Criminal Minded: Wrestling With The Law

Criminal Minded: Wrestling With The Law

by THE INFAMOUS JCITY™

We are all human and we all make mistakes. While most of us live a “normal” lifestyle, some of us tend to get out of line every once in a while and some sort of discipline must be administered.  As the saying goes, “If you do the crime, you must do the time” and the fine folks in the world of professional wrestling are not exempt to this rule. After the jump, I have compiled a few mugshots of some of wrestling’s top Superstars with a brief description of what landed them in the slammer. 

This is Booker T. In 1987 Booker T worked at Heath Slater’s, I mean Wendy’s, flipping burgers. I guess the pay was too low or he had a douche for a boss, but Booker T thought the best course of action was several armed robberies of a few Wendy’s fast food restaurants. Booker T served 19 months in prison. I think this would have been a better story if King Booker robbed a bunch of Burger Kings though. Irony is funny as fuck, now can you dig that, sucka?

This is Billy Gunn, former member of the Smoking Guns, Degeneration X, and The New Age Outlaws. Details are scarce, but Mr. Ass was arrested for disorderly conduct in 1990. I wonder if he developed the Cute Kip gimmick in jail by accidentally dropping the soap.

This is Paul Wight, but you might know him as Big Show. Sometime in December 1998, Big Show thought it was a great idea to show a hotel clerk his penis. Somebody should have told the drunken giant that exposing yourself is grounds for a lewd conduct charge. The hotel clerk wasn’t that impressed either.

This is Scott Hall. In 2010 it seemed that Scott Hall was on the verge of a comeback in TNA. He promised his fans that he was going to workout and get in shape for his TNA run. He even managed to win the company’s Tag Team Championship. Then he does what he always does, he got drunk. No scratch that, he didn’t get drunk, he got fucking wasted beyond belief and arrested for disorderly intoxication. TNA decided to cut their loses and Scott Hall was once again unemployed. Some people will never learn.

This is Lex Luger. The man who helped fire the first shot in the Monday Night Wars. Lex Luger was a major player in the 1990’s winning the Royal Rumble in the WWF and later won the World Heavyweight Championship from “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan in WCW. On January 31, 2005, Lex was arrested for driving while intoxicated. Actually, the arresting officer found Luger slumped over his steering wheel. He had an open alcoholic container in his car. Two years before this, Luger was arrested when he called 911 for the death of Miss Elizabeth. When the cops searched the scene they found a substantial amount of illegal steroids. Luger has since been cleared of any wrong doing in Miss Elizabeth’s death. RIP Miss Elizabeth.

This is “The Fallen Angel” Christopher Daniels. He got arrested for drinking away the pain of being misused in TNA and operating a motor vehicle at the same time.

This is Chris Jericho. The greatest in the world at what he does wasn’t so great at running from the police. He was arrested for public intoxication after a wild ride with Hurricane Helms and Matt Hardy.

This is Ted DiBiase Jr. In 2008 he was arrested for driving under the influence. Hmmmm, I’m starting to see a pattern here, but I could be wrong. Anyways, maybe Ted should call his father and see if he can borrow a chauffeur. Millionaires shouldn’t be driving themselves for Christ sakes.

This is Monday Night Raw’s resident funny man and invisible cock blower, Santino Marella. Just like a few of the guys pictured above, he too was arrested for driving under the influence. This is starting to look like a scary statistic which wrestling promoters should try to discourage. Drunk driving can lead to unfortunate accidents which should be avoided at any and all cost.

This is the Sandman. At a function for Captain Lou Albano, Sandman got a little too intoxicated. He began heckling the wait staff, even going as far as throwing wine glasses and bottles at them. When the cops were called to the scene, Sandman focused his attack on them. Two officers had to go to the hospital and get stitches. The Sandman was charged with a 2nd degree felony assault and resisting arrest. As William Regal would say, now that’s G-G-G-Gangsta!

This is Ric Flair. In a random case of road rage “The Nature Boy” decided it was a good idea to beat the crap out of a fellow motorist. Flair also took out his frustration on the poor guys Toyota. When the cops tried to arrest Flair he said that maybe he should beat their asses too. Ric Flair was arrested and charged with assault and battery. Property damage charges were also added to his rap sheet.

This is “Hurricane” Shane Helms. What had happened was, he decided to get drunk as fuck and started acting a damn fool as a result. He and Chris Jericho were both arrested because of his public intoxication. It was also reported that Helms hit a woman before the police had arrived. Needless to say, his employer didn’t find his mugshot all over TMZ too amusing. Helms was shortly released after this incident. What’s sup with that?
This is Jeff Hardy. The biggest fucking idiot in existence. In 2009, Hardy had the wrestling world in the palm of his hands. He finally made it to the top of his profession and the WWE even put both of their World Championships on him in an attempt to keep him happy. So what does he do? Jeff Hardy decided he didn’t want the pressure of being at the top, so he left. What makes him so fucking stupid is that a few weeks after his WWE departure, he ended up getting busted for trying to traffic drugs. OK, so the drugs were sent to his house by mail, but I didn’t want to make him sound stupider than I already have. To all aspiring drug dealers out there, do not buy your narcotics through the United States Postal Service. The FBI is watching your dumb asses.

This is Wade Barrett. He is wild and young. Before respectively leading The Corre and Nexus stables, Barret was beating up police for fun. Wade was charged with battery on a police officer. I wonder if he was listening to NWA’s “Fuck The Police” before this incident took place.

This is Alex Riley. When he isn’t on RAW kicking The Miz’s ass, he is getting his drink on and operation motor vehicles while intoxicated. The police pulled him over because they suspected him of driving under the influence. When they tried to administer a field sobriety test, Riley refused to cooperate. Riley also refused to have his blood alcohol level tested. Instead of letting him go with a warning, they locked his ass up until he sobered up and The Miz came down to the police station and posted his $500 bail. Alex Riley sure is one ungrateful son of a bitch.
_______
So there you have it. The Superstars some of us idolize are nothing but mere mortals that tend to fuck up from time to time, just like the rest of us. Sometimes I see people online who rip on wrestlers for getting arrested, but this can happen to anyone at any giving time, so stop judging others for their mistakes before you too end up getting locked the fuck up and falling victim to hypocrisy.
And remember folks, if you’re going to break the law, TRY NOT TO GET FUCKING CAUGHT!!!
*Fades2Black*
  1. July 28, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    I love that Wade Barrett photo. I showed it to Capt. Smooth not too long ago and he had to change his pants afterwards.

    • Capt. Smooth
      July 28, 2011 at 5:27 pm

      I still say he looks like an villager from Shrek.

      • July 28, 2011 at 6:20 pm

        I wanna know why he assaulted the police officer to begin with.

        • Capt. Smooth
          July 28, 2011 at 7:37 pm

          The “winds of change” had to start somewhere.

  2. July 28, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    I also liked Alex Riley’s photo. He must have really thought his WWE career was over. Then only a few months later, he is beating The Miz’s ass on PPV. I read that if he wasn’t The Miz’s sidekick at the time, he would have been in TNA right now.

    • July 28, 2011 at 6:21 pm

      I thought he was going to get released for sure. He had just started being the Miz’s sidekick too so he was pretty expendable at the moment.

  3. Ana_ZackPack
    July 28, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    What I love about mugshots is that some people actually look happy to be arrested xD

    • July 28, 2011 at 12:51 pm

      Especially Booker.

      • Capt. Smooth
        July 28, 2011 at 5:27 pm

        Booker’s is great!

        • July 28, 2011 at 6:22 pm

          Ha, he’s cheesing. Anyone that calls Hulk Hogan a nigga is good in my book. Jericho looks high and like he’s going to bust out laughing, but is trying to hold it in.

  4. July 28, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    You’ll never see Punk here. Maybe that’s why Vince likes him.

    • July 28, 2011 at 6:25 pm

      The worse thing Punk can do is call you a vagina and a homo. Unless he has one too many Pepsi’s and the caffeine rush makes him kill someone. Hey, it can happen. Who would have though Chris Benoit was going to kill himself and his family? Exactly.

  5. Max
    July 28, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    Some of these are too funny. I would pay to see Ric Flair and Sandman act all crazy. And isn’t R truth a convicted felon?

    • July 28, 2011 at 6:28 pm

      I read somewhere that he used to deal crack to fund his music career that never took off and got locked for 13 months. I can’t confirm this though.

      • July 28, 2011 at 7:52 pm

        R. Truth isn’t aloud in Canada, so he must have done something wrong.

        That’s why he would never have beat Cena for the title.

        • July 29, 2011 at 10:26 am

          Up until just a month ago, I thought R-Truth wasn’t allowed in Chicago. If I remember correctly, the WWE said that R-Truth did some time in prison before finding Jesus but that may have been just a storyline in order to hype him up for his WWE debut.

          • July 29, 2011 at 1:42 pm

            I remember that. His video packages before he came back to the WWE were about him coming out of jail and getting his life together.

  6. July 28, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    I still can’t imagine Booker T getting arrested, the Booker I see on commentary every week wouldn’t squash a bug, let alone rob Heath Slater’s family restraunt.

    The Wade Barrett mug shot is the most suprising. He really cleaned himself up now.

    • Chadam
      July 28, 2011 at 5:12 pm

      wow, Booker T was actually a hardcore MF’er back in the day. If you read about his life before wrestling, its crazy how far he has come.

    • July 28, 2011 at 6:30 pm

      Booker T lived that street life. The way he snatched up Skidmarks on Tough Enough was intense. It was bout to on like neckbone sucka.

      • Chadam
        July 28, 2011 at 7:12 pm

        yeah i really thought booker was about to bob holly that kid.

  7. Capt. Smooth
    July 28, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    What about MVP?

    • July 28, 2011 at 6:32 pm

      I guess I could have added him, but his stuff was juvie shit. I like how this list only has one black guy though and the rest of the criminals are whiter than ivory, lol.

  8. Alan
    July 28, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    Some of those dudes look buzzed, ahaha.

  9. July 28, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ :
    I wanna know why he assaulted the police officer to begin with.

    Wade Barrett will beat the crap out of you then have tea and crumpets over your dead body.

    • July 29, 2011 at 1:48 pm

      I seriously doubt that. 2nd Amendment.That’s all I’m going to say about that.

  10. The Unusual Suspect
    July 28, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    Is it me or does Ted DiBiase look like he was half way through dressing up like a drag queen when that photo was taken? Weird shit right there. Also Hall looks like a real life Krusty The Clown in his mugshot.

  11. Mike Brazil
    July 29, 2011 at 12:27 am

    Drinking, wrestling, and driving don’t mix.

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