

      • July 25, 2011 at 2:05 pm

        Sorry…I wasn’t finished Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago. That’s better.

        • July 25, 2011 at 2:10 pm

          Hey Tony, where are you from again? I can never remeber.

          • July 25, 2011 at 2:13 pm

            I guess I do say it a lot. I got Chi-Town pride. Don’t worry…WWE doesn’t come back until December and I’m probably not even going to that show so I don’t plan on saying the “C-word” again anytime soon.

        • The Unusual Suspect
          July 25, 2011 at 7:05 pm

          I can just imagine you doing this sitting at the top of a ramp as RAW is about to go off the air, just like a fellow Chicago
          native.

    • July 25, 2011 at 2:08 pm

      This is theinfamousjcity.com, not theconcernedreader.com

      The entire site is not going to be built around your needs alone. JCITY writes alot and does this as a hobby, writing everyday’s a lot of work, and if you haven’t noticed he probably has other things to do then write about wrestling everyday. If you love his stuff and his stuff alone, pay him to write everyday for you.

      Now let’s talk about all the people Melina’s slept with and John Morrison’s baby penis.

      Thanks.

      • July 25, 2011 at 2:11 pm

        Writing can be hard especially those “What Ifs” I did because it involved a good amount a research. I am always looking for new column ideas that are easy and fun to write. It looks like you have did just that.

    • July 26, 2011 at 11:10 am

      You’re right, this site does need more readers, but I’m happy with what I got. A fan a day is good enough for me and guest writers can help me reach that one fan a day so why the fuck wouldn’t I let them do what they do? Shaman is not a racist, he’s a stupid ass that had a lapse in judgement one day. It happens to the best of them. Last week I wrote over 5 times, but seriously who fucking cares? Didn’t I say on my John Cena post that I was only gonna write once a week? I surpassed that, so why are you complaining? And I’ll use however many pics I want. If I want to post my ass as the background with a sign that says kiss this if you’re concerned then I will. I can do whatever the fuck I want its my fucking shit FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Alan
    July 25, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    kinky dude, ahaha

  11. July 25, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    Anyone going to try the eating out/Batista bomb combo now? JCITY?

  12. Capt. Smooth
    July 25, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Tony Kegger :
    Sorry…I wasn’t finished Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago. That’s better.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  13. July 25, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    Ok, so I found out I have a mother and her baby raccoon’s living in my attic and walls.

    Does Shawn Michaels make house calls?

    • Capt. Smooth
      July 25, 2011 at 7:55 pm

      If he’s a good friend of Flair’s, it might cost too much.

    • Alan
      July 25, 2011 at 8:00 pm

      Woah Shaman dude. I read that after I did some Kush & I thought it said your mother was a raccoon, ahahaha. I’m so high.

  14. Omega
    July 25, 2011 at 8:14 pm

    I have to admit I loved the shit out of this. And I didn’t want to. I came in skeptical as hell because of the what-it factors and the whole thing being make believe. And I must admit I loved it!! Great job Shaman…. Shaaamaaaan!!!

    • July 25, 2011 at 8:19 pm

      You know, you were always my favourite commentor.

      • Alpha
        July 25, 2011 at 8:20 pm

        What about me?

        • July 25, 2011 at 8:39 pm

          I like all the memeber of the Greek Alphabet the same, from Alpha down to Omega.

  15. Capt. Smooth
    July 25, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    Shaman, this is probably your best one.

    • July 25, 2011 at 8:40 pm

      Even bettert than the Luke Robinson one? That one was so popular.

      • Capt. Smooth
        July 26, 2011 at 5:45 am

        Now that you mention it…

        • July 26, 2011 at 11:14 am

          That one was funny too… I kinda want to read Booker T and the toothpaste on his shirt, but that’s just me I guess.

          • July 26, 2011 at 11:24 am

            Maybe I’ll write that one too. Booker’s so easy to be funny with.

            I can promise you that you haven’t seen the last of Booker T in my interviews.

  16. John Morrison
    July 31, 2011 at 1:10 am

    You said you wouldn’t tell anyone! Go to hell!

  17. July 31, 2011 at 1:13 am

    Anyone noticed Melina looking for her gold dildo was continuity to JCITY’s column where the African kids robbed it and sold it?

    Continuity people!

  1. August 25, 2011 at 4:53 pm

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