Home > Guest Blog, Infamous Interview, Shaman's Harvest, WWE > My Exclusive Interview with R. Truth by Shaman’s Harvest

My Exclusive Interview with R. Truth by Shaman’s Harvest

My Exclusive Interview with R. Truth by Shaman’s Harvest

Edited by THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ 

Disclaimer: This is intended solely for entertainment purposes only. The content of this interview is purely imaginary and did not really occur. R. Truth is not this crazy in real life, at least I hope not.

One of the best parts of my Infamous Interview’s is, in my opinion, the variety of Superstars being interviewed. Almost every time that a WWE Superstar gives a promotional interview or appears on a Talk Show, it’s one of two people, 1) John Cena speaking of his love of entertaining 8-year-old boys and visiting them when they are at their most vulnerable at hospitals (because that’s not suspicious at all) or 2) The Miz talking about… talking about.. ok, I’ve never bothered to read an interview of his other than the times he has said how much the locker room used to hate him (which they all still do deep down inside after the drunks at PWI accidentally named him “Wrestler of the Year”) and I’ve never watched him once on a silly late night talk show, so I just assume he talks about his homosexual relationship with Michael Cole and living the life of an orange man in speedo’s. Both these guys have no reason to be interviewed other than shameless self promotion with the goal of saying “Sports Entertainment” at least 7 times before it’s over. Someone who really does deserves an interview though is R. Truth. Why isn’t he on Lil’ Jimmy Kimmel?

Ever since he attacked “The Shaman of Shriveled Up Scrotums”, “The Pinnacle of Pathetic Penises”, “The Messiah of Missing Manhood” (do not hesitate to add more in the comment section), John Morrison, while having a cigarette and enjoying a nice bottle of water, he’s been unfairly villainized. He finally realized that just because he was black it didn’t mean he could rap and focused on furthering his own career. R. Truth truly believes there is a conspiracy against him and it doesn’t help when the entire WWE locker room makes him out to be crazy, and we all know that when you’re constantly told you’re insane, you start to really become insane. I’ve patiently waited for a real journalist to let this man speak his mind, but it hasn’t happened. I have no choice but to help this man and let him speak out against the conspiracy. So I decided it was time to call up Booker T and get R. Truth’s address (after hearing about how he spent the entire day deciding between two toilet paper brands and how he finally decided to just wait until one of them goes on sale). Once I contacted R. Truth he said I’d be more than welcome to come down and get the low down. What crazy antics did we get ourselves into? Read it and find the fudge out, and no don’t just skim it!!!!!! I’ll know!

After hours of searching for the place, I finally arrived at R. Truth’s residence. The house appeared broken down and the bricks were painted dirt brown, all the windows were boarded shut and the property reeked of Meth and half-cooked fried chicken. I passed through the 2ft line of police tape and I found R. Truth in his “straight jacket” (stupid announcers) watering the front driveway.

Shaman: R. Truth?

Truth: LIL JIMMY! Whatcha doin’ here Lil Jimmy?

Shaman: Uh, no. I’m not Jimmy. I’m Shaman’s Harvest from theinfamousjcity.com here for our interview.

Truth: Oh, right. I thought you were Lil’ Jimmy. Come here for a second.

I walked closer, but apparently not close enough as he pulled my ear right up to his mouth. He’d been smoking.

Truth: Ya see, I got’s to be careful because Lil’ Jimmy is after me (he was talking in a hush tone). You see, there’s this conspiracy against me and it’s lead by Lil’ Jimmy. He screwed me out of the WWE Title! He’s screw me again too!

Shaman: Truth…

Truth: SCREW ME LIL’ JIMMY! I DARE YA’LL!

Shaman: Well, we should probably get moving along now.

Truth: I got’s to finish watering the drive way first cause I’m a gooooood R. Truth and I don’t want it to go thirsty.

Shaman: ……

Truth: What ya waiting for? Let’s get going inside.

We walked inside into his garage.

Truth: Shaman, would you mind getting that water bottle outta my van? It’s gotta get got before it gets hot.

Shaman: Sure, no problem.

I leaned into his van to grab the water, and all of a sudden he pushed me into the passenger’s seat. Truth jumped into the van and slammed the door shut, he put the keys in the ignition and stepped on the gas, breaking through his garage door and police tape. We began speeding down the street. (Then he raped me and the interview was over… no not really).

Shaman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?! Stop the damn car! Stop it!

Truth: Why? So Lil’ Jimmy can jump me again?

Shaman: THERE IS NO LIL’ JIMMY! Stop the damn car! This interview is over!

Truth: Hell no, you requested this interview and now we’re gonna do it.

Shaman: Slow down! We’re gonna crash.

Truth: No we ain’t. I’m a great pilot.

Shaman: Truth, stop the damn car!

Truth turned to me with his eyes bugged out.

Truth: Look, Shaman’s Harvest, you said you wanted to do this, so we gonna do this. I can’t take the chance that Lil’ Jimmy followed you here. We’re safer in here than we are at home. I’m not gonna get got by Lil’ Jimmy! Interview me.

Shaman: Stop the car you Lunatic!

All of a sudden Truth swerved to the side of the street, heading straight towards a telephone pole. We were just about to hit it when he once again swerved in the opposite direction, putting us back on the road.

Truth: YOU EITHER CONDUCT THIS INTERVIEW RIGHT NOW OR WE DRIVING OFF THE NEXT BRIDGE!

Truth was screaming at the top of his lungs while driving like a mad man through a small amount of traffic, at least until we hit the highway. I was hysterical by this point. I had to interview for my life. Goddammit, this was a bad time to be the worst journalist ever.

Truth: ASK!

Shaman: Ehehehehehe…oh God, Tr..Truth, how do you deal with the…eheheheheh, with the hectic travel schedule of WWE?

Truth: Hectic travel schedule? Hectic travel schedule? WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU!!!?

Truth swerved into the opposite lane, putting us in the path of a city bus, which just missed our back bumper. We were driving in the wrong lane now.

Truth: ASK A GOOD ONE!

Shaman: HHHHHEEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!!

Truth: Man, shut up! Can’t you see I’m driving? DO YOU WANT ME TO GET IN AN ACCIDENT?

Shaman: No! No!

Truth: Good. Try another question.

Shaman: (While crying) Tell me about the conspiracy!

Truth: I’d thought you’d never ask! See, the conspiracy against me is that… hey SHUT UP!

Shaman: I wasn’t talking!

Truth: Not you. The guys in the back.

Shaman: There’s no one in the back! Please pull over! Please!

Truth: You think I’m playing? All three of you shut up while I drive.

Shaman: Who else is here!?!?!

Truth: Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit.

Shaman: FOR GOD SAKES! HELP!

Truth: Man, stop it or I’ll turn this van around right now!

Shaman: Oh… ok!

Truth: You deserve this with your behavior, lemme just find a good place to turn…WAIT! STOP DOING THAT! YOU TRYING TO GET ME TO STOP FOR LIL’ JIMMY!

Truth drove off the road and into a field, he finally parked… in the middle of a set of train tracks. He had all the doors locked.

Shaman: Oh my God! I’m alive! (I was still catching me breath).

Truth: Ok, so the conspiracy against me…

Shaman: Wait, we’re on train tracks! You gotta get off these.

Truth: Don’t worry, no train comin’ today fool. So now about that conspiracy, see, Lil’ Jimmy had me dancing and singing “What’s Up?” for years, but that ain’t get me no where. Then I finally get my shot and John Morrison goes an….

Shaman: Do you hear that?

Truth: I heard me talking before you interrupted me.

Shaman: No… it’s… Truth, that’s a train back there! It’s coming our way. You gotta drive. NOW!

Truth: Man you telling me to stop then you telling me to drive! YOU CRAZY! YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME CRAZY LIKE YOU!

Shaman: Truth the train’s right there!

Truth: I said no train comes today.

Shaman: But it’s right there!

Truth: Chris, double-check whether a train comes today.

Shaman: It’s right freaking there! Unlock the door!

Truth: He’s checkin’.

Shaman: Truth, there’s no time left! Drive!

The train was reaching closer and closer. It honked its horn frantically and tried to stop, but it couldn’t stop fast enough. I ducked down and waited for the worst.

But just in time Truth slammed on the gas and managed to avoid the train, his van still in perfect shape.

Shaman: Oh thank God!

Truth: NO TIME! LIL’ JIMMY BE DRIVING THAT TRAIN!

Shaman: What? No!

Truth sped up again back on to the road as we were now on the highway.

Shaman: You’re going to kill us both!

Truth: I SAID SHUT UP!

Cars pulled to the side of the street as we sped by. All of a sudden we heard a quite audible and familiar noise from behind us.

Truth: THE FUZZ! DID YOU CALL ‘EM, SHAMAN?

Shaman: No! I’ve been with you the entire time. You gotta pull over!

Truth: YOU CALLED THE COPS ON ME! EDDIE SEEN YOU! I’M GONNA KILL YOU!

Shaman: HHHEEELLLLPPPP!!!!

There was now a high-speed chase down the highway, Truth’s van was being followed by at least 5 police cruisers with a police helicopter overhead. I was praying they would stop us.

Truth: I GOT AN IDEA!

Truth got off the highway and was driving on a big field, children screamed and fled as we destroyed their playground. We finally came to a stop when we collided with a jungle gym. The van was totaled. We both exited slowly.

Shaman: Shit… oh my freaking God! You killed him!

Squashed between the car and the jungle gym was the body of a third grade boy in a John Cena T-shirt.

Shaman: You freaking killed him!

Truth: Oh my gawd… THAT WAS LIL’ JIMMY! LIL’ JIMMY GOT GOT! I GOT GOT’D LIL’ JIMMY!

Shaman: You’re insane!

Truth: I’M FREE! I GOT LIL’ JIMMY… wait, over there! THAT’s BIG JIMMY! Ahhhhh…

Truth ran from the playground and tacked Big Jimmy into a near-by lake. The thing is, there was no Big Jimmy, no one was even there. He tackled air into the water.

I stood there staring at the dead boy, the broken van, and the wreck around me. It was over. I survived. Just then, I was brutally thrown to the ground and shocked with a tazer and pepper sprayed. The being thrown to the ground knocked me out, but you know the police, they just love to abuse their power.

I awoke in a jail cell later that day. I had been charged with reckless driving, fleeing from arrest, and vehicular manslaughter. I had no idea what happened to R. Truth after this, but I was too disoriented to ask for him or plead my case. It looks like a tough situation, but knowing our legal system, the trial won’t occur for another 5 years, and I’ll probably be let off with just a slap on the wrist since I’m a white male… who was actually a hostage and unfairly arrested. Well, it looks like the only one who got got was me, oh, and that little boy, but he wasn’t a main character so I think we’ll just forget about him. He wasn’t real either. Good interview. Good interview. Feel free to print this off and distribute this door to door if you so choose.

Warm Regards,
Shaman’s Harvest

Now if you weren’t down with this I got one creative illustration for ya:

…………………./´¯/)
………………..,/¯../
………………./…./
…………./´¯/’…’/´¯¯`•¸
………./’/…/…/……./¨¯\
……..(‘(…´…´…. ¯~/’…’)
………\……………..’…../
……….”…\………. _.•´
…………\…………..(
…………..\………….\…

  1. August 25, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Not only is the best interview you have ever done, it’s hands down the best thing you have ever written… EVER!!!! Lot’s of action and a GREAT twist at the end. Bravo motherfucker. I’m proud of you son.

  2. Lil Jimmy
    August 25, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    Gay gay gay GAY

    • August 25, 2011 at 6:58 pm

      Whatever you say Capt. Fag-A-Lot… no relations to Capt. Smooth.

      • Capt. Smooth
        August 25, 2011 at 7:00 pm

        That’s good to know.

  3. August 25, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Damn…this was fucking great. It was slow in the beginning but was amazing towards the end. That shit became epic right when Truth started talking to Eddie and Benoit.

    Wow…I’m so proud of the Infamous Crew right now. Just pretend you are in the ECW arena right now while I chant, “INFAMOUS INFAMOUS INFAMOUS INFAMOUS INFAMOUS”.

    • August 25, 2011 at 7:01 pm

      I marked out for the Eddie and Benoit mentions. Now everytime R-Truth talks to his “buddies” I will always envision him talking to their spirits. The end where it was all in Shamans head and it was really him who was crazy was fucking epic as fuck.

  4. August 25, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    Damn I can’t believe how active JCITY has been since his epic return. This is like the 8th thing he has published in three days!

    • Capt. Smooth
      August 25, 2011 at 7:02 pm

      Getting close to 100,000 views, J! Privite Orgies for each Crew member?

      • August 25, 2011 at 7:10 pm

        Lol, now that would be one hell of a celebration.

        • Capt. Smooth
          August 25, 2011 at 7:11 pm

          I want to place an order for “bubble grinders”.

          • August 25, 2011 at 7:18 pm

            What the hell is that?

            • Capt. Smooth
              August 25, 2011 at 7:23 pm

              Bubble butts who grind while doing cowgirl.

    • August 25, 2011 at 7:04 pm

      I just noticed that after I posted this up. I think I’m subconsciously making up for lost time. Maybe I should take another vacation…

      • Capt. Smooth
        August 25, 2011 at 7:06 pm

        Who can interview me while you’re gone? hmmmm

  5. Capt. Smooth
    August 25, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    Shaman, I bow down to you.

    • August 25, 2011 at 7:07 pm

      [||]Pause.

      • Capt. Smooth
        August 25, 2011 at 7:09 pm

        rewind

        • August 25, 2011 at 10:14 pm

          Capt,

          I saw Iron Man 2 yesterday. Have you seen that movie?

          • August 26, 2011 at 5:31 am

            I liked that movie, might have been a bit too long for my liking, but it was good nonetheless.

            • Capt. Smooth
              August 26, 2011 at 5:58 am

              Yeah, that one weapon he uses once was badass! It cuts down all the fucking trees. I want that!

            • August 26, 2011 at 9:32 am

              Scarlett Johansson was great in that movie!

              • Capt. Smooth
                August 26, 2011 at 5:56 pm

                She’s gonna be with the whole cast in the Avergers movie. Have you seen the videos online?

                • August 27, 2011 at 11:06 am

                  No I haven’t!

                  • Capt. Smooth
                    August 27, 2011 at 1:14 pm

                    Yeah, it’s spy footage of Cap and Thor fighting minions.

  6. August 25, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ :
    The end where it was all in Shamans head and it was really him who was crazy was fucking epic as fuck.

    What the hell? Where did you read that? Now I got to read it again because I must have missed that. I read it as R-Truth ran away (or was too busy attacking the imaginary Big Jimmy) so Shaman got stuck with the charges…but maybe I read it wrong.

    • August 25, 2011 at 7:17 pm

      Maybe that’s what he meant, but I took it as R-Truth didn’t really exist considering that he just disappeared into the water. Surely he would have surfaced and got caught too. Maybe I read too much into it. I really need to stop smoking.

  7. August 25, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    Just confirmed: The new Stone Cold DVD Set will be Four DVDs. That’s a must-buy DVD set for me. JR confirmed that he and Stone Cold did alternate commentary for Stone Cold’s WM 13 (Bret Hart), 14 (HBK), and 17 (Rock) matches. I own all three matches but the WM 13 match has audio problems on the Bret Hart DVD and hopefully they will finally do a better job editing the WWF logo in the WM17 match because they have done a shit job editing that match in the past….I’d love to hear JR and Stone Cold’s comments about the matches!

  8. August 25, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    THE INFAMOUS JCITY™ :
    Maybe that’s what he meant, but I took it as R-Truth didn’t really exist considering that he just disappeared into the water. Surely he would have surfaced and got caught too. Maybe I read too much into it. I really need to stop smoking.

    So R-Truth doesn’t really exist and we have been watching and talking about an imaginary wrestler this whole time? Maybe WE are the ones who are crazy.

  9. Stephen
    August 26, 2011 at 10:29 am

    This is garbage.

  10. Rob
    August 26, 2011 at 11:03 am

    Worth the wait.

  11. Mr.Redlight
    August 26, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    This was great!!!

  12. August 27, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    Just got back online. Internet was out for a few days and had to switch service providers. Nice to see you all like this, except Steph, of course.

    • August 27, 2011 at 2:32 pm

      Oh good…you didn’t get got by R-Truth. Or get raped by Luke Robinson. Or Zack Ryder finally found you like he promised he would.

      • August 27, 2011 at 2:39 pm

        Dammit Tony, you guys were supossed to forget about that so when he does get me you’ll all be like “ohhhhhh snap!”

        • August 27, 2011 at 2:41 pm

          Oops…I have no idea what you are talking about.

  13. August 31, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    I used Roberto, the crazy robot with the knife, from Futurama as a inspiration of how I wanted R Truth to act.

  1. November 29, 2011 at 5:22 am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: