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THE REAL RAW SHYT: My Brief Thoughts On Monday Night RAW 1/2/12 + The End Of The World As We Know It? I Guess It Was + The Outsider: Monday Night RAW Review… Triple Threat RAW Review Edition

THE REAL RAW SHYT: My Brief Thoughts On Monday Night RAW 1/2/12


[Editors Note: I guess the stars must have aligned because I finally decide to write about Monday Night RAW and to my surprise I already had a Monday Night RAW review by Alan in my inbox. Not only that, but Shaman’s Harvest decided he wanted to add his two cents on Chris Jericho’s WWE return. Instead of posting three different blogs on Monday Night RAW, I decided to add Alan and Shaman’s thoughts on the show to my Monday Night RAW Review. What would have been an epic blog on its own has become a Triple Threat of epic proportions. Things couldn’t have worked out better. This may not be the “premiere read” in the IWC, but it sure as hell is THE REAL RAW SHYT!]

With so much hype going into the January 2, 2012 edition of Monday Night RAW, there was no way in hell that I was going to miss it. I know I said I was never going to review wrestling shows ever again, but with the return of a major WWE Superstar and a WWE Champion Match, it was hard not to formula some kind of opinion and put it out there for mass consumption. As of this moment, this will be the only time I offer brief thoughts on any WWE show. I might bring this format back in the future if there is a demand for it, but for the most part, I’ve outgrown these reviews. When you write about the same thing week after week it becomes too fucking easy to become repetitive. There is only so many times I can say a match sucks, a match was good, the Divas never get a chance to shine, go into details about my fantasy of eating Kelly Kelly out from the back, my hatred for Santino Marella etc etc… So yeah, I decided to give some brief thought on this edition of RAW because I’m sure some of you will have an opinion on such a heavily hyped show and I would like you to be able to express yourself. We haven’t talked that REAL RAW SHYT in a long fucking time, so let’s get right to it. 

RAW opened with John Cena finally acknowledging that he has ovaries and a matching twat by admitting that he has lady parts. He also said that his New Year’s resolution is to wear less underwear and if and when he decides not to freeball it, he will wear something a little bit more adventurous. I don’t know about y’all, but the thought of John Cena parading around in thongs or a Tuggie is fucking repulsive. I’m sure there are some horny female Cenation members and/or fruity male fans that would love that image being embedded in their head, but I’m not down with that shit. This is not the way I wanted to kick off my wrestling coverage this year. I’m already regretting my decision to write about this show.

When Cena isn’t busy saying the corniest of all jokes and giving us more information than we should know regarding his choice of undergarments, he cuts the same crowd pandering promos he has been cutting for years now. We get it, half the crowd loves you while the other half hates your ass. It’s been that way since Cena was a wigger rapper from the suburbs of Massachusetts. Nothing has really changed since then when you really think about it. If I hear Cena say that the fans deserve to boo him if they want because they paid to be there and have the right to do whatever the fuck they want again, I’m going to FU my 42 inch LCD television set through my coffee table and then give it the People’s Elbow. Cena is just stating the obvious and I wish that he was given better material to work with because I’ve heard him cut better promos in the past.

Moving on, didn’t Daniel Bryan say he was going to shave his scraggly beard if and when he won the World Heavyweight Championship? I know Daniel Bryan is known for being a hypocrite and all, but I think he should actually go through with his promise and shave that shit of his face. His beard looks like a 70’s porn bush or a British armpit. Shave that shit already, damn.

Speaking of Bryan, while he is the World Heavyweight Champion, to me, he still comes off as a midcarder. Nothing about him screams World Championship material. I get that he has been a great wrestler in ROH and various independent wrestling promotions, but when it comes to the WWE, he really hasn’t proven much of anything. Michael Cole ripping on him every chance he gets doesn’t do Bryan any favors either. It just makes him look weak. Cody Rhodes on the other hand is someone who has worked his way up the WWE ladder and it’s been a joy to watch him develop into the Superstar he is today. I can’t wait for him to reach that proverbial top rung of the WWE ladder and earn the right to call himself the champion of the world. So yeah, Daniel and Cody had a match that I could only wish was longer. Daniel won via roll up in about 3 to 4 minutes. I was extremely disappointed in the length of the match as these two guys are fully capable of having a great match. I hope they are able to get a rematch on Smackdown because wrestling is actually given the chance to shine on the blue brand where RAW is more about the entertainment.

Backstage, John Gingivitis set up a match between The Miz and Sheamus, but Miz still had last weeks beatdown at the hands of R-Truth fresh in his mind. He feared that if he went to wrestle Sheamus, he was just going to end up being a sitting duck for another R- Truth beatdown. Miz was then shown walking out of John’s office, visibly upset at the Interim General Managers decision. As he was walking away he said that he wasn’t going to be no sitting duck. Truth was then shown and in comedic fashion he made a funky chicken gesture and screamed QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK.  It was corny as fuck, but Truth’s facial expressions made it work. I think R-Truth is about to get suspended again for being high on CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK though. Seriously, that motherfucker looks like a crack fiend. If drugs was a Karate class that motherfucker would be a black belt. I wouldn’t be surprised if R-Truth was Flavor Flav’s illegitimate love child.

Wade Barrett has alot to gain from being the one to put Randy Orton out of commission. He has the size, he can cut a good promo, and I think it’s only a matter of time before he focuses his attention towards the World Heavyweight Championship. So how does the hair gel loving Brit move up the ladder? He gets stuck in a match with Santino Marella of all people. It should be no secret that I fucking hate Santino Marella. The man is such a complete clown and in my opinion he has no business being in a WWE ring. I get that he can be funny and brings a few needed laughs to the program, but I really can do without it. I prefer serious promos and kick ass matches and as long as guys like Santino are around I will not be 100% satisfy with the WWE. I was glad when Wade beat Santino and the match was over. I would have had Wade Barrett injure Santino in order to keep his heat going as one of WWE’s most dangerous Superstars, but that’s the difference between me and monkeys over on the WWE Creative Writing Team.

I’ve just noticed that The Bella Twins are two of the most annoying bitches to ever live. Moving on…

After last week’s attack on The Miz I was still confused on the status of R-Truth. Was he a heel out for revenge on another heel or was he now a face? The reason I was confused was because his attack on The Miz was vicious and he didn’t do too much pandering to the crowd and we all know that Chicago is known to cheer heels from time to time. This week, it is obviously that Truth is now a face and I must say that I found his antics to be quite amusing when he was stalking The Miz backstage.

The Miz vs Sheamus match wasn’t really a match at all. Miz went on the attack before the bell even rang. For a second there it seemed like he had the upperhand until Sheamus had enough and started  fucking up The Miz before he ran into the crowd like a little bitch. R-Truth was in the crowd so The Miz went back to the ringside area where he was greeted with a Brogue Kick from Sheamus. Truth went on the attack, but seriously, somebody needs to get this guy something else to use as a weapon other than a fucking bottle of water. A can of soda might do a bit more damage and when all else fails glass bottles can easily get the job done. That whole segment was brought to you by Little Jimmy, where you will get got. I didn’t come up with that atrocious line so please spare me your negative comments. That came from the sativa loving R-Truth himself. If Truth keeps this up, the Little Jimmy’s are going to be this generations Hulkamaniacs, brother.

Backstage, Josh Matthews interviewed Dolph Ziggler. From standing on his head, to the words he said, it’s obvious that Ziggler is ready for the next level. Would it happen on this edition of Monday Night RAW. Read on and find out.

In another backstage segment, Jack Swagger confronted Zack Ryder who was with his new found bitch, Eve. Call me crazy, but I’m not really interested in seeing a feud develop between Zack Ryder and Jack Swagger. Both were jobbers mere months ago and now they are both low-level midcarders. Don’t let Ryder’s United States Championship fool you, he’s a LOW LEVEL MIDCARDER. He didn’t earn that belt by working his way up the roster and picking up wins, he got his shot by pandering to all the easily amused Little Jimmy’s on the Internet. Until he can string up a few legit victories, I will never take him serious as a in-ring competitor. As for Jack Swagger, his talent has been completely squandered in the WWE. I think his time has passed and I no longer give a shit about him, not that I ever did to begin with. Johnny Ace ended up making a tag match for later on in the show. Who the fuck does he think he is, Teddy Long?

It’s the top of the 10 o’clock hour and the WWE Championship match is up next? What the fuck? This should be the main event. Has the WWE lost all faith in CM Punk’s ability to draw in ratings that he can’t even have his championship match close out the show? Maybe it’s not that big deal to some, but I feel that the WWE Championship Match should always go last no matter what show or PPV it’s being defended on. It makes the title feel important and at the end of the day when everyone is aspiring to be the WWE Champion, isn’t that the whole point? Whatever. I’m sure this is going to be a great match.

As expected Ziggler and Punk went on to have a good match. One of my favorite parts was when Punk hit Ziggler with about 10 leg drops in a row. For the most part, these competitors seemed evenly matched. Punk’s downfall came when he exposed the top turnbuckle and Johnny Ace came out to put it back on. While the ref was attending to the turnbuckle, Punk locked Ziggler in the Anaconda Vice as Ziggler tapped out. Since the ref didn’t see it, the match went on. What happened next was fucking lame. Johnny Ace pulled down the top rope sending CM Punk crashing to the outside. Punk ended up being counted out as Ziggler took the WWE Championship and celebrated in the crowd with it. To say that I’m fucking disappointed would be an understatement. I really thought that Ziggler was going to win the WWE Championship due to the Interim RAW General Manager’s interference or the mysterious 1/2/12 guy showing up and costing Punk his championship. Instead, we get a bullshit finish. Lame. The only good thing that could come out this is if Ziggler and Punk have a straight up match for the title at the Royal Rumble without any interference. Their matches on television have been good so I wouldn’t mind seeing what they could bring to the table with more time and the atmosphere of a PPV event as their canvas.

The controversy of the WWE Championship Match was followed by a Diva’s match as Kelly Kelly and Eve faced off against the identical cock suckers, The Bella Twins. I thought it was cute how Kelly and Eve came out in matching wrestling attire. I bet they also share lip gloss, dildos and tampons. Anyways, I would so volunteer to be on the receiving end of Kelly Kelly rubbing her ass all up in her opponents face. I would lock her clitoris in the Crippler Crossface with my tongue and make her TAP like faucet water (get it? Because her pussy would get so wet and like faucet water is also known as tap water? No? Well, fuck you then!). As with most Diva matches, this shit was shorter than Hornswoggle’s dick. The twins pulled off their “Twin Magic” and picked up the win. Blah.

I thought it was hilarious when CM Punk promised to go to jail for animal cruelty for beating John Gingivitis like a bitch if he tried to screw him out his WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble when John gave Dolph another shot at the PPV and appointed himself as the Special Guest Referee.

BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!!!!!!! JERICHO IS BACK IN THE WWE BITCHES!!!!!! FUCK YES!!!!!!! WELCOME BACK Y2J!!!!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT, MAN, I’M TOTALLY MARKING THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!! I knew Jericho was coming back, you knew Jericho was coming back, hell, the whole fucking IWC knew Jericho was fucking coming back, but that doesn’t take away the electricity I felt when the lights went off and this Dancing With The Stars reject came waltzing back to the WWE in his lightbright jacket. Jericho seemed happy as fuck to have come back and seemed to be playing the face role, which is weird considering that all of the “It Begins” videos were extremely dark and tailor-made for a heel Jericho. You know what though? I really don’t give a fuck if he is a face or a heel. Jericho is Jericho no matter what role he plays and by that I mean that he’s the fucking best at what he does no matter the fucking situation, so either way I’m just glad that he’s back where he belongs. I do think this was all a farce though and he is going to end up turning heel sooner rather than later, but I’m not a fucking physic so I can’t say for sure. One thing is for sure though, business is about to pick up. JERICHO IS FUCKING BACK!!!!!! How fucking cool is that?

After the return of Y2J, I no longer felt like watching the rest of the show since there was nothing else that could have kept me interested. Even though Jericho’s return was awesome, a part of me is still disappointed that he didn’t come back as a heel and truly brought upon the end of the world. Instead, we got a happy-go-lucky Jericho that looked like he just came from the local bar’s Happy Hour, but enough of me trying to find faults in such a good moment in WWE history. The next match was a 3 on 3 Elimination Match between Zack Ryder, Big Show and John Cena vs Jack Swagger, Mark Henry and Kane. Except Kane didn’t want to wrestle so the match went on as an Elimination Handicap Match and just like I suspected John Cena got the win for his team. Yawn.

After the match, Kane broke through from under the ring and attacked Zack Ryder while Cena was walking up the ramp anticipating Kane’s arrival. When Cena turned around and went to help his Broski, he ended up getting fucked up. Kane then focused his attention back on Zack Ryder and dragged him straight to the depths of hell… or so I thought. Cena made the save because there is nothing more terrifying than the bottom of a wrestling ring.

Final Thoughts

Other than the return of Chris Jericho, this episode of RAW was kinda wack. Even Jericho’s return seemed like it was missing something. I don’t know why they would waste so much time building up the return of someone who was coming back to take what was rightfully his and bring forth the end of the world just to have Jericho come out and pander to the crowd. Also, why the fuck wouldn’t the best talker in the world not be given a chance to formally address the fans? Jericho’s little lightbright jacket also made him look like the gayest most unintimidating Superstar in the history of the WWE. I thought that segment should have gone waaaaaaay differently than it did, but Jericho is back, so fuck it. I’ll wait and see what will become of his return before I completely take a shit on it.

Also, no signs of Brodus Clay. I thought this week was the week he finally showed up, but no dice. If I was him I would just start looking for work elsewhere because it’s clear that the WWE has no idea what they are going to do with him. At this point I kinda feel bad for him and if he does come back and attacks Johnny Ace for keeping him on the backburner then I will mark out because Johnny boy deserves to feel the wrath of a frustrated Brodus Clay.

The ending of the Ziggler vs CM Punk match was crap, the main event sucked, the Diva’s match was longer than the Cody Rhodes vs Daniel Bryan match and Sheamus vs Miz wasn’t a match at all. If it wasn’t for the antics of Kane, R-Truth and a returning Chris Jericho, I would have demanded to get the two hours back that I wasted watching this bullshit. Then they wonder why the ratings are in the crapper.


The End Of The World As We Know It? I Guess It Was

by Shaman’s Harvest

To no one’s surprise (seriously, it’s hard to be surprised when they show Y2J signs in the crowd before he comes out), Chris Jericho returned during Monday Night Raw. For a while now, we’ve seen promos advertising the end of the world, and “It Begins” 2012 propaganda using creepy looking school kids. I was never interested in trying to analyze the promos because honestly, I don’t care what they mean, but all along everyone knew they were meant for the return of Chris Jericho (or Undertaker by some). I was pretty damn excited for Jericho’s return, and with good reason because he was consistently one of WWE’s best performers since his second coming.

I was expecting one hell of a return promo from Jericho, face or heel, but that’s not what I got…that’s not what we got. What we got was one of the worst returns in World Wrestling Entertainment history. Instead of the great Chris Jericho, out came a man who is clearly struggling with his sexuality. Chris Jericho did all but come out with Orlando Jordan, as with skin-tight leather pants, a Christmas light jacket, and newly plucked eyebrows, “The Best in the World at What he Does” put a new meaning to the phrase “gay and proud” on Raw.

Appearance aside, I was expecting to hear the promo master at work, but instead we heard…nothing. Chris Jericho, being the glory hound he is, stood there running around the ring and smiling for damn near ten minutes, only taking breaks to adjust this thong and scream “baby baby baby oooooh,” or something to that effect. This didn’t work because the crowd clearly wasn’t as into it as Jericho and WWE management thought they would be. Jericho’s good, but he’s not The Rock. If they were expecting a 10 minute standing ovation, they were sadly mistaken. This isn’t a concert Jericho, this isn’t a good heel tactic either. I could come out and do the exact same thing and get booed. Does that make me a good heel? No.

Now before you go doing your “You have to analyze the situation, it was brilliant hur hur hur” horse shit, I understand that he did it to mock us and show us how we all pander to these silly face tactics like running around the ring and screaming. These are all ways CM Punk gets the crowd behind him, and this was Jericho’s way of showing how easy to manipulate we all are. I caught onto that and most of the crowd caught onto that before he left. But the thing is, it didn’t work. There was absolutely nothing entertaining about what Jericho did.

It’s a slap in the face of us fans to hype his return for weeks, only to have a pathetic return like that. While some of the fans can see how this makes sense going forward and like to feel smart analyzing deeper meanings to it (if Monday Night Raw is the type of stuff you analyze for deeper meanings, you need to go back to school or something) the younger, and the majority of the WWE Universe for that matter, likely just sat there bored wondering what the hell was going on.

This wasn’t a heel tactic that worked. Just because I hated his return doesn’t mean he has me right where he wants me. Heel or face, it doesn’t matter to me, and it probably doesn’t matter to a lot of you. The performer, or in this case, the performance of a Superstar in their particular role dictates how good they are, and there wasn’t anything good about this performance.

This isn’t going to make me boo Jericho, all this will do is make me annoyed with him until he gets back on his game and starts to go head to head with Punk. It will be a great feud that started off very poorly. Jericho came in with tons of hype and let everybody down tonight. This is WWE, the E standing for Entertainment. There is a way to do what they tried to accomplish on Raw without wasting everyone’s time and disappointing people.

The end of the world did come during the second day of 2012. It has to be the end of the world when someone who used calls himself “The Best in the World at What he Does” provides his fans with such an awful return. The first Raw of 2012 won’t be remembered as Y2J’s return, it will be remembered for the “Vickie’s sexy” chant during the Punk/Ziggler match.

The Outsider: Monday Night Raw Review

by Alan

Hello dudes! My name is Alan and I’m so amazing! Now, I haven’t watched WWE since baggy pants were cool and Dolly The Sheep didn’t have sister, but I’m here to give you guys an outside look at the WWE. But enough about me; I would like to welcome you to the first ever Outsider Review of Monday Nitro! Err… The first ever Outsider Review of WWF RAW is WAR! Umm, the first ever Outsider Review of WWE Monday Night Raw! What? That’s not the name either? Aww, forget it…

Tonight’s show started with this video of this big large red guy that seems to have some serious mental issues. This dude here really likes the color red for some reason. He also seems incapable of putting together a sentence without taking a couple of seconds to breathe in-between every few words. Oh, and he’s wearing some mask on his face. Maybe he’s just really ugly or something. Can you say weirdo? Ahaha. Anyways, this dude talks for a couple of minutes and all the people start chanting, making John Cena feel bad about himself.

Now the show really begins!…

John Cena walks down to the ring, with a nervous look on his face. Maybe he’s worried about forgetting his lines. John starts talking really really low and then he gets really really loud for some reason. How obnoxious bro! John lists off some of his New Year’s resolution that happen to include changing up his style and punching the tooth fairy guy in the face. Well, that’s just unpleasant! John says the one thing he won’t give up on is his values this year: Hustle Loyalty & Respect – I can dig that! He then starts trying to kiss the fans ass, but we know he really doesn’t care about us, ahaha. After that, John was about tell us how he was going to start the year off for us, but then the big red guy interrupts him! These wrastlers’ are just plain rude!

I’m not really sure what happened next. I think my TV may have been hacked into by the Russian Mafia or something because it started to cut up and then this weird message came up saying ‘The End Is Tonight’. Oh No! I knew I should have paid Agata back!

I took a couple of minutes to reassure myself that I’m a better asset to the Mafia alive than dead while the commercials where on. When Raw came back, this really weird-looking dude comes to the ring with a belt around his waist and beard around his face. This bro has no swag, ahahaha. Next out, The American Dream! Woah dude, I could have sworn this guy would have been in his sixties by now, but he must have found the fountain of youth. The match featured a lot of kicking and pulling by Daniel Byran. One of the announcers said how can you take this Daniel dude seriously and I must agree. He’s wearing red shoes! Woah dude! The American Dream picks up Daniel Byran and throws him face first on the turnbuckle pads! Ouch! However; Byran would be a sneaky little fellow and roll up the Dream. Twenty minutes into the show and the bro that is announcing the show is already nerve wrecking! His squeaky voice is just unbearable.

We go to an undisclosed location to meet the most awesome dude ever: THE MIZ! He was so awesome when he was on The Real World, he just has to be awesome in the WWE! But, once again, I’m proven wrong. The Miz stabbed his bestfriend in the back and storms out of the Man in the Suit’s office. Then this scary looking guy, the one The Miz stabbed in the back, jumps up out of nowhere and starts to dance like a chicken! How cool!

Back after a break to see a video about these two guys wrastlin’ in an elevator! Now how cray is that shit?! Wade Barrett, I believe his name is, tells us that he really does not care about us. At least he’s honest. He talks to us about how he now has his goals set on beating 30 guys asses in one night. Pause. Unfortunately, he could not continue as this real fruity guy interrupts him and starts doing his exercises on TV! Does he have no regard for the viewers? Ahaha, this dude is kind of funny as he starts making some strange noises. I don’t see how that qualifies him to be a wrestler though… I can do that too! Meow. Meow. Anyways, these two dudes start fighting, but it would only last a few seconds as Wade Barrett would just dominate Santino.

Backstage we go to see these two really hot dudettes talking, but what they were saying I couldn’t tell you. I’m not afraid to admit I was more interested in their breasts than their words, ahaha. The Miz says he’s trying to find the Truth, but to be honest Miz, I don’t think you can find ‘the Truth.’ The truth lies inside all of us and the only way to pull it out is extremely painful. Wow! I almost peed in my pants when R-Truth jumped out from nowhere. He told me not to tell Miz where he was hiding at and I said ‘I won’t tell if you won’t’. Ahaha.

GINGER ALERT! GINGER ALERT! GINGER ALERT! Well, I be damned! There’s a ginger wrestlin’ on my TV screen.  He also has obviously never been outside before. Anyways, The Miz went all jerk mode on the Sheamus! He attacked him before he ref ranged the bell! THAT IS AGAINST THE RULES! The Miz would turn into a big coward and run into the stands where R-Truth would be waiting at. The Miz was looking all over the place for him, but I promised R-Truth I wouldn’t tell Miz where he was hiding at. Truth emerges with his imaginary friend to beat his butt! The Miz gets got like leftover chicken wings at the dry cleaner and R-Truth would emerge victorious! Awesome bro!

We come back from commercial to see only this bro’s legs. Maybe he lost the rest of his body in a cheese grader incident. Well, it turns out that he does have the rest of his body, but he just likes to stand on his hands. Once he gets upright, he turns into a cocky bro. Calling out America on our mistakes and what not. Just rude! Thankfully, we are saved by my broseph, Zack Ryder. He be getting it on with his lady fellow right in front of the camera! But like I always say, a bro gots to do what a bro gots to do! Aww, my broski gets interrupted by Jack Swagg-less. (See what I did there? Ahaha) After a couple of mean insults, Swagg-less tells Ryder he’s going to take his championship and his girl. But that failed worse than my mama’s birth control and papa’s condom did the night I was made because the Man in the Suit would stop this nonsense. Thank goodness bro.

Time for the CM Punk to kick some ass! In honor of the greatness of CM Punk, I’m going to have myself some Crown Royal and Coke! These two have one hell of a slobberknocker! Maybe it’s my hearing, but for some reason I kept hearing this annoying voice scream throughout the whole match. I was all like, bro… chill with that, ahaha. After a short commercial break, we come back to see these two dudes doing what they do best: Wrastlin’! What a great match this would have been with these guys just kicking out every chance they got! I thought for sure this match would end up being the greatest of all time until the Man in the Suit had to get his face on the camera. He complained to the umpire about the turnbuckle being put on wrong, but I think he’s just a big drama queen. After a bunch of events that transpired behind the umpires back, Punk gets tossed out of the ring by Ziggles! Ziggles then steals his championship belt and runs into the crowd! Do these wrestlers just have no regard for each other’s feeling and for the law? Stealing is against the law bro and it’s just plain mean!

Ooh la la! The hot girls that were just with The Miz are now here to fight! I could only admire their beauty for a couple of seconds when the most stunning women I have ever seen come out! How beautiful! A catfight ensued with the blonde giving one of the girls a lap dance in her face. Hot. Ahaha, sadly, I feared that I would miss this match as my girlfriend wanted to have hot, passionate sex. But don’t worry bro, it only takes me twenty seconds to make love and then I’m done! Ahaha, back to the match. Wait… The match is over?!? That soon? What da hell! The WWE needs to give these ladies more time to strut their stuff.

Then there’s this dude that looked like he’s the love child of Queen Latifah and Bon Jovi. He’s wearing a purple sweater vest and an off colored tie. He also appears to be the Man in the Suit’s assistance. His swagger level on a scale of 1 to 10? Negative 4. Punk goes all bad ass on these two bros telling them to shut their mouths. After watching this wrastlin’ show for an hour, I can safely say that CM Punk is my fav by far. CM Punk really just don’t give a shit, he just does what he wants. After telling these two losers off, Punk leaves them speechless. Way to go bro!

AHHHHHH! It’s the Russian Mafia again! My TV is like freaking out with little kids staring at me. They’re gonna wack me off tonight! I knew it! He says it’s times! I’m going to die right now! Oh wait… This is part of the show? Whew! I was starting to cry for a second. The lights go out. The mood is set. We don’t know what’s about to happen, but we do know one thing… It’s going to be good! Appearing in a suit that looks like it was made of left over Christmas lights; Chris Jericho comes to the ring! He soaks in the affection of the fans for a couple of minutes before picking up a microphone. Is this broski gonna speak or is he just gonna dance around the ring? Oh great, now he’s infecting everyone in the crowd with AIDS by giving them high fives. Great television though, I must admit. Where is he going now? Is he just going to leave without telling me about the Russian Mafia’s plans? What a bastard! Well, that was all for him. Kind of a letdown to be honest.

Now it’s time for the main event! The broski Zack Ryder teams up with John Cena and this large guy named The Big Show. I knew right away that this match would be the greatest of all time based off the fact that Ryder had his cellular device with him! Can this night get any better? I doubt it. The big red guy couldn’t make it to the ring because he was too busy breathing obnoxiously into a microphone somewhere else. This match turned into quite the unfair contest, with a two on three battle. How can the wrastlin’ gods allow for this to happen and not intervene? Anywho, we go straight to commercial break just as the match was getting good! What’s up with that? After the commercial, we get back to the fist pumping and the fist fighting, ahaha.  Cena would win the match after saying hello to Swagg-less with his fist! Ahaha, what an awesome match that was, possible the best wrestling match that has ever been conducted. Oh no! The big red guy jumps up out of nowhere! He puts a cloth filled with chlorine in John Cena’s mouth making him immobile! Oh the horror! Now what is he doing? He’s going to attack my broski, Zack Ryder, and bring him under the ring so he could rape him! NOOOOOOOOOO!  Thankfully, John regained his senses to save Zack from that trauma, right before a gas line in the arena would blow up and the ring caught on fire! That was close call!

That was the conclusion of tonight’s episode of Monday Night Nitro/RAW Is War/Raw/Raw SuperShow. I’ll be honest with you guys… I’m just not feeling this wrastlin’ stuff anymore. It was fun when I was a kid, but it just seems kind of drawn out now. It was an awesome show, but I think I’m going to leave this stuff to the professionals, ahaha. Overall, I would give this show a 9 out of 10. The only way for it to have been better was if Dr. Isaac Yankeem was still in the WWE, but I guess that’s just a pipe dream. Good night everybody!

  1. January 3, 2012 at 6:43 am

    RAW was kind of wacky as you said. 9/10? I would of given it about 7. Jericho return was played excellent, left us wondering why he didn’t speak, think I know why. As for Isaac Yankeem, lol…the hell he playing at the end of the show?

  2. January 3, 2012 at 8:19 am

    “I understand that he did it to mock us and show us how we all pander to these silly face tactics like running around the ring and screaming. These are all ways CM Punk gets the crowd behind him, and this was Jericho’s way of showing how easy to manipulate we all are.”

    What? CM Punk doesn’t pander to the crowd. He still has a “I don’t care if you like me” attitude.

    “it will be remembered for the “Vickie’s sexy” chant during the Punk/Ziggler match”

    I was wondering what they were chanting.

    • January 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

      CM Punk’s the king of pandering! Screaming is clobbering time, standing on the top rope rolling his arms, pandering before his finisher.

      He panders way more than Cena does, it’s just not annoying when he does it.

      • January 3, 2012 at 6:43 pm

        That’s pandering? That’s just for him…I don’t think he cares if the crowd reacts to it.

        • January 3, 2012 at 7:47 pm

          Ever since his Money In The Bank win CM Punk has been pandering to the crowd like crazy. He wants the crowd to react, he thrives on the crowd reaction. He points to the crowd, when they chant his name he stops talking and soaks in the cheers, he is turning into John Cena.

          • January 4, 2012 at 8:30 am

            I’ve only seen him pander in Chicago.

            • January 4, 2012 at 8:41 am

              Lol, he does it every single time he comes out. When he comes out and goes to each side of the ramp and puts his arms up. When he poses on the turnbuckles, when he calls for the GTS, in his promos. Lmao. CM Punk is an attention whore.

  3. January 3, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Also, as for Jericho’s “disappointing” return, he could have walked out to the ring, handed Justin Roberts a water bottle, and leave and that would still be a mark-out moment. It’s Chris Jericho!!

    • January 3, 2012 at 7:49 pm

      Sure it’s all good because it’s Jericho and all, but that doesn’t change the fact that the return did not live up to the hype or the promise of the It Begin videos. Just because we like Jericho as a wrestler doesn’t mean we should all be blind marks and let him get away with such crap.

  4. January 3, 2012 at 8:29 am

    Ray the Rambler :
    RAW was kind of wacky as you said. 9/10? I would of given it about 7. Jericho return was played excellent, left us wondering why he didn’t speak, think I know why. As for Isaac Yankeem, lol…the hell he playing at the end of the show?

    I say 10/10 just because of Jericho.

    • January 3, 2012 at 7:51 pm

      I would have given this show a 5 if I rated on a number scale from 1 to 10.

  5. Crazy Train
    January 3, 2012 at 10:19 am

    I watched Raw for the first time in a really long time and I must say Jericho’s return was heel heel heel. When he first came out we got to see Chris as a person and really soak everything up. But after 5 minutes he went into character. Next week he’ll do the same thing but turn into his heel persona he left with. I’m going to start watching again because of this.

    Johnny L./Punk/Jericho/Clay will all be a future angle leading up to a match with Jericho/Punk at Wrestlemania.

    • January 3, 2012 at 7:19 pm

      I hope Jericho is not a heel. That is so 2008. We want change.

      • January 3, 2012 at 7:53 pm

        People think he trolled the fans and I think so too, but until he actually says something about it, I’m going to take his return at face value. If anything I’m looking forward to next week where we would hopefully get some explanation and in that regard I guess JeriTROLL did a good job.

  6. January 3, 2012 at 12:20 pm


    • January 3, 2012 at 7:55 pm

      Sure was. The extra columns had me up editing a bit longer, but I thing the final product was worth it. Reads kinda like a magazine.

  7. Chadam
    January 3, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    I am now convinced that Alan is JCITY’s satirical take on white people.

    • January 3, 2012 at 7:56 pm

      Lmmfao. Naw, Alan is Alan. I wouldn’t have the patience to write two completely different RAW reviews in one night.

  8. January 3, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    Alan just wrote the funniest Raw review ever. I guess Jericho is part of the Russian Mafia now.

    • January 3, 2012 at 7:58 pm

      I was laughing my ass off while editing. I like the approach of a person that doesn’t watch wrestling reviewing a wrestling show without being all negative about it.

  9. January 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    This was a fun triple header review.

  10. January 3, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    I liked Jericho’s return. It’s not something I can watch again but I thought what Jericho did was Art. He found a way to piss everyone off and thats not easy.

    Then again I love non dialogue movies so this was right up my alley.

    Of course, had I been watching this live I would have a different opinion about wasting my time watching it but since I have the lovely invention of the computer and YouTube, I can watch only what matters.

    Yep, I’m the fan the WWE doesn’t cater too 🙂

  11. Rob
    January 3, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    Wow. I loved this. I was not expecting a full Raw review maybe a little post on Jericho’s return so this was great. Not only did JCITY finally write about Raw again which is what made me a fan of this site to begin with but Shaman ripped Jericho’s return and I sort of agree with him and Alan, oh Alan, that must have been the funniest Raw review I ever read. J, I hope you stick with the The Real Raw Shyt. Even if its not a special triple threat edition I still love your take on the show.

    • January 3, 2012 at 8:04 pm

      I wasn’t planning on writing about it but i brought into the 1/2/12 hype. I also wasn’t planning or expecting Alan to write a RAW review of his own or Shaman to write something on Jericho’s return. I guess that’s that destiny crap Del Rio be talking about. As for sticking with THE REAL RAW SHYT… I forgot how much easier reviews are to plug and they do tend to get more hits than random articles, but I don’t like the repetitive nature of reviewing especially when they give us the same shit week after week after week. I’ve been getting positive feedback though so we’ll see. No promises though.

  12. January 3, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    I agree with Rob, you’re Raw reviews are awesome, JCITY, I don’t know why you don’t like doing them, becuase I think everyone wants to read them.

    • January 3, 2012 at 8:10 pm

      Writing for two hours, or in this case, taking notes for two hours and then filling in the rest later just isn’t my cup of tea. Reviewing shows is more time consuming than just pulling out a random post out of my ass. It does give the site more stability if there were more reviews because people that check for those on a weekly basis will know to check back for it, I just think it ends up getting too repetitive. That’s why I do them for a bit then I leave it alone so the next time I do it it’s fresh. The people who review shows every week are a dedicated bunch.

  13. January 3, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    Hey Alan…your review was great! Please review next week too!

  14. January 3, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    If the WWE does take the strap off Punk, give it to Jericho.

    • January 3, 2012 at 8:13 pm

      He needs to work his way up the ladder just like everybody else. He left us so he could go dance and sing? Fuck that shit, he needs to start over just like everybody else.

      • January 4, 2012 at 8:31 am

        Jericho is so good that he can take a year and still be the best worker on the roster. Any chance we can get a Daniel Bryan vs. CM Punk vs. Jericho triple threat match?

        • January 4, 2012 at 8:40 am

          We don’t know that. Maybe he’s rusty, who knows? Only time will tell.

          • January 4, 2012 at 8:44 am

            Lance Storm said they had a 17 match and there was no rust.

            • January 4, 2012 at 8:44 am

              **17 min. match**

            • January 4, 2012 at 8:47 am

              Considering that Jericho is supposed to be a pro, that doesn’t impress me. He should be at the top of his game at all times. Even away from the WWE since he needs to stay limber for all of the ballerina dancing he be doing.

  15. Capt. Smooth
    January 3, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    1. I want my own lightup jacket.

    2. There are many ways the Jericho thing could go.
    a. He’s trolling and has been heel all along.
    b. Will turn heel after the boos get to him.
    c. Will stay face and explain why he didn’t say anything this week.
    d. It’ll be a swerve to the swerve where he will act like that all the time even as he gets booed, as if to say to the smarks, “If you all can’t stand Cena, wait til you get a load of me!”.
    e. He’s become batshit crazy.
    f. He’ll go too far and try to fuck a fan, turning heel.
    g. He’ll wrestle in his lightup jacket…in the dark.

    3. Sorry, but I loved the whole Kane/Cena/Ryder thing. (Great pics, J!) It’s over the top, cheesy, and very symbolic.

    4. I don’t see the big deal about the waterbottle thing. I doubt it’s being used for hurt, but to insult.

    • January 3, 2012 at 9:24 pm

      Jericho needs to wrestle Sin Cara with his wacky lighting in that jacket.

      • Capt. Smooth
        January 3, 2012 at 9:30 pm

        I was thinking about that. lol

        • January 3, 2012 at 9:56 pm

          I want R-Truth to come out and hit Jericho with an open water bottle so I can laugh when the jacket short circuits and electrocutes Jericho. Now that would be a classic RAW moment.

          • Capt. Smooth
            January 4, 2012 at 5:53 am


            • January 4, 2012 at 7:33 am

              Lol, it would make for a great Gif.

              • Capt. Smooth
                January 4, 2012 at 7:27 pm

                Maybe he’ll get superpowers like Kane and Taker?

  16. January 3, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    I think the IWC is starting to make me hate Jericho.

    • January 4, 2012 at 1:21 am

      That’s because the IWC has it’s own theories on what Jericho did, but nobody really has any fucking clue on what the hell is going on until we get an official explanation from the man himself. And I don’t think the IWC is making you hate Jericho, disappointment in his return is making you hate Jericho as evident by your contribution to THE REAL RAW SHYT.

      • January 4, 2012 at 2:03 am

        IWC guy: “LOLOLOLOLOL at the angry people! My best friend Chris Jericho just put on the show of the year out there and he got you masterfully. Enjoy the ride! I’m a Jerichoholic. I was so entertained by what he did, just look into the deeper meaning; he’s a genius at playing people! I love him!”

        That’s what pissing me off. When did Raw become a English project instead of Entertianment?

        • January 4, 2012 at 7:39 am

          Lmmfao. They are just trying to spin his return into a positive, but we all know that deep down inside they wanted to hear a damn promo and not see Jericho running around trying to ruin his own return. Y2J broke their hearts and they have to put up a protective wall. Next week will be worse watch. They gonna be like I told you so. I knew Jericho was working us all. He’s the greatest…and they are right. Fuck. Lol.

        • January 4, 2012 at 8:37 am

          Shaman’s Harvest :
          IWC guy: “LOLOLOLOLOL at the angry people! My best friend Chris Jericho just put on the show of the year out there and he got you masterfully. Enjoy the ride! I’m a Jerichoholic. I was so entertained by what he did, just look into the deeper meaning; he’s a genius at playing people! I love him!”
          That’s what pissing me off. When did Raw become a English project instead of Entertianment?

          You mean you didn’t try to study the deeper meaning when the 2/21/11 videos were being shown?

      • January 4, 2012 at 8:35 am

        That’s because the IWC has it’s own theories on what Jericho did, but nobody really has any fucking clue on what the hell is going on until we get an official explanation from the man himself. And I don’t think the IWC is making you hate Jericho, disappointment in his return is making you hate Jericho as evident by your contribution to THE REAL RAW SHYT.

        Yeah I love how everyone thinks they got it all figured out…lol Jericho doesn’t say a word and yet people “know” he is still a heel.

        • January 4, 2012 at 8:39 am

          Hopefully we get some explanation next week. If he pulls the same crap again then fuck him.

          • Capt. Smooth
            January 4, 2012 at 7:28 pm

            I think they’re going to do that until Rumble.

            • January 4, 2012 at 7:45 pm

              By then I will completely lose interest.

              • Capt. Smooth
                January 4, 2012 at 7:55 pm

                Have enough patience to see if the shoe drops at the Rumble.

                • January 5, 2012 at 4:17 am

                  Patience is not a virtue when it comes to wrestling. I have a short attention span.

                  • Capt. Smooth
                    January 5, 2012 at 5:47 am

                    Sorry, but that’s a big reason why people aren’t as over today as they used to be. If a character doesn’t change every week, they become “tired”.

                    • January 5, 2012 at 8:51 am

                      I wouldn’t want a character to change every week, but for 6 weeks I’ve watched those videos and they had absolutely nothing to do with what happened on RAW. I don’t think I should give it more time since I think there should have been a payoff already. All that happened was this:

  17. Voice of Reason
    January 3, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    JCITY, I agree with the comments above, you should start reviewing shows more often. You might think they would get repetitive, but yours are so much different than all the other reviews I read. Your opinions can sometimes be ridiculous in nature, but they sure are entertaining. I remember when you used to review Raw, Impact and Smackdown and I would like for you to bring those reviews back. Or at least do them more frequently this year. If positive feedback will make you bring back reviews then consider this my vote. I also liked the inclusion of The Outsider Review and Shaman’s Harvest editorial piece. Great job by everyone.

    • January 4, 2012 at 1:30 am

      Thanks for the kind words, but idk about bringing back reviews. We’ll see.

      • Capt. Smooth
        January 4, 2012 at 5:56 am

        Maybe for “special” shows?(a reveal, a return, a tribute show after a death, etc.)

        • January 4, 2012 at 7:35 am

          Once the Road To Wrestlemania officially kicks off in a few weeks there will be too many special moments for all that, lol.

          • January 4, 2012 at 8:38 am

            You don’t know that…

            • January 4, 2012 at 8:43 am

              True, but history proves that this is usually the best time of year for WWE TV.

              • Capt. Smooth
                January 4, 2012 at 7:29 pm

                Or when Clay debuts and eats Hornswoggle alive.

                • January 4, 2012 at 7:44 pm

                  Lmao. Now that would be funny as fuck. I’m beginning to doubt we’ll ever see Clay though.

                  • Capt. Smooth
                    January 4, 2012 at 7:57 pm

                    No, the plan is for the delays to make him even more angry that when he finally arrives, he’ll just destroy somebody. I’d love for him to debut at the Rumble and chuck out several people.

                    • January 5, 2012 at 4:18 am

                      By the time he comes back nobody is going to care. Knowing WWE they are probably forcing to lose weigh during his time away from TV.

  18. Capt. Smooth
    January 5, 2012 at 5:45 am

    IT HAS BEGUN!!!!!!!!!!

  19. Capt. Smooth
    January 5, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    I wouldn’t want a character to change every week, but for 6 weeks I’ve watched those videos and they had absolutely nothing to do with what happened on RAW. I don’t think I should give it more time since I think there should have been a payoff already. All that happened was this:

    It’s just the start.

    • January 6, 2012 at 5:12 am

      No. They fucked up.

      • Capt. Smooth
        January 6, 2012 at 5:57 am

        No wonder wrestling won’t get any traction anymore. Don’t write it off yet.

  20. Capt. Smooth
    January 5, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    You know, it’s funny to think the reason for the whole pre-Jericho blackout was to get Kane under the ring.

    • January 6, 2012 at 5:11 am

      Damn, you’re right. Never even thought about that.

      • Capt. Smooth
        January 6, 2012 at 5:58 am

        I wonder what Kane was thinking about while Jericho was doing his thing. Probably laughing his ass off.

        • January 6, 2012 at 8:50 am

          Kane should have busted out from under the ring and snatched him away. Then The Undertaker should have came out. I would have marked out big time for that.

          • Capt. Smooth
            January 6, 2012 at 7:44 pm

            Yes, please.

            • January 7, 2012 at 12:42 am

              I think Taker might return just because he is the only on that could stop Kane.

              • Capt. Smooth
                January 7, 2012 at 11:25 am

                Sounds about right.

                • January 7, 2012 at 6:22 pm

                  Then it will be Taker vs Kane for the millionth time.

                  • Capt. Smooth
                    January 7, 2012 at 7:33 pm

                    One more match!

                    • January 7, 2012 at 7:35 pm

                      The Super Smark I met in line before the Chicago RAW said Undertaker doesn’t want to face Triple H again at WM and wants to face Kane.

  21. Capt. Smooth
    January 7, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    Tony Kegger :
    The Super Smark I met in line before the Chicago RAW said Undertaker doesn’t want to face Triple H again at WM and wants to face Kane.

    I’ve been hearing that as well.

  22. January 7, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    By the time he comes back nobody is going to care. Knowing WWE they are probably forcing to lose weigh during his time away from TV.

    I was watching Christian vs. Del Rio at Extreme Rules (on BLU-RAY!!) this morning and I almost marked out when Brodus Clay did a run-in. I completely forgot he was Del Rio’s rookie back then. I think when Clay finally returns, it will be a bigger mark-out moment than people think it will be. It could really help Clay’s career.

    I think if Mark Henry and Brock Lesnar had a child, that child would be Brodus Clay. If this was the Attitude Era, they would have Mark Henry become pregnant and give birth to a fully grown Brodus Clay. The IWC would complain that it makes no sense because Clay had already been in the WWE so how could he be re-born but they would completely ignore the fact that Mark Henry was able to get pregnant.

    • Capt. Smooth
      January 7, 2012 at 7:46 pm

      I want to see him come in during the Rumble and throw out several people.

      • January 7, 2012 at 8:12 pm

        I wonder if the WWE want to make him another Brock or Batista. They must wish they pushed Mark Henry 10 years ago and not at the end of his career.

        • Capt. Smooth
          January 7, 2012 at 8:22 pm

          Due to his weight, he may not be able to go the way Brock or Batiasta went. With Henry, he had lost about 80 pounds, so I’m sure that helped him.

  23. January 7, 2012 at 11:55 pm
    • Capt. Smooth
      January 8, 2012 at 10:46 am

      Yeah, I saw that. Did you see where he worked a house show this weekend and before he could say anything, Otunga interrupted him and Jericho put him in the Walls of Jericho?

      • January 8, 2012 at 11:20 am

        I heard about that…hopefully that helps prove that it’s not 100% guaranteed that he’s heel.

        • Capt. Smooth
          January 8, 2012 at 2:45 pm

          He’d get booed by the smarks if he were a face. They really want him to be heel.

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