Home > Guest Blog, Infamous Interview, Shaman's Harvest, WWE > My Exclusive Interview With Michael Cole by Shaman’s Harvest

My Exclusive Interview With Michael Cole by Shaman’s Harvest

My Exclusive Interview With Michael Cole by Shaman’s Harvest

Edited by THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ 

Disclaimer: This is intended solely for entertainment purposes only. The content of this interview is purely imaginary and did not really occur, but I wish it did.

Recently, I conducted an interview with WWE legend and current Smackdown commentator, Booker T. The purpose of that interview was to try and work out the problems between Michael Cole and Booker, so we could finally watch Smackdown in peace (I know, I’m such a goooooood Shaman’s Harvest). Unfortunately, it didn’t quite go down that way as Booker got a little (just a little) sidetracked and before he could even discuss the problems between him and Cole, I ended the interview early. I know, completely my fault. So, I decided that the issue wasn’t over just yet and decided that I wanted to work out the problems between Michael Cole and Booker T, once and for all.

In order to help out these two gentlemen, I needed to find out the reason that they are always bickering. I’ve decided to sit down with Michael Cole this time around and find out the cause of the hostility between him and Booker T. I needed to tell Cole that him and Booker are ruining Smackdown. Josh freaking Mathews has the balls of a mutilated fire ant, so he won’t ever say shit and I doubt Cole has ever re-watched Smackdown to find out how annoying they really are. So, I contacted Michael Cole (I’m the Raw GM so I know his email) and arranged a sit down interview between us two. Here’s how it went down.

Shaman: “Thank you for joining me for this interview, Michael.”

Cole: “Oh yeah, I’m sure this is really authentic. (giggles) I don’t know why I even agreed to an interview with one of you Internet dweebs. Come on, you know you want to ask me about your hero, Daniel Bryan! Then you can stay up all night tweeting about it to all three of your closest friends.”

Shaman: “This isn’t about Daniel Bryan, Michael. This is actually about you and Booker T…”

Cole: “Oh my God, don’t even get me started on that guy (giggles).”

Shaman: “I am going to get you started on ‘that guy’ because if you haven’t noticed, you and Booker T bicker throughout the entire Smackdown broadcast on commentary and frankly, it takes away from the show.”

Cole: “Oh my, I’m sorry I distract you from your hero Daniel Bryan. Let me tell you something, Smackdown is about me, Michael Cole!”

Shaman: “Michael, Smackdown is about wrestling and…”

Cole: “Sports Entertainment.”

Shaman: “Yes, Sports Entertainment and you and Booker distract us from that. What I want to do in this interview is find out what’s going on between you two.”

Cole: “You want to hear about Booker? I’ll tell you about Booker, he is the…”

Shaman: “Wait. I was going to have to do this sooner or later. I should just get on with it.”

Cole: “What do you mean… Oh my, no!”

Booker: “Hey Cole, hey Shaman.”

Cole: “What? What is this guy doing here? The title of this post is your exclusive interview with me, Michael Cole, not me and Booker T!”

Booker: “Booker T and I, Cole.”

Cole: “Oh my God….”

Shaman: “Michael, if I put Booker’s name in the title I was afraid that you wouldn’t be up for our interview, but since you are both here I think it’s time for some counselling between you two.”

Cole: “Ohh (giggles). What do you know about counselling?”

Shaman: “I worked wonders for John Morrison and Melina.”

Cole: “And about all of 4 people read that interview. You are ridiculous.”

Booker: “Lemme stop you right there Cole, if you want to hear about ridiculous I’ll tell you about ridiculous. What’s ridiculous is how you’re treating our interviewer right here when he’s just trying to get to the bottom of this.”

Cole: “Please, where’s the door?”

Booker: “Shut up Cole. Thanks for having us, Shaman.”

Shaman: “No problem, Booker.”

Booker: “Oh my goodness, lemme just tell you this before we get started ’cause you won’t believe this, lemme give this to ya straight dawg. On the way here it was ridiculous ’cause road conditions were so… I was driving by the way just in case you don’t know cause there are different modes of transportation these days so it’s important to say what mode you taking in my opinion, so I was driving…”

Cole: “Please! Enough of this, Booker! No one cares about how you got here today. I’m sitting here in some wannabe journalist’s basement listening to you babble all day. You know who’s a real journalist? Me, and I’ll tell you…”

Booker: “Lemme stop you right there, Cole.”

Cole: “Oh! What now?”

Booker: “So I was driving…”

Cole: “What!!!!! Oh my…why are you going back to that?”

Booker: “I started the story so I gots to finish it. I’d be rude if I didn’t and I hate rude people. I remember I went to the bank last month and the teller there was one of the rudest people I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m telling ya dawg this guy must have took me for a complete sucka cause he’s goin’ and comin’ and I’m like this is ridiculous dawg I got’s to be on my way and…”

Cole: “What? (giggles) What are you talking about Booker!?! This is a completely different story than the one you were telling before.”

Booker: “No it ain’t.”

Cole: “It’s completely different!”

Booker: “How so?”

Cole: “One was about driving and the other was about a bank!”

Booker: “They interconnect.”

Cole: “What?!!!! (giggles) Do you see what I have to go through? I swear Booker must have got his head kicked in one too many times back in the day because he has not said one thing that makes sense all day.”

Booker: “Do you ever shut up, Cole?”

Cole: “What??!?!?!? Do I ever shut up? Oh, you’re going to make me vomit Booker, do you listen to yourself?”

Booker: “Don’t vomit around me dawg cause I just got new shoes. See, I was walking out of an arena with Drew McIntyre a while ago and, wait it was Wade Barrett, so I was walking with Wade and I got gum on my shoes and I said to Wade, I gotta get new shoes dawg cause this is ridiculous. Walking with gum on my shoes, someone’s gonna have to call the po-lease…”

Cole: “You told that one too!”

Booker: “Whatcha talkin’ about, Cole?”

Cole: “The last time you were on here you said the exact same story you were just telling!”

Booker: “I ain’t been on here before dawg.”

Cole: “Oh my God….(shakes head and giggles)”

Booker: “Wait wait, I MAY have been on here before. See, I’m an important man so I gets lots of interview requests and dawg I just can’t remember them all.”

Cole: “What? What interviews have you had? Who would want to talk to you? No one cares about your fav five that changes every 30 seconds.”

Booker: “Cole, you make no sense either. Remember that time you said ‘my heart breaks me’ on Smackdown?”

Cole: “Oh my God, I said my heart breaks for him.”

Booker: “I prefer ‘Oh my goodness’, it’s more appropriate since not everyone believes in Gawd, but I personally do and let me tell you why…”

Cole: “Don’t…please don’t. I don’t know how I work with you every week. You have no idea what you’re talking about, you ramble about God knows what and you have no idea what any of the moves are called even though you’ve been in this business for decades, decades, Booker! What’s wrong with you? You sit there on commentary having no idea what you’re doing. I can’t work with you! If Cody Rhodes hits an Alabama Slam you call it a Sidewalk Slam.”

Booker: “It is a Sidewalk Slam, Cole.”

Cole: “WHAT???? How could you be so stupid!!! What matches are you watching? “Oh I’m Booker T, I’ve been in this business for God knows how long and I don’t know what a Sidewalk Slam is.” You are so stupid! I don’t know how your mother could give birth to someone like you.”

Booker: “Tell me… you didn’t just say that! No one talks about my momma like that.”

Cole: “Shaman, I have to go now….wait, where did Shaman go?”

Booker: “He left a while ago.”

Cole: “And you didn’t say anything?”

Booker: “I didn’t want to bother y’all.”

Cole, fed up with this interview, went towards the door.

Cole: “The door’s locked. Booker, break it down.”

Booker: “Why should I listen to you? You ain’t my momma.”

Cole: “I don’t care about your stupid momma. I SAID open the door.”

Booker: “Momma said knock you out!”

Booker charged towards Cole, throwing over my table in the process. Cole jumped out of his chair and ran towards the bathroom while Booker picked up the stuff he knocked over out of respect for someone elses property. Booker then started pounding on the bathroom door as Cole had locked himself in the bathroom and was now hiding inside the shower stall, peeing himself.

Booker: “Ohhhhh….here we go, Cole. I didn’t want it to come to this, but you pushed me over the edge, dawg. Like I always say, if we can’t get along, let’s get it on.”

Cole: “You’re a lunatic, Booker! How unprofessional can you be? You can’t touch me. You can’t touch me. Please, let’s just talk this out like adults.”

Booker: “Ok, ok. I lost my cool for a second, but I’m good. Come on out.”

Cole exited the bathroom.

Cole: “Thank you, now we could just…..AAAWWWWOOOHHH”

Booker hit Cole with a big right hand and sent him crashing to the ground, smashing his head against the wall in the process. Booker then picked up Cole and dragged him away from the bathroom, then he Irishwhiped him onto the couch, turning it over as a result.

Cole: “Oh….ouch…stop it Booker, please! I’m sorry!”

Booker: “You went too far dawg. It’s ridiculous that the Smackdown fans have to put up with you. Oh my goodness, you are so gonna get what ya have comin’.”

Booker picked up Michael Cole and hit the Axe Kick.

Booker: “Let me AXE ya this Cole, how’s your head doin’ after that Axe Kick? Hahaha. I got one more thing for good measures, Cole.”

Booker picked up the bloody and beaten carcass of Michael Cole, grabbed his legs and positioned his head under his crotch (pause), he then hoisted Cole up over his head and threw him down brutally through my table as Cole cracked his head open and broke his neck in a fashion that would make a hardcore guy back in Alabama smile.

Booker: “Now there’s your Sidewalk Slam, dawg. Can you dig that… sucka?”
________

I don’t know what else to say about these two guys. I think their actions speak for themselves. Booker T and Michael Cole working together in harmony may just be a lost cause. They’re too different. They’ll never learn how to get along. What did I learn from this? Three things. 1) Never conduct an interview in your own house. 2) I MAY not be as good of a Counselor as I thought and 3) If you talk about a man’s momma, you’re gonna get got.

Next week: My Exclusive Interview With R-Truth 

Now if you weren’t down with this then I got one creative illustration for ya:

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………./’/…/…/……./¨¯\
……..(‘(…´…´…. ¯~/’…’)
………\……………..’…../
……….”…\………. _.•´
…………\…………..(
…………..\………….\…

  1. July 31, 2011 at 9:29 am

    Michael Cole… YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!!!!!!!

  2. Capt. Smooth
    July 31, 2011 at 9:48 am

    That pic of Cole makes him look like he’s in a musical.

    • July 31, 2011 at 11:27 am

      I hate musicals, so no. Lol. I thought it fit the “End of Days” theme going on with the background.

  3. July 31, 2011 at 10:22 am

    Kudos to whoever made that photo. The interview was great as always. Shaman has a very creative imagination and it is like he was born to do these interviews. Perfect fit for him. His commentary of Booker and Cole seemed very accurate as if this interview really did happen. I’m calling it right now…I think the R-Truth one is gonna be really awesome. I wonder if R-Truth’s “friends” will be making an appearance.

    • Capt. Smooth
      July 31, 2011 at 10:30 am

      If the R-Truth one is him going “Little Jimmy!” the whole time, I’ll lose it!

    • July 31, 2011 at 10:56 am

      I’m already done the R. Truth one. I’ll tell you this, it’s a lot different from the other ones I’ve done.

      And writing for Booker and Cole is easy, Booker just says crap that makes no sense while Cole screams at him.

      • Capt. Smooth
        July 31, 2011 at 10:59 am

        Can’t wait to try read it.

    • July 31, 2011 at 11:28 am

      I think it’s going to be a disaster. We’ll see.

      • July 31, 2011 at 1:38 pm

        lol thanks for the support.

        • Capt. Smooth
          July 31, 2011 at 2:00 pm

          J likes to bury his writers!

          • July 31, 2011 at 3:39 pm

            If my intentions were to bury the writers then I would never edit anything except for my own shit.

            • Capt. Smooth
              July 31, 2011 at 5:19 pm

              Don’t lie! You’re trying to bury them and you’re the real RAW G.M.!

  4. Capt. Smooth
    July 31, 2011 at 10:41 am

    BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!: On 411mania.com, they’re looking for people to write for them! This might be your chance. You could even mention this site or any other sites that belong to readers.

    • July 31, 2011 at 11:35 am

      They mainly want Live reviewers and I can’t commit to that. Might send in an opinion piece for shits and giggles though and see what happens.

    • July 31, 2011 at 11:52 am

      I read that. It looks interesting but I would not be able to have a weekly commitment. Shaman should apply. They encouraged creative columns and his interviews would be great over there I think. I like how they want “gimmick columns”. That is more my style and I have a hard time writing those TJR style columns. I don’t know how those freaks pull it off every week.

      • July 31, 2011 at 12:01 pm

        If I only wrote something once a week I think I would be a way better writer since I would have more time to articulate my thoughts. I don’t think they are ready for my shit though as I sometimes tend to go waaaaaay left field with the shit I be saying. I prefer not having a superior, a boss, an editor, as I’m free to be as uncut as I want to be without someone telling me that I might need to revise my columns because it offended someone.

        • Capt. Smooth
          July 31, 2011 at 2:02 pm

          Well, I thought if anybody was interested. Plus, if anybody had mentioned this site, one of the guys from 411 might take a look at it, like it, and plug it in their column. You never know.

          • July 31, 2011 at 3:40 pm

            I plugged in the comments, but it’s waiting moderation.

            • Capt. Smooth
              July 31, 2011 at 5:20 pm

              Yeah, it can take a bit. I’ll look for it.

              • July 31, 2011 at 6:41 pm

                Watch them not post it. Haters…

                • July 31, 2011 at 7:04 pm

                  They’ll post it…or else.

                  • July 31, 2011 at 7:34 pm

                    I don’t think they will. Doesn’t matter though, they will realize their mistake soon enough. I will just use it as motivation, no biggie.

                    • July 31, 2011 at 7:38 pm

                      Hey by the way, I watch a YouTube video and the guy in the video said he met the twin brother of that black WWE referee and the twin brother said that the Usos are winning the WWE Tag Team titles soon and are going to be pushed to the moon.

  5. Capt. Smooth
    July 31, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Saw Cowboys and aliens last night. Fun flick. There was a nice “badassness” to it.

    • July 31, 2011 at 11:37 am

      Cool. I’m going to get it on bootleg see it soon 🙂

      • Capt. Smooth
        July 31, 2011 at 2:03 pm

        *winks*

  6. July 31, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    Tony Kegger :
    I read that. It looks interesting but I would not be able to have a weekly commitment. Shaman should apply. They encouraged creative columns and his interviews would be great over there I think. I like how they want “gimmick columns”. That is more my style and I have a hard time writing those TJR style columns. I don’t know how those freaks pull it off every week.

    I can’t commit to anything like that. Here I have the freedom to write whenever I want as well as stop writing whenever I want. If they were looking for a once in a while writer I’d be up for it, but I’m not a send in a column every Tuesday at 3:00 guy. That’s why I didn’t bother with TJR writer search.

    • Capt. Smooth
      July 31, 2011 at 2:04 pm

      Cool.

      • July 31, 2011 at 3:41 pm

        I need your next column by 3pm on Tuesday or YOU’RE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lol, kidding.

  7. Alan
    July 31, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Sounds like those bros need some marriage counseling, ahaha.

    • July 31, 2011 at 3:42 pm

      Maybe they should just fuck and get it over with. [||]SUPER PAUSE DELUXE

      • Alan
        July 31, 2011 at 3:50 pm

        Oh I see dude. Sounds like they are suffering from a case of Sexual Tension. ahaha.

        • July 31, 2011 at 6:43 pm

          I think so, lol. Cole also wants a piece of Jim Ross’ ass. Ever toss a salad with BBQ Sauce? Well, Cole wants to try. [||]Pause.

  8. Ray
    July 31, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Good interview, I was hoping you’d have Cole breakdown and claim Hindreich violating him was the reason he is so over the top. Trying to prove his manhood by always screaming, masking the fact he was actually raped. Looking forward to the R Truth interview.

  9. July 31, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    The driving bit was hilarious. Good job Shaman.

    • July 31, 2011 at 5:28 pm

      Thanks, Feedback.

      • Capt. Smooth
        July 31, 2011 at 5:32 pm

        Feedback? Damn, long time no see.

        • July 31, 2011 at 6:46 pm

          When did you see him on here before? Feedback has some cartoon guy as his avatar on TJR so I think that’s an imposter.

          • July 31, 2011 at 7:05 pm

            That’s the same pic on his twitter. That said, anyone can just copy his picture.

            • July 31, 2011 at 7:39 pm

              Maybe it’s a child molester trying to lure Shaman into his dungeon.

              • August 1, 2011 at 8:28 pm

                Yeah, this is me. I followed your link in the comment section at TJR. I’ll try and read all the “Exclusive Interviews” when I get around it. Just read both Booker ones and they were pretty good.

                • August 1, 2011 at 11:16 pm

                  Cool. My other site used to have lots of TJR imposters so I can never be too sure.

          • Capt. Smooth
            July 31, 2011 at 7:52 pm

            I thought he was on your old site. I know he was on the old TJR chatbox.

            • August 1, 2011 at 3:05 pm

              Oh, I dont fucking remember anyone on that chatbox except for us, Shaman, BabyGoose and that Kelly Kelly troll.

              • Capt. Smooth
                August 2, 2011 at 5:45 am

                Ah, The Goosenecks.

  10. Alan
    July 31, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    Were any shaman dudes hurt in the making of this article? ahahaha.

  11. July 31, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Just his table. Shaman was unprofessional and just bounced mid interview.

    • July 31, 2011 at 7:06 pm

      Who was recording the interview while Shaman was gone? Interesting…

      • July 31, 2011 at 7:24 pm

        A hooker in my basement who I thought was dead, but….suprise!

        It worked out well for completing my interview though.

        • July 31, 2011 at 7:33 pm

          I hired a guy named “Jimmy” (not his real name). He does stuff for me. If he was working for you, he would have set up a hidden camera to record the whole interview.

          http://howiwouldbookit.blogspot.com/2011/07/after-raw-vince-mcmahon-and-triple-h.html

          I might have him follow CM Punk tomorrow. He is already staying in a hotel in Indianapolis, Indiana right now.

          • July 31, 2011 at 7:40 pm

            Little Jimmy? Jimmy Yang Wang? Jimmy Neutron?

            • July 31, 2011 at 7:43 pm

              Little Jimmy but this guy has a big Jimmy…I mean is a big Jimmy.

              • Capt. Smooth
                July 31, 2011 at 7:54 pm

                Slimmy Jimmy?

                • July 31, 2011 at 7:56 pm

                  You know…Indiana isn’t that far from Louisville. You are from Louisville right?

                  • Capt. Smooth
                    July 31, 2011 at 7:58 pm

                    Yes

                    • July 31, 2011 at 8:02 pm

                      Interesting…hold on I need to make a phone call.

  12. July 31, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ :
    Just his table. Shaman was unprofessional and just bounced mid interview.

    I thoght if I left them alone and locked the door they’d have no choice but to work out their problems.

  13. July 31, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ :
    I hate musicals

    Don’t lie.

    • July 31, 2011 at 7:28 pm

      He has high school musical on DVD and rocks out to it everynight.

      • July 31, 2011 at 7:42 pm

        I have never watched a musical to completion. As soon as they start signing the channel gets changed.

        • July 31, 2011 at 7:46 pm

          Ever you see that South Park episode where everyone in South Park Elementary become addicted to High School Musical? “This is considered cool now? Well I’ll see you guys later. I’m going home to kill myself.”

          • July 31, 2011 at 7:59 pm

            I didn’t watch that episode because they started singing. I really fucking hate musicals, lol.

            • Capt. Smooth
              July 31, 2011 at 8:01 pm

              In that case…76 trombones led the big parade…!!!

  14. July 31, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ :
    If I only wrote something once a week I think I would be a way better writer since I would have more time to articulate my thoughts. I don’t think they are ready for my shit though as I sometimes tend to go waaaaaay left field with the shit I be saying. I prefer not having a superior, a boss, an editor, as I’m free to be as uncut as I want to be without someone telling me that I might need to revise my columns because it offended someone.

    I had an editor in High School and I had like four editors in College. I don’t like them (other than you of course). I hate when they edit my shit and make a mistake which makes me look like a dumbass. They don’t even give you a heads up. You send in your stuff and then when it is published, words are switched around, stuff you didn’t write are added, quotes you didn’t quote are quoted, words you wrote are suddenly missing, and so on. Then coaches are getting mad at you because they don’t like the headline of the story and you have to tell them that it was the editor’s fault…I don’t like editors. Writing a story is like painting a portrait. Can you imagine if painters had editors? The painter submits his painting and when it is displayed, some parts of his portrait are painted over and there is a tree in the background that he obviously didn’t draw. I’m sure that painter would be pissed and he should be. I’m okay with someone fixing typos or poorly written sentences but when they do too much editing, that’s when I get upset. I have had no problems with you so far…you are one of the best editors I’ve ever had.

    • July 31, 2011 at 7:51 pm

      Sometimes I switch words around and add something, but only if the sentence didn’t make sense to begin with, not for the hell of it. I haven’t done it alot, just a few times here and there. Minor stuff. Some people don’t need too much editing so that’s good, but once in a while I have to perform reconstructive surgery, lol. I like things to look a certain way so that’s my fault.

      • July 31, 2011 at 7:54 pm

        I’m sorry for the rant…I’ve sent a couple angry emails to my editors in the past. Bad times…bad times.

  15. July 31, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    Alan :
    Were any shaman dudes hurt in the making of this article? ahahaha.

    I cut myself while picking the splinters out of Michael Cole’s head. If the man shows up at Raw tomorrow I have nothing but respect for him. Doing commentary with a broken frickin’ neck!

  16. Capt. Smooth
    July 31, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    This group of comments turned in an odd way.

  17. July 31, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    Tony Kegger :

    Hey by the way, I watch a YouTube video and the guy in the video said he met the twin brother of that black WWE referee and the twin brother said that the Usos are winning the WWE Tag Team titles soon and are going to be pushed to the moon.

    Dear Black Referee,

    I would like to wish you the best in your future endevours.

    Sincerly,

    A guy who hardly knew thee.

    • July 31, 2011 at 8:04 pm

      you think he’s getting fired just because his bro told some random fan that the Usos are winning a championship that no one cares about?

  18. Capt. Smooth
    July 31, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    Tony Kegger :
    Interesting…hold on I need to make a phone call.

    If I answer and hear “Do you like scary movies?”, I’m grabbing some weapons.

    • July 31, 2011 at 8:09 pm

      Really? Oops…I need to make another phone call.

    • July 31, 2011 at 8:10 pm

      Lol. I used to prank call people as “The Killer”.

      • July 31, 2011 at 8:12 pm

        Have you answered any questions yet? I’m sure it won’t be as hard as JC having to read 183 column submissions.

        • July 31, 2011 at 9:17 pm

          I answered almost all the wrestling related questions so far.

          • July 31, 2011 at 9:19 pm

            Well there was a lot of non-wrestling questions so I’m guessing you still have a lot of work to do…lol.

  19. Max
    August 1, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    I would love for Cole to get his neck broken in real life. Funny stuff. Looking forward to the R truth interview.

  20. August 2, 2011 at 12:51 am

    Nobody noticed the part at the end where he told Cole “there’s your sidewalkslam” but he really did an Alabama slam?

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