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An Impact Wrestling Roster Evaluation: Part 1 by Shaman’s Harvest

An Impact Wrestling Roster Evaluation: Part 1 by Shaman’s Harvest

Edited by THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ 

Nope, this isn’t an interview with the entire Impact Wrestling roster (but I will so do that eventually because it would be hilarious), this is a formal evaluation of the TNA Superstar roster. I have seen WWE roster evaluations, but I have never seen an evaluation of the Impact Wrestling roster, so I thought I would give it a shot. The terrible thing about the company is that they have a great talent roster when you actually look at it (better than WWE’s), but unfortunately, the goofballs in charge seem to have no idea how to use it. I think a good way to really get to the bottom of the problems on this show as well as how to fix them, is to look at the guys they have and offer some ideas on how to use them (since I am clearly a better wrestling booker than guys who have been in the business for decades… don’t worry, I’m sure you are too).

I guess I would consider myself a regular Impact Wrestling viewer. I tune every Thursday… I don’t always watch it or stay on that channel, but I think I got the main idea of what’s going on there. So, since I’m evaluating the roster, I should probably find a ranking system of some sort, hmmmm… I’ll go with an A, B, C, D, F, Super F ranking system and I’ll give the peeps a + for potential and – for slowing down. I’ll also give a short paragraph with my thoughts on them.

A – Main event level Superstar. Consistently puts on good performances and adds to the show weekly. Can be considered a draw.

B – Upper midcard superstar with the potential to improve. May not be a big draw, but clearly adds to the show.

C – Guys who are just there. They don’t add to the show, but they don’t really take anything away from it either. They have the potential to improve, but are currently support players.

D – Wrestlers with basically nothing going on. Nobody really cares what they do or they rarely appear on the show.

F – Annoying, overrated, terrible wrestlers. These are people that make you want to change the channel when you see them. They could be released tomorrow and nobody would care.

Super F – People I personally hate. They can all go to hell.

So let’s do this! Alphabetically of course. Part one will include Abyss-Jeff Jarrett, part two will finish it up.

Abyss

Ranking: B-

Explanation: I’ve always liked Abyss, he’s one of the few true monsters in TNA. His gimmick is a weird Mankind/Kane love child, but Abyss has always pulled it off. He has dedicated himself to TNA from the start and has really banged up his body in tons of hardcore matches to entertain us. I’ve always enjoyed his wrestling style and his two signature moves (Torture Rack Back Breaker thingy and The Blackhole Slam) are two of the best in the company. Unfortunately for Abyss, he is growing older and so is his gimmick. The character of Abyss is beginning to run its course and Immortal’s Monster will soon be seeing better days once he breaks away from the group.

AJ Styles

Ranking: A

Explanation: AJ is another TNA original and another favorite of mine in the company. He’s the heart and soul of TNA and before the Hogan/Bitchoff era, he was the biggest babyface star in the company. There’s nothing else to say about his ring work than that it is really phenomenal. Right now he’s in a backseat role hanging around doing nothing with Fortune, but AJ is a guy who the company can always rely on when necessary.

Alex Shelly

Ranking: C+

Explanation: Alex Shelly’s a cool guy, The Motor City Machine Gun’s are my favorite team in TNA, but as long as Sabin’s out with an injury, Shelly’s got to try to make it on his own. Right now he’s in the middle of a Kendrick/Aries feud, but in my opinion, he should be the one as champ feuding with Aries because I don’t see the appeal in Kendrick. Time will tell what Alex can do while he’s on his own, but as part of the MCMG he’s always going to be a big part of TNA.

Amazing Red

Ranking: C-

Explanation: I’ve barely seen Amazing Red featured in TNA. He fits the explanation of a D, but he’s just too crazy in ring to get that ranking. Unfortunately, Red is nothing but a spotfest who doesn’t fit the mold of a superstar. He’s an indie’s wrestler so I don’t really expect anything from him in the future. UPDATE: A few days after I wrote this, Amazing Red announced on Twitter that he and TNA had parted ways: “Heys Guyz, I just wanted to let Ya kno 1st…TNA & I parted ways do to the “creative has nothing for you” line, so we r gonna future endeavor each other right now.” Bye bye Red, you will not be missed.

Anarquia

Ranking: Super F

Explanation: Go home, Anarquia.

Angelina Love

Ranking: B 

Explanation: I freaking love this bitch. Love has always been a great performer for the Knockouts Division and continues to be. As she ages, she globs on more makeup, but her body is amazing! How could anyone change the channel on her? I don’t really understand what’s happening with her and Winter (she likes her now?), but she’s moving her career forward and moving away from the Beautiful People. She’s not as big of a focus as she has been in the past, but a potential future feud with Winter should be a good one. She’s a staple of the Knockouts Division for sure.

Austin Aries

Ranking: B+

Explanation: TNA’s newest Indie’s guy. I know very little about Aries’ past work, but I do know he’s a great wrestler and a key acquisition to the new (and improved?) X-Division (or what they claim to be a new focus on the X-Division). In a division full of spotfest wrestlers lacking personality, Aries has shown the makings of a great heel to give the X-Division some new life. He’s a future champion that should have a bright future ahead of him.

Bobby Roode

Ranking: B

Explanation: I know a lot of people see Roode as an untapped main event talent, but I personally don’t. I think Roode is perfect in his role as part of Beer Money. He doesn’t need to be a main eventer because the tag division matters in TNA (kind of) and he and Strom are staple’s there. Roode doesn’t have the potential to be a draw in my opinion, but he’s got talent.

Brian Kendrick

Ranking: C

Explanation: I’m not really a fan of the X-Division Champion. They like to pretend for some reason that he’s one of the building blocks of the X-Division, when in reality he’s just a WWE reject with a pretty stupid gimmick. I don’t think Kendrick deserves his spot in TNA, but management seems to disagree.

Bully Ray

Ranking: B-

Explanation: I think Bully Ray’s playing his role well. He seems like a legit douchebag who puts on a badass act, but is really a coward. I know he’s old and past his prime, but he’s definitely showing a personality and mic skills that he didn’t really get the chance to show as a part of Team 3D. Ray will play this role for a while before he calls it quits, as long as he stays out of main events I’m good with him.


Chris Sabin

Ranking: C+

Explanation: I like Shelly better, but Sabin is without a doubt an amazing wrestler who helped give the tag division the great name it had (hasn’t been as great with the Hogan/Bitchoff era). Sabin doesn’t really have much going as a singles competitor, but he’s perfect as half of the MCMG.

Christopher Daniels

Ranking: B-

Explanation: Daniels has proved that he can still go at a top level with AJ Styles at TNA’s Destination X PPV, but besides that, Daniels has never stuck out to me. Wrestling ability aside, he’s just average at best. He’s always been the weird bald guy that’s there to be a support player. Daniels adds roster depth and great wrestling ability, but he’s not a modern-day Superstar.

Cookie

Ranking: D+

Explanation: I have no idea where Cookie is or if she’s still employed. I have never seen her compete once. She’s really hot and reminds me of Melina 2006 so she doesn’t get an F.

Crimson

Ranking: B+

Explanation: He’s undefeated and TNA’s 2011 Samoa Joe. TNA clearly sees something in Crimson that I don’t because Amazing Red’s little brother just looks like some big Ginger Indie’s guy rather than a guy TNA should be building. I guess he has something I don’t see, so I’m not going to bury him yet. He’s a wait and see kind of guy.

The Pope

Ranking: C+

Explanation: Here’s another guy whos booking really confuses me. No one turns face and heel as much as Pope and the push he had many months ago has definitely diminished. I couldn’t tell you if he’s a face or heel right now, but depending on the age of Devon’s sons he may not be the type of pimp he claims to be. Pope is completely irrelevant right now. He could get a push again, but you can never be sure with TNA.

Devon

Ranking: D

Explanation: Without Bully Ray, Devon is nothing. He’s past his prime and no longer entertaining. It’s time for Devon to go because right now he’s nothing but a washed up notable name on the roster.

Douglas Williams

Ranking: C

Explanation: Another guy who kind out just disappeared. He seems to he getting back with Magnus to take on Dirty Mexican’s in America though. He’s got the classy Brit thing going, but to me he’s boring.

Eric Bitchoff

Ranking: F

Explanation: I don’t enjoy Eric Bitchoff and I don’t think many people do either. Eric’s a decent on-air personality, but he’s an egomaniac. One of the biggest problems in TNA, in my opinion, is Eric Bitchoff. He constantly gets air time and has everyone act like he’s some big important superstar. Eric’s gross amount of TV time hurts the entire show and the development of other wrestlers because no one will ever pay to see Bitchoff and no one enjoys Bitchoff. Until Eric realizes he needs to get the hell off this show and let the real wrestlers perform, TNA will continue having problems.

Eric Young

Ranking: D+

Explanation: I really don’t give a crap about the always retarded Eric Young. For some reason he’s the Television Champion, even though he’s rarely on TV, and for another stupid reason he’s running around with the old World Title. From what I read, Eric thinks he needs to defend the TV title against real TV stars, but I really don’t know. Eric Young has run his course of funniness to the point where he’s just annoying. The D+ is there because he can be good when he’s serious, but I don’t know if I’m gonna give a shit about this guy again no matter what.

Gunner

Ranking: C+

Explanation: Gunner is just another of Immortal’s 1 million members. He used to be a security guard with his old pal Murphy, but apparently TNA has seen something in him as a big up and coming heel star. He has a badass look to him, but not much personality is really showing. He’s in the same boat as Crimson as a young guy TNA’s trying to build. I give them credit for at least trying. We’ll have to wait and see what happens with this guy. He reminds me of Andy Leavine too, and that’s never a good thing.

Hernandez

Ranking: Super F

Explanation: The Taco Bell 5 minutes away from my house is hiring, Hernandez. Send in a résumé, but avoid mentioning you were ever a wrestler. “Tell me… you didn’t… just say that!” Yeah I said that.

Hulk Hogan

Ranking: A-

Explanation: Let me explain myself, as much as Hogan takes up time from new talent and focuses on his own ego, there will always be non-IWC Hulkamaniac’s that tune in to see their childhood hero, and that’s why Hogan gets an A-. Unlike Bitchoff, he is a name people care about that helped build the wrestling business. I really wish Hogan would step back and let the new talent shine, but that doesn’t mean he needs to be non-existent because there is definitely a place for him. I am hopeful that once Hogan turns face, Immortal will diminish, Eric Bitchoff will get kidnapped by homosexual hobos, and things will start to be better in TNA. Hogan needs to slow down and tone down his ego, but there are people who want to see him and that’s the only reason why he gets an A-, because he is a draw for older wrestling fans.

James Storm

Ranking: C+

Explanation: Storm is a big ol’ beer drinking badass cowboy. He kind of reminds me of Punk’s old Filthy Jesus look. As part of Beer Money and Fortune, he along with Roode, Shelly and Sabin, are the heart and soul of the tag division. Storm might be able to have a nice run as a heel singles competitor, but he works great in Beer Money, so why change it?

Jeff Hardy

Ranking: F

Explanation: The F isn’t just because he failed in TNA, or because he failed in WWE, it represents Jeff Hardy’s entire freaking life. This guy had WWE in the palm of his hands, he had the fame and the money… but he blew it on drugs. Then he had TNA in the palm of his hands… but he blew it on drugs. A Jeff Hardy on the top of his game is an A, but he isn’t on top, he’s the worst he’s ever been. Jeff screwed Jeff. Don’t do drugs… or pretend you’re the Anti-Christ. Don’t color your hair or dance or go to work high. Don’t do anything that Jeff Hardy would do. Please, don’t be a Jeff Hardy. [This comment was brought to you by A Foundation For A Better Life.]

Jeff Jarrett

Ranking: B-

Explanation: Jeff and Karen running around together is getting really old. Jeff’s just another member of Immortal and I’m positive Karen actually thinks she’s a real life princess and the show is about her. Jarrett’s had his moments on top of TNA before the Hogan/Bitchoff era, so his purpose now should be putting over new talent. He doesn’t need to be a big star in this era.

________

That’s if for part one, I’ll be back with part two next week along with my final thoughts on the TNA roster. The R. Truth interview is still coming, but at a later time. I’ll make you wait because I’m sure you’re all really looking forward to it, right?

Thanks for reading/skimming/just looking at the letter grade’s and reading the really short explanations about the Mexican guys (because that’s what I would do). Comment your asses off now.

Thanks for Reading! 

  1. Capt. Smooth
    August 21, 2011 at 8:39 am

    Come on! We all know Mr. Anarquia is a future world champion!

    • August 21, 2011 at 8:52 am

      Who? I need to start watching Impact again. I never heard of his name…ever. Is that Chavo Guerrero’s new gimmick?

      • Capt. Smooth
        August 21, 2011 at 9:05 am

        I think he’s a jobber who used to be in OVW.

    • August 21, 2011 at 12:39 pm

      LMMFAO. I actually like Mexican America and Anarquia is decent on the mic. They are despicable heels so I can understand why Shaman would hate them, but it seems like he hates them for other reasons, hmmm. I just can’t put my finger on it though.

      • Capt. Smooth
        August 21, 2011 at 1:51 pm

        Jarrett’s in the group? That could be it.

        • August 22, 2011 at 5:43 am

          I don’t think that’s it. I wonder if he drank the water in Mexico then went to take a massive shit and the locals hid the toilet paper from him. Maybe he’s held a grudge ever since. I don’t fucking know.

  2. August 21, 2011 at 8:51 am

    When I saw the Amazing Red entry, I was thinking, “I thought he was released” and then I saw your update.I like Spot Monkeys. I’d rather see Amazing Red vs. Jack Evans (I’ll start watching Impact if they make him a FT addition to the roster) than a technical battle between Kurt Angle and Sting.

    Who the fuck is Anarquia? Must be Impact’s Tyler Reks.

    Wow…that picture of Angela Love is awesome. I’m not a big Angela fan but that’s a great picture. I want her to rub her titties in my face…sorry I got a little bit too excited.

    I like Brian Kendrick. I was a fan when he was in WWE so I’m glad Impact got him. When I do watch Impact, which is like once every one or two months, he’s one of the guys I enjoy watching.

    • Capt. Smooth
      August 21, 2011 at 9:06 am

      The boobs are going in MY face and on…something else.

    • August 21, 2011 at 12:44 pm

      I love spotfests. I don’t see why people hate those kind of matches and wrestlers. Those type of matches are kick ass and its what made the X-Division what it was. Lately it hasn’t been as good as it used to be, but they are focusing on it more and just signed a few new guys.

      Angelina Love looks so good. She has one of the tightest bodies I have ever seen. I don’t think there’s one once of fat on her body, not that I mind that kinda thing. I would love to play in them tits for a bit for sure.

      Kendrick isn’t as bad as Shaman says he is. I like his philosophical side, even though his ring gear makes him look like a hippie genie.

  3. August 21, 2011 at 9:59 am

    I have been watching TNA last few weeks. From what iv’e seen…..Angle, Anderson and AJ are THE ones to drive them forward if their creative team wakes the fuck up.

    • August 21, 2011 at 12:46 pm

      They are lost on what to do with Anderson. One minute he is champion, then he’s a jobber, then he’s a face, then he’s a heel, then he’s injured and written off TV. I would like to see him back in the WWE, but he has to much heat with people there that he might never go back.

  4. Alan
    August 21, 2011 at 11:15 am

    Yay! Hulkamania brother! ahaha, Go Hogan dude!

    • August 21, 2011 at 12:49 pm

      Lol. Mark my words, Hulk Hogan is going to fucking die in the ring when he makes his in-ring return.

  5. August 21, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    I really hope Hogan never gets back in the ring, not only from the stand point that his match would be the total shits but i know his back wouldn’t be able to withstand any form of impact. That “fight” he had a few weeks back with Sting in the dressing room was awful and should never had made on to TV.

    I know it’s already been said but that pic of Angelina is fan fucking tastic, she looks stunning

    • August 22, 2011 at 5:44 am

      I will mark the fuck out if he ends up snapping his spine in half in the ring.

      • Capt. Smooth
        August 22, 2011 at 5:48 am

        Maybe, he’s bionic?

        • August 22, 2011 at 6:26 am

          He’s going to be a crippled motherfucker pretty soon. Can’t wait.

          • Capt. Smooth
            August 22, 2011 at 5:18 pm

            The Hoganator

  6. Rob
    August 21, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    That Jeff Hardy pic gets me everytime. I know everyone likes the Angelina pic but I’m liking that Cookie one too but the female in the Abyss pic is the sexiest in my opinion. Who is she?

    • August 22, 2011 at 5:49 am

      I have no idea who she is. She kinda looks like a Kim Kardashian clone. She’s hot. As for Cookie she can get it 2. Those tits are great.

  7. August 21, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    This was written 3 weeks ago so some stuff might be out of date. Pope and Anderson have probably turned about 3 or 4 times since then.

    • August 21, 2011 at 5:54 pm

      Hey R-Truth was in Canada on Friday. I thought he was banned.

      • August 21, 2011 at 6:06 pm

        That was a guy from developmental dressed as R. Truth. All the FCW guys are doing it.

        Next week on Raw Tyler Black will be CM Punk and Lucky Cannon will be Triple H.

        No one will notice.

        • August 21, 2011 at 6:19 pm

          I’m not so sure…maybe places are letting him in because he’s a gooood R-Truth. He was in Chicago last month which believe or not was probably his first ever Chi-Town appearance. So cities and countries don’t want him when he’s a harmless dancing rapper but they let him in when he’s a crazy angry lunatic? Weird.

          • August 21, 2011 at 6:34 pm

            Hate to take away from the comedy but R-Truth is now allowed in Canada because so many years have passed since his criminal convicition. 5 or 10 years cant remember which one

            • August 21, 2011 at 7:14 pm

              cool…thanks for the update…Maybe that’s why he was allowed to appear in Chicago although I doubt he was banned from Chicago but it was weird that he kept getting left off the card whenever the WWE were there.

              • Capt. Smooth
                August 21, 2011 at 7:41 pm

                Maybe it was Little Jim-eh?

    • August 22, 2011 at 5:50 am

      Lol.

      • Capt. Smooth
        August 22, 2011 at 5:50 am

        Sorry, I had to.

  8. August 22, 2011 at 5:03 am

    I’ll ask this now…does anyone actually want to read Part 2? Becuase I’m perfectly ok with just leaving it off here and pretending the other half of the roster got released.

    • August 22, 2011 at 5:51 am

      Don’t say you’re going to do something and not do it dammit.

      • August 22, 2011 at 2:36 pm

        If politician’s can do it so can I.

        • August 22, 2011 at 6:15 pm

          Just do a report on the notable names and leave out the guys no one cares about.

  9. August 22, 2011 at 6:32 am

    Don’t do drugs… or pretend you’re the Anti-Christ. Don’t color your hair or dance or go to work high. Don’t do anything that Jeff Hardy would do. Please, don’t be a Jeff Hardy. [This comment was brought to you by A Foundation For A Better Life.] – Shaman

    I do drugs, I am the Anti-Christ of the IWC, I don’t color my hair, but I dance and I’m high more times than not. Am I a Jeff Hardy ass motherfucker?

  10. melissa
    January 26, 2014 at 11:45 pm

    Just out of curiosity do you have permission to be using the shamans harvest name and logo????? Just not real sure if thats right (you going by the bands name and logo on your blog) if you dont have anything to do with the band. Because you yourself (the person writting this blog) are not shamans harvest. Unless of course you have their permission or your a member of the band or their team. I mean I understand being a die hard fan of them cause trust me I know I am for sure and in that same token thats why im asking you this question. Pretty sure that could run you into some legal issues. 😦

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