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What If… Part 5 by Tony Kegger Featuring THE INFAMOUS JCITY™

What If… Part 5 by Tony Kegger


[Editor’s Note: “What If…” is back motherfuckers!!! The last time I posted an installment in Tony Kegger’s exclusive series was well over four months ago. That is mainly my fault though, as Tony finished this post well over 2 months ago, but as you all might know by now, I was away on a state sponsored vacation, thus wasn’t able to post this, let alone add my illustrious commentary to it. It has been such a long time, that I forgot this shit was even sitting in my inbox, but here it is, in all its splendid glory. As in previous editions, my thoughts will be bolded in brackets while the Kegmeister’s thoughts will be in plain text.  By the way, if you would like to check out any of the previous editions in this series, then click the following links; part one, part two, part three, and part four. Alright, let’s get right to it…]

What if Mick Foley didn’t leave his job as a Smackdown announcer after only 15 episodes?

In 2008, Mick Foley returned to the WWE, but not as a wrestler. He returned as a Smackdown announcer. Foley wrote in his “Countdown to Lockdown” book; “I’d been asked about announcing several years before and had dismissed it fairly quickly, thinking that working that closely with Vince [McMahon] could drive me crazy, and knowing I had several options outside wrestling to explore. By April 2008, I’d been exploring those options for years and had yet to find a legitimate second career.” Foley made his WWE announcing debut at Backlash on April 27, 2008. Right away, Foley realized he loved being a WWE announcer. In his book Foley also wrote; “For those first several weeks, I was ecstatic, thinking I’d found a viable new career—something I could do for the next ten years, maybe more.” Remember, this was in 2008, so Foley was expecting his stint as a WWE announcer to last until at least 2018. However, his announcing career ended before the end of 2008. What happened was that Vince would often yell at Foley through his headsets during Smackdown broadcasts while using inappropriate language. Foley didn’t like that, so on August 1, 2008, Edge put Foley through a table and that was the last time we have seen him near a WWE ring.

[Remember when I said this was written over 4 months ago? Well, MICK FOLEY IS BACK IN THE WWE, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!! Surely, Foley’s best days in the ring are clearly behind him, but it was great to see such an important figure in WWE history make his way back home.  I’ve read various online reports and the majority of them seem to think that Foley’s return was wasted on his segment with John Cena, but my thoughts are quite the opposite of the norm. Seeing Foley bring back his “This is your life” segment, this time with John Cena, was fucking awesome. Some people thought the segment was lame, but that’s Mick Foley in a nutshell. When he’s not too busy being the “Hardcore Legend”, Foley is an uber corny, cheap pop loving lame ass, who wears the same damn clothes year after year after year. Sure, he looks like a dingy homeless pedophile, but no matter what, Foley remains a lovable, (pause), charismatic bastard, who knows how to work the crowd. With that being said, I doubt we see Foley actually wrestle again, but crazier things have happened in our chosen genre of entertainment, so it wouldn’t surprise me if he did. Considering his past as WWE Commissioner, I can see Foley being some type of authority figure fairly soon, especially with John Gingivitis only being an INTERIM General Manager and all…]

So what if Mick Foley learned to deal with Vince’s anger issues or what if Vince treated Foley with more respect? Assuming Foley meant it when he wrote that he wanted to be a WWE announcer for at least ten years, he would still be a Smackdown announcer right now. That would possibly mean that Booker T would not be a Smackdown announcer at the moment. Of course it would also mean Foley would have never joined TNA, but I do not want to focus on how this would have affected TNA. I’m disappointed that Foley’s announcing career was so short because he is my second favorite WWE Superstar of all-time and I’m sure we would have seen at least one more Mick Foley match in the WWE during the last three years.

[What I find absolutely hilarious about Foley’s complains about Vince yelling in his ears through his headset is the fact that Foley ONLY HAS ONE FUCKING EAR!!!! So no matter how much of a jackass Vince could have been, it couldn’t have been HALF as bad considering that Foley ONLY HAS ONE FUCKING EAR!!!! I’m sure Foley just didn’t like being treated like a puppet and justifiably so, but to blame it on his hearing abilities is a bunch of bullshit since the fucker ONLY HAS ONE FUCKING EAR!!!! But yeah, if he would have stayed announcing on Smackdown he would have never had a stint in TNA and to me that would have sucked tremendously. As a TNA fan, it was nice to see Foley get a chance to do what he felt he was still capable of doing and that’s wrestle. I think that was also part of his frustrations with Vince McMahon. While Foley felt he could have contributed more in the ring, Vince just looked at him as a washed up has been. I would have left too if I was him. As for his run in TNA, all I have to say is that he had plenty of classic moments over on Spike TV and as a Foley fan, I loved every second of it. It was also nice to see him get one more run as a World Champion. I know a majority of WWE fans missed his TNA run or just don’t care about it, but I thoroughly enjoyed his stay in that wrestling organization. On the flip side, if he would have stayed in the WWE then I think we would have never had an Anonymous RAW General Manager because Foley would have been perfect for that role.]

What if Hulk Hogan was healthy enough to wrestle at Wrestlemania 25?

Hulk Hogan wrote a book called “My Life Outside the Ring” in 2009 and in that book he wrote that Vince McMahon wanted him to appear at WrestleMania 25. However, Hogan was not healthy enough to appear at the event. Hogan wrote; “As April approached, a string of ongoing back surgeries kept me from even entertaining the possibility of hitting that ring. Doctors finally discovered that the bottom of my spine is shaped like a J now—the result of 20 years of dropping the leg drop on my opponents, landing full-weight on my left butt cheek. I was really disappointed. I felt miserable about it. I wanted to be able to make that choice myself and not have it dictated by doctors.” In his book, he went on to say that it was probably a good thing that his back prevented him from doing WrestleMania 25 because he felt that wrestling was part of his old life and it was time to focus on his new life. However, in 2010, after the book was published, Hogan joined TNA, so we now know that wrestling is still part of his life after all, therefore I think if he was healthy enough, there would have been a very good possibility that Hogan would have agreed to be at WrestleMania 25.

If Hogan appeared at WrestleMania 25, what would his role have been? Would he have been in a match? If he was going to be in a match, who would his opponent be? If the plan was for Hogan to be in a match, I think it’s likely that he would have faced Chris Jericho. That year, Jericho was insulting the WWE Legends. I think McMahon’s first plan was for Jericho to face Hogan and Plan B was Jericho facing Roddy Piper, Ricky Steamboat, and Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka. If Hogan did face Jericho, that probably means that Steamboat wouldn’t have faced Jericho at Backlash in late April 2009. I did a little bit of research and I found out that Hogan was also rumored to face either “Stone Cold” Steve Austin or John Cena. I think either one of those two opponents would have a great opponent for Hogan, but I think Hogan vs. Jericho would have been the most likely match. What if Hogan had a match with Jericho, Cena, or Stone Cold and the match was great? What if people enjoyed seeing Hogan at WrestleMania 25? Would we have seen Hogan return to the WWE full-time like he has returned to TNA full-time? I think Hogan likes TNA because the television tapings are close to his home, but maybe Hogan would have made occasional WWE appearances like Stone Cold does. It would have been interesting to see what the last few years of Hogan’s career would have looked like if he was able to appear at WrestleMania 25. Maybe he would still end up going to TNA, but maybe not.

[Well, let me tell you something, brother. Hulk Hogan is the greatest wrestling personality to ever live, brother. So if Hulk Hogan wants to face “Stone Cold” Steve Austin at Wrestlemania 25 and Steve Austin won’t accept the challenge because he doesn’t want to put the Hulkster over, then Wrestlemania 25 and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin can go fuck themselves, brother. If Hulk Hogan just signed a 20 year deal with Vince McMahon to use his likeness and Vince only cared about the intellectual property and not Hulk Hogan as a performer in the WWE, then Vince McMahon can go fuck himself, brother. If Hulk Hogan would have faced Chris Jericho at Wrestlemania 25 and got put into the Walls of Jericho, then Hulk Hogan’s spine would have shattered into a million motherfucking pieces, so Chris Jericho and Wrestlemania 25 can go fuck themselves, brother. In TNA, Hulk Hogan ain’t gotta do shit, brother. Hulk Hogan’s legendary status in our chosen genre of entertainment can afford him that right, brother. Hulk Hogan is still the biggest name in wrestling history, so if Hulk Hogan was still in the WWE then all of his Hulkamaniacs would cheer him so loud that CM Punk would become an afterthought, brother. Sure, Hulk Hogan can’t increase the Impact Wrestling ratings, brother, but if a tree falls down in the forest and no one was around to hear it, did it make a sound? Same fucking logic applies here, brother. So whatcha gonna do, when the power of Hulkamania run wild on you?]

[Wait… what the fuck just happened? I must have blacked out for a second. Moving on…]

What if the Daniel Bryan tie-choking incident never happened?

On June 7, 2010, the Nexus beat up John Cena during his match with CM Punk on RAW. The incident was known as the Nexus Invasion. During the Invasion, Nexus member Daniel Bryan choked ring announcer Justin Roberts with his tie. Daniel Bryan was released from the WWE after that and the Nexus said that he decided to leave the group because he felt remorse for his actions. Two months later, Daniel Bryan made his WWE return at SummerSlam. Since his return, Daniel Bryan has won the United States Championship and held it for 176 days. He also became the 2011 Smackdown Money In The Bank winner. When Daniel Bryan got released after he choked Roberts with his tie, I thought it was something Daniel Bryan would go on to regret for the rest of his career. Instead, it might have been one of the best things to happen to him. Take a look at what the other seven original Nexus members have done in the WWE since the Nexus Invasion:

Wade Barrett- His biggest accomplishment was winning the Intercontinental Championship and holding on to it for 89 days. Wade has had a few WWE Championship matches and several Pay-Per-View matches, but he really hasn’t accomplished much in the WWE so far.

David Otunga- He is a two-time WWE Tag Team Champion, but he has very few accomplishments other than that.

Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater- These two have won the Tag Team Championships three times and appeared in the 2011 Smackdown Money In The Bank match. However, neither of them have had any success as single stars.

Darren Young, Skip Sheffield, and Michael Tarver- All three of them have not won a WWE championship and all of them currently do not have an active role on Smackdown or RAW. Tarver was released from the WWE on June 13, 2011, Young is a contestant on NXT Redemption and Sheffield has been recovering from injuries. He broke his ankle at a WWE house show on August 18, 2010.

The other seven original Nexus members have not been as successful as Daniel Bryan. Maybe Daniel Bryan would have still emerged as the most successful Nexus member even if he didn’t pre-maturely leave the group, but things have turned out great for Daniel Bryan ever since he left the Nexus.

[Before making his WWE debut, I always used to hear about Brian Danielson, but I didn’t understand what the hype was all about until I looked into some of his work during his stint with Ring Of Honor and was impressed with what I saw. He was a throwback type of wrestler the likes of a Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko and Chris Jericho. In the ring he could do a little bit of everything with submission wrestling and a strong mat based technical prowness being the strongest aspects of his game. With rumors of a run in the WWE, I started to become excited for the future of the company considering that they were relying too heavily on style rather than substance. When Bryan made his debut on the first season of NXT, I was extremely disappointed with the way they handled his character. I understood that he was a rookie and has going to be subjected to some hazing, but the way they presented Bryan was fucking ridiculous. He lost just about every single match he was in and it sure as hell didn’t help when Michael Cole started to rip on him hardcore during his NXT commentary.]

[I knew WWE was trying to send the message that even if you’re a legend in the independent wrestling scene that has over 10 years of experience in the business, you really aint shit until you are in the WWE, but the way they went about it was more childish than Gambino. Even though I felt the company mishandled his debut, I thought everything turned around when Daniel Bryan started feuding with his NXT pro, The Miz and his butt buddy, Michael Cole. When he was giving the opportunity to cut a promo on Cole and then display his more aggressive side by beating his ass, I was excited for what was to come. It seemed that the hazing was finally over and WWE fans were about to be treated to something truly special. Shortly after the first season of NXT came to an end, Bryan, along with his NXT cronies, invaded RAW in one of the most memorable moments in recent WWE history. The future was now in motion and there was no way in hell the WWE could have possibly fucked this up, right?]

[Well, they did fuck it up. The debut of the Nexus was supposed to be about rebellious renegade NXT rookies wrecking up shop and not giving a fuck. They were rebelling against the establishment that tried to hold them back and embarrassed them week after week on NXT. They destroyed everything and everyone in sight and it was fucking amazing. Nexus should have remained a dominant force for more than a year with the momentum they gained upon their debut, but as rumors have it, WWE sponsors, namely Mattel, were not pleased with the non PG attack they witness and in order to appease the people providing the money, WWE used Daniel Bryan as a scapegoat for their actions and fired him for DOING HIS FUCKING JOB THE WAY HE WAS FUCKING ASKED TO DO IT! That’s some bullshit right there. While the Nexus went on to have a good few months as a dominant stable, in the long run, they became a failure due to mismanagement and bad booking. With that being said, the highlight of their debut, at least to me, will forever be the way Daniel displayed leadership skills and outshined Wade Barrett by not only choking out Justin Roberts with his own fucking tie, but getting all up in John Cena’s face, spitting on him, letting the world know that Cena was not better than him then nearly kicking his motherfucking head off. Daniel should have gone on to wrestling immortality, instead he was sent packing to the nearest high school gyms and bingo halls of the independent wrestling scene.]

[If he would have never gotten fired, I guarantee that he would have built upon his claim of being better than Cena and everybody else for that matter. He would have become the leader of the Nexus and would have more than likely been WWE Champion by now. Instead, he came back and won a midcard title and a Money In The Bank briefcase, not because he was such a wrestling badass, but because his character was in desperate need of a boost. When I look at Daniel now, all I see is a guy that is struggling to define who he is. He’s gone on to lose almost every single match since winning Money In The Bank and to me, he now poses no legit threat to the World Heavyweight Championship. Getting fired did alot of damage to the progression of Daniel Bryan’s career. While he’s gone on to some moderate success as a tie loving, vegan virgin type nerd, I still feel that he could have done a whole hell of a lot better if given the opportunity to flourish as one of the top heels in the business. Oh well.] 

What if Chris Jericho never met Lance Storm?

In his first book, Chris Jericho wrote that when he was 19 years old, he attended the Hart Brother’s Pro Wrestling Camp. Jericho decided he wanted to be a professional wrestler and he thought that attending the camp would get him closer to his dream. Jericho wrote that when he arrived at the camp, everybody he saw there was out-of-shape and didn’t seem to be taking the camp seriously. They were attending the camp for fun just so they could pretend to be wrestlers for a few weeks, but Jericho was there because he really wanted a career in pro wrestling. Then Jericho saw Lance Storm and Storm was the only person other than Jericho who was in great shape and really wanted to be a professional wrestler. Jericho and Storm worked together a lot during the camp and Jericho has said that if he didn’t meet Storm and if Storm didn’t meet Jericho, neither one of them would have become a successful pro wrestler.

When I first read that Jericho thought he would be nothing without Storm, I thought Jericho was wrong. I was thinking, “Jericho is one of the greatest wrestlers of all-time! He would have found his way into the WWE even without Lance Storm.” Then I put myself in Jericho’s shoes and realized he was right. What if I really wanted to be a circus clown so I attended clown camp? Then when I got there, what if I noticed that everybody there was there just to have fun and I was the only one who was seriously thinking about being a clown for real? Or what if I went to astronaut camp and I was the only one that really wanted to be an astronaut? I think I would have been embarrassed. I’m trying to convince myself that this camp can get me closer to my dream and everybody else is having fun while I’m being very serious. The camp would have been miserable for Jericho if Storm wasn’t there. He would have been working with other campers who had no desire to have a career as a pro wrestler. Jericho needed to hang out with someone who was chasing the same dream he was chasing and it really helped get Jericho to where he is today. So what if Jericho didn’t meet Lance Storm? Jericho has many talents and one of them is singing, so I think Jericho would probably be a full-time singer like he is now. With all of his focus completely on singing, maybe he would have been a huge rock star by now with several Grammy awards.

Maybe Jericho was wrong about needing Lance Storm to become a pro wrestler. Maybe Jericho would have continued to try to be a wrestler even if he didn’t meet Storm. Or maybe not. Jericho is a smart guy and had a few other career options (including working in the media as a broadcaster or a writer) so maybe he would have decided to put his pursuit of a wrestling career on hold to make sure he had a Plan B and then never again try to become a wrestler. Fortunately, he did meet Lance Storm, and while he’s not wrestling right now, hopefully he will re-join the WWE in the near future.

[Before enrolling at the Hart Brothers Pro Wrestling Camp, and at the advise of Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Jericho got a degree in Creative Communication. If things wouldn’t have worked at the wrestling camp and he had to give up on his dream of becoming a professional wrestler, then there is no doubt in my mind that Jericho would have put his freshly earned degree to good use. He would have went on to do whatever the hell a Creative Communicator does and the Chris Jericho we all know and love would have never existed. I seriously doubt that he would have went on to become a singer either since his time in wrestling  made him a household name and gave him the taste for worldwide travel which made it a whole hell of a lot easier for him to start his rock band. Personally, I’m glad everything worked out the way it did and Lance Storm was there to keep Jericho interested in a career in professional wrestling, considering that he went on to become one of the best wrestlers of all time and all.]

What if Hade Vansen was not released before his WWE debut?

On December 12, 2008, something weird happened during a WWE Smackdown broadcast. In the middle of the show, Smackdown started experiencing technical difficulties and then a man who I had never seen before in the WWE appeared on the screen. The man started talking and when he was finished, the screen cut back to Smackdown. That vignette frightened me a little bit because I wasn’t sure if it was real or not. This happened before I was an Internet wrestling fan, so I didn’t immediately check the wrestling sites to find out who he was. At first, I thought it was something the WWE did and I was thinking that they did a really good job making me believe that it was real. So I waited for the mysterious man to show up on Smackdown again, but he never did. Then I started thinking the incident WAS real because why would the WWE do a vignette about a guy and then never show the guy again? To be honest, I thought he was some guy who hacked into the Smackdown broadcast or something like that. For years, I never knew the details about that incident until just about a week ago when I decided to do some research about it. What I found out is that the mysterious guy’s name is Hade Vansen and he was a former WWE talent, not a hacker. Based on the research I did on him, the rumors were that he was going to feud with The Undertaker, but Vince McMahon didn’t want an unproven developmental talent in a major feud with The Undertaker. I also read a rumor that Vince saw Vansen backstage during a Smackdown event and decided Vansen was too small. Vansen is 5 feet 11 inches tall and weighs 220 pounds. Vansen was released on January 9, 2009.

The Vansen vignette that aired on that Smackdown episode was amazing. Like I said, it felt real. I assume Vansen was referring to The Undertaker in his promo, but when I first saw it, I thought it might have been real, so I got scared when he said, “Your annihilation will not be in vain” because I thought he was referring to the human population. I really thought he was some kind of terrorist who somehow hacked into the WWE Smackdown broadcast and revealed his plans of destroying the planet. I eventually realized it wasn’t a real threat because nothing happened, but I still was confused about it until I just recently researched it. I realize now that if it was real, it would have been a huge news story, but I still wanted to know what the hell that was. I started wondering if I imagined it or maybe I was the only one who saw it, so that’s why I decided to research it after years of curiosity and finally find out the details behind that mysterious Smackdown interruption. It’s good thing I’m an IWC fan now so the WWE can’t trick me with that shit anymore. If I wasn’t an IWC fan, maybe the 2-21-11 vignette would have frightened me too.

What if Vansen wasn’t released? What if Vansen actually made his official WWE debut? I think he would have been an interesting guy. I loved the dark storylines the WWE used to do and this would have been very dark I think. It’s too bad the WWE didn’t give Vansen a chance because I love that vignette and I would have loved to see what Vansen’s gimmick would have looked like.

[Hade Vansen personifies the meaning of an Epic Fail. I too saw that vignette when it first aired and was interested in seeing what it was going to develop into. As we all know, it didn’t develop into a damn motherfucking thing and Vansen was future endeavoured before he could make his television debut. From what I read, he was supposed to debut with a vampire type of gimmick and feud with The Undertaker. The problem with that would have been that the Twilight movies were going mainstream at the time and anything associated with vampires was now automatically gay as a result. I have since viewed pictures of this Vansen character and there is no doubt in my mind that The Undertaker would have fucking destroyed him. Maybe it’s for the best that we never got to witness Vansen in action since wrestlers of Indian descent never fare very well to begin with. Just look at Jinder Mahal.]

I hope you enjoyed What If part 5. I’m not sure right now if there will be a part 6. I probably will write part 6 someday, but you might have to wait a few more months for it.

[Before I bring this to a close, I would like to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!!! This has been Tony Kegger and THE INFAMOUS JCITY™, signing off….]

  1. November 23, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Looks awesome Tony! I only read half, going sleep now will read rest tomorrow.

  2. Chadam
    November 23, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    Brodus Clay might go the way of Hade Vansen. It’s been like 4 weeks now with no explanation. Although it is nice to see that that WWE booking dropping plans isn’t a new thing. At least they are consistent with their inconsistency.

    • November 23, 2011 at 7:48 pm

      At least Brodus Clay has actually been in a WWE ring. His career is like five times better than Vansen’s career.

      • November 23, 2011 at 11:37 pm

        I feel Brodus might get future endevoured soon. Unless he comes back and attacks John Gingivitis for delaying his return. He would go over huge as a face if he did so and as long as they make him a dominant big guy the likes of a Mark Henry then he should have a good career. I doubt WWE goes that route though.

  3. November 23, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    This column was submitted to JCITY on August 27. Back then, I had no idea it would be nearly 3 months till it was published but I’m so happy to see it finally posted. JCITY wrote me via email back on September 1 that he would work on it during the weekend but we all know that never happened like JCITY planned. I always hoped it would be posted eventually which is why I never leaked it to the public during JCITY’s “time off”.

    The truth is that this column was inspired by Shaman’s Harvest’s epic R-Truth interview. I can be competitive so seeing Shaman’s epic column inspired me to write something epic myself. It had been 2 months since the last What If and I had no immediate plans of doing a Part 5 before reading Shaman’s interview. So I went from not planning on writing another What If to submitting What If Part 5 in just two days. This is my response to the R-Truth interview…three months later…lol. The funny thing is that about week later, the R-Truth interview was outdone by something more epic. Not from me but from Shaman himself when his Alberto Del Rio true story was published.

    I finished this just over a month after Daniel Bryan won Money in the Bank so at the time, I felt good about where he was at in his career. I’m not sure if I would feel the same way today. I liked reading what JCITY wrote about Daniel Bryan. Interesting theory but I think Wade Barrett would have remained as the leader of Nexus. After reading this, I realized Daniel Bryan hasn’t had much interaction with John Cena since the Nexus Invasion. Maybe they might have a feud when the time is right.

    • November 23, 2011 at 11:43 pm

      Yeah, because my Matt Hardy suicide letter wasn’t more epic then both of those posts combined. Kidding, I really don’t care who has the best of posts as long as the people know that you can find some good shit in the archives. That’s all I really care about. Between us all there are a few epic posts that can go against some of the best things ever written in the history of the IWC. I just wish more people were exposed to it.

      I also feel that Daniel Bryan was more of a dominant leader type during the Nexus invasion and if he wasn’t the leader then the Nexus would have had a power struggle within the group so instead of being buried by John Cena, Wade and Daniel could have played off each other and been better off for it. The Nexus would have lasted a whole hell of a lot longer, that’s for sure.

      I know it took a while to finally post it, but I hope I did the finish product some justice. The next one will be posted a whole hell of a lot faster, lol.

  4. November 23, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    By the way, if I do a “What If Part 6”, it will most likely involve future What Ifs (e.g. “What If Cena Turns Heel”).

    • Chadam
      November 23, 2011 at 9:35 pm

      you could do a whole column on all the Cena what if’s. Would list some but not sure what ideas you have and don’t want to inadvertently give it away.

      • November 23, 2011 at 11:47 pm

        I’ve seen some of your work on Tony’s blog and think you are a very creative writer that thinks outside of the box. There’s always room in The Infamous Crew™ for new members if your interested.

        As for What If’s set in the future, it’s all good. While talking about things that already happened and how they might have turned out different is a good way too go, if the What If’s are set in the future or just generally random What Ifs then it gives us room to explore some fantasy booking and make our own scenarios. Either way I’m down for more collaborations if you wish.

        • Chadam
          November 24, 2011 at 2:58 am

          Thanks, that means a lot coming from you. I would be interested in writing for the Crew although I haven’t been able to write much lately, I started a column a few months back and been swamped with school and every day obstacles since and haven’t been able to get a good head of steam behind it.

          • November 29, 2011 at 5:24 am

            It’s all good. The doors are ALWAYS opened for guest spots and collaborations.

      • November 24, 2011 at 12:38 am

        Email me your ideas!


        • November 29, 2011 at 5:29 am

          if you guys want to brainstorm ideas and work on something together that might lead to some epic posts in the future. Just something to keep in mind.

  5. Capt. Smooth
    November 23, 2011 at 10:46 pm

    Glad to see this back, guys!

    I forgot about Hade Vansen.

    • November 23, 2011 at 11:50 pm

      Glad you enjoyed it. I had people ask me about the next installment in this particular series, it’s just too bad they had to wait so long. Shit happens though. My bad.

      • Capt. Smooth
        November 23, 2011 at 11:56 pm

        I remember there was going to be a “100,000 hits” column before your “vacation”.

        I had just done the interview as well and was in line for a push on this site! lol

        • November 24, 2011 at 12:09 am

          Your right. I still think I have half of what would have been that post in my drafts. Too late to post it now though. I think I also have a TKO album review that was about 85% done. I should find that and post it soon before I forget…

          • Capt. Smooth
            November 24, 2011 at 10:40 am

            You’re rounding up on 150,000, so that would make sense.

            • November 29, 2011 at 5:31 am

              That’s such an uneventful number though. After 100,000 comes 250,000. Then 500,000. Then *Dr. Evil voice* One Million Dollars… wait what?

              • Capt. Smooth
                November 29, 2011 at 6:53 am

                No, it’s… One Hundred Billion Dollars!

  6. November 24, 2011 at 12:51 am

    LMAO @ your title for the Jericho/Storm picture: “Chris Jericho and Lance Storm naked in the woods PAUSE”.

    • Capt. Smooth
      November 24, 2011 at 10:42 am

      “Hairbands and Marines: A Love Story”

  7. November 24, 2011 at 8:59 am

    ‘More childish than gambino’

    Ahahaha, very clever JCITY dude!

    • November 29, 2011 at 5:34 am

      I didn’t think anyone would get that, lol.

      • November 29, 2011 at 6:36 pm

        Is that a Donald Brown reference?

        • November 30, 2011 at 12:07 am

          Donald Glover. His new album “Camp” is pretty tight. Will please hip hop fans and hipsters alike.

          • November 30, 2011 at 6:31 pm

            ugh…I knew I botched his name. I wanted to say “Donald Glover” but then I said to myself, “No you idiot…Donald Glover was the black guy from Angels in the Outfield”.

            • November 30, 2011 at 11:55 pm

              Lol, Danny Glover is the one that took a shit in Tracy Morgan’s hand in “Death At A Funeral”.

              • December 2, 2011 at 7:48 pm

                ha…forgot he was in that movie! He was in the first SAW movie too!

                • Capt. Smooth
                  December 2, 2011 at 7:52 pm

                  I remember him in that.

  8. November 24, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    I think I have an idea for you, Tony. I will send it but gotta think if it will work first.

  9. Diggers
    November 24, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    Great read

    • November 29, 2011 at 5:40 am

      Thanks. And my Anger Management Councillor says I don’t play well with others, HA!

  10. Rob
    November 25, 2011 at 12:18 am

    It’s been a while since I have seen one of these and I love it. You guys make a great team. HappyThanksgiving everyone.

    • November 29, 2011 at 5:45 am

      Thanks. Hope you had a good turkey day 2. I was too fucked up to really remember if I did…

  11. November 25, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    What if Colt Cabana was never mentioned by CM Punk on that shoot promo?

    • Capt. Smooth
      November 25, 2011 at 2:34 pm

      The IWC wouldn’t have jizzed as much.

    • November 29, 2011 at 5:46 am

      The world would have remained the same since nothing really came out of that. CM Punk could have gave anybody that shoutout and had the same effect.

  12. Shaman's Harvest
    November 26, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    I am the harvester of all cocks and the lord of the cock rings.

  13. November 26, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    Ray the Rambler :
    What if Colt Cabana was never mentioned by CM Punk on that shoot promo?

    Then New York wouldn’t have started a Colt Cabana chant that was four months too late.

  14. Capt. Smooth
    November 27, 2011 at 6:48 pm


  15. Capt. Smooth
    November 27, 2011 at 6:48 pm
    • Chadam
      November 27, 2011 at 8:36 pm

      wow, how did they miss something that obvious?

      • November 27, 2011 at 9:19 pm

        the funny thing is that I have no idea what that is supposed to be!

        • Chadam
          November 28, 2011 at 12:03 am

          WWE has pulled the shirt.

          • Capt. Smooth
            November 28, 2011 at 6:49 am

            I’m glad that’s the only thing they decided to pull.

  16. November 29, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    RIP Patrice O’Neal….he was on the Charlie Sheen roast earlier this year and was the former host of Web Junk 20. Dead at the age of 41.

    • Capt. Smooth
      November 29, 2011 at 6:56 pm

      I just saw him on the roast over the weekend. RIP

      • November 29, 2011 at 7:03 pm

        He’s also a former WWE writer. I did not know that. No wonder RAW is awful now…it was probably better when he was on the staff.

        • Capt. Smooth
          November 29, 2011 at 7:07 pm

          RAW’s fine.

          • November 29, 2011 at 7:09 pm

            It’s alright but 2000-2002 was better.

            • November 30, 2011 at 12:08 am

              I never knew he wrote for WWE. Interesting. Comedy Central will air his most recent stand up special Thursday night. Will catch that on the DVR.


  17. November 29, 2011 at 11:26 pm

    Thank you for your thoughtful present of having written this article. The message seems to be given to me specifically. Our son also had a lot to learn from this – though he was the individual that found your site first. Most of us can’t imagine a more superb present than a gift to encourage that you do more.

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