Brief Thoughts On WWE Monday Night RAW Super Show 4/10/12
Brief Thoughts On WWE Monday Night RAW 4/10/12
by THE INFAMOUS JCITY™
Instead of posting the diss blog I planned on posting today, I’m going to B A STAR and give some brief thoughts on RAW. I know I’ve come off pretty negative about wrestling lately, but I was genuinely losing interest in the product which I’ve both watched and enjoyed for about as long as I could remember. Now that The Road To WrestleMania is over, and with past and new Superstars making their returns/debuts, WWE has a freshness to it that has been lacking for quite some time. Anyways, I finally watched RAW as it aired live instead of playing catch up on my DVR and decided to write a few brief thoughts since THE INFAMOUS fanbase keeps checking back on a daily basis for new updates and I’ve been somewhat of a neglectful blog owner as of late (thanks for the continued support, I really do appreciate it). If this goes over well, I plan on doing these on a regular basis. Why brief thoughts instead of THE REAL RAW SHYT? Well, it seems that wrestling fans have the shortest of all attention spans, so instead of wasting time writing over 3,000 words that are more likely going to get skimmed (I really hate when people do that), I rather keep it light since writing so much every time I post only ends up to me being burned out by the end of the week, resulting in less updates. So, join me as I return to what brought me to the dance so to speak, some good ol’ wrestling coverage! OK, I’M RELOADED!!!!!
RAW opens up with John Laurinaitis taking full credit for being the mastermind behind the surprising (well, not to the Internet) return of former WWE and UFC Champion, Brock Lesnar. If this is what Big Johnny refers to as “People Power” then I think he is going to make a great Executive Director of Talent Relations and General Manager of both RAW and Smackdown (damn that’s a mouthful… sorta like my dick, but I digress). Anyways, Brock came out to the ring to explain his action from last week when he hit John Cena with a F5 and I couldn’t help but laugh. It’s been a while since I heard Lesnar cut a promo, and call me crazy, but to me he sounds like a little bitch. That soft-spoken voice coming out of that freakishly huge body is fucking hilarious. It’s like Lesnar suffers from Mike Tyson Syndrome or some shit. So yeah, Cena came out and slapped Brock in the face, because real men go around slapping people (sarcasm), so Brock took Cena down with a sloppy looking tackle and PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE!!!!!! Sure, most of his other punches looked awkward as fuck, but the initial punch was enough to MAKE JOHN CENA BLEED!!!!!
Anytime someone can bust John Cena open the hard way, they automatically become one of my favorite Superstars, so Lesnar’s return has been a big win for WWE thus far. It has rejuvenated my interest in the product, unlike The Rock’s return, which is weird because as much shit as I talk about The Rock, he was always one of my favorite WWE Superstars. I think I like the Cena vs Lesnar feud better though, for one reason and one reason only, PHYSICAL VIOLENCE!!!!!! That’s right, while Cena vs The Rock was rooted in juvenile insults and more talking than a Wendy Williams marathon, Brock vs Cena is skipping all the bullshit and getting right into the good shit. I absolutely loved the chaos that ensued between both men and the whole RAW roster coming out to separate the two was a great visual and added much-needed fire to an already red-hot feud. The whole time they were brawling and getting pulled apart by everyone, I couldn’t help but think how this should have been the way Rock vs Cena played out, but I’ll take it anyway I can get it (pause). Thank you WWE. That was awesome.
The first match of the night saw Santino Marella and Brodus Clay go over Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler, and honestly, not a single fuck was giving. As you all might know, I fucking hate Santino Marella and while the rest of the
sheep WWE Universe seems to love the guy, I find everything he does to be extremely annoying and therefore I can’t bring myself to enjoy anything he is a part of. Also, Dolph Ziggler needs to dump Vicki as his manager because his career seems to be going down the road to Jobberville when he should be upper midcard at best. Losing to an invisible cock blower and his fat funky friend doesn’t help my argument that Ziggler is one of the better in-ring talents in the WWE. I would really hate to see his potential squandered. Moving on…
It’s official now, John Cena will be facing Brock Lesnar at the Extreme Rules PPV. I’m excited for this match. I wouldn’t be surprised if their match ends up being either a First Blood or a Last Man Standing Match, but at the end of the day, it really doesn’t fucking matter what kind of match they end up having, I just want them to fucking destroy each other. Hopefully Lesnar doesn’t have too much ring rust and doesn’t gas mid match like The Rock did at WrestleMania 28. I don’t want to see these guys going for rest holds, I want them to punch hard, kick harder, brawl all over the arena, and hit the hardest hitting moves on each other only for both of them to end up getting carried out by stretchers. Maybe I’m expecting too much, but Lesnar is getting paid $5 million for a year’s work, so he needs to fucking earn that shit, fuck that.
Backstage segment with Santino was next as he was trying to find The Three Stooges. Blah. I didn’t care too much for this segment since it had Marella’s mozzarella cheese stench all over it.
R-Truth going over Cody Rhodes was next, and you guessed it… not a single fuck was given again. This was more of an angle than a match as Big Show has taken it upon himself to turn the tables on Cody and show him his own embarrassing moments as he goes into a mini losing streak due to Show’s distractions. I expect Cody to win back his Intercontinental Championship from Big Show at Extreme Rules so he could get payback for these weekly humiliations. I would hate for Show to emerge victorious in this feud only to have Rhodes join Ziggler in Jobberville. I understand the top of the card is getting stacked with returning Superstars and whatnot, but WWE can’t afford to waste its younger talent because of it.
Backstage segment and Santino finally finds the stooges he was looking for. This is so exciting (NOT)!!! If WWE wanted me to mark the fuck out they should have shown The Three Stooges talking backstage and had a cameo from the only stooges that matter in the world of Professional Wrestling, Pat Patterson and Gerald Briscoe. Now that would have been EPIC.
Hey Albert, Hakushi called, he wants his gimmick back… Lord Tensai going over Yoshi Tatsu was next and I’m actually interested in seeing the progression of this Lord Tensai character. Right now he is running through jobbers like a bulldozer, but so is Brodus Clay. While I’ve read various reports that Lord Tensai is going to be built as a top star in the WWE, a part of me easily sees this character ending up in a feud with The Funkasaurus and eventually becoming a comedy character. Hopefully they don’t mess this up for Tensai, but it’s to early into his development for me to actually give a fuck either way. Anyways, the best part of this match was the crowd and their ALBERT, ALBERT, ALBERT chants. That was fucking awesome, but if it keeps up, it will eventually lead Tensai down the comedy route (unless they let him cut a promo where he denounces his past). Mark my words.
It’s 10pm which can only mean one thing; CM Punk. When was the last time the WWE Champion closed the show? It seems that CM Punk is regulated to being the champion of the top of the second hour. Is he THAT bad for ratings? Damn. So yeah, Punk comes out, still pissed off because if you didn’t watch last week, Jericho poured a whole bottle of Jack Daniels all over Punk and then smashed another bottle over his head (speaking from experience, those bottles are hard to break) as he lied on the floor helplessly. While I’ve enjoyed the latest attacks from Jericho, this whole angle reminds me of when CM Punk was in ROH and did the same thing with Raven. It’s like CM Punk’s whole WWE career is a retread of his brilliant run in ROH, from this, all the way to the Summer of Punk 2011 which made him a household name. I’m not saying I mind, because I don’t, I’m just saying I’ve seen all of this before, that is all. Anyways, Punk cuts a promo on being Straight Edge and addresses his daddy issues, yadda yadda yadda and then Jericho does his best impersonation of The Rock by showing up on the TitanTron, mocking Punk like only he can. I enjoyed this segment more so than anything they did leading up to WrestleMania 28, because shit got real (well, as real as it can get in wrestling I guess) when Jericho smashed Punk over the head with that bottle of Jack and I want to see Punk kick his ass all over Chicago at Extreme Rules.
Punk not only cut a promo, but he had to defend his WWE Championship against Mark Henry, which he retained after getting disqualified for hitting Henry with a television monitor. #Heel. He tries to hit Henry again, but was distracted by Jericho on the TitanTron, so Henry took advantage and hit Punk with a few World Strongest Slams. I marked out when Jericho came out with two cases of beer because I knew what was going to happen next. Just as I suspected, Jericho ended up pouring those nasty ass Canadian beers all over CM Punk’s lifeless body. I’m not one to condone such actions; the action of wasting perfectly drinkable alcohol that is, but I thought this was a solid segment. These two had a solid match at WrestleMania 28 so I’m looking forward to seeing what they do at Extreme Rules. I wonder what kind gimmick match they will end up having? Steel Cage? Last Man Standing? Ladder? I guess we’ll be finding out in the next couple of weeks, huh?
ALBERTO DEL RIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Yes, Shaman’s Harvest least favorite Mexican is back in the WWE, kicking ass and taking names. Since his return last week, Del Rio has already earned himself a future World Heavyweight Championship Match and also beat the major of Jobbervile, Zack Ryder, in convincing fashion. I must admit, I really did miss Ricardo Rodriguez epic ring announcing and even though Del Rio’s WWE Championship reign last year was kinda lame, I can’t wait to see what he could as one of the top heels on Smackdown.
HULK HOGAN RETURNS TO THE WWE!!!! While the crowd absolutely hated the following segment featuring The Three Stooges, I fucking love when Will Sasso (Curly) came out and impersonated Hulk Hogan. He did a great job and sounded just like the Hulkster. I remember when Sasso was on MadTV and Bret Hart put him in a Sharpshooter and the last time he was in a WWE ring, he impersonated Stone Cold Steve Austin and got hit with the Stone Cold Stunner for his troubles. He’s a real wrestling fan so I was surprised the fans in attendance booed him. His impression was spot on, brother. The fun was cut short when Kane came out and chokeslammed Sasso’s fat ass to hell. I guess Hulkamania is dead, brother. Someone should really tell Dixie Carter…
Backstage, Mark Henry let us know that next week he will have another shot at the WWE Championship in a No Disqualification, No Count Out Match. My question is; if a match is contested under No Disqualification rules, wouldn’t it already cover the whole no count out aspect of the match? Just saying.
Brock Lesnar cuts a promo, but I can’t get over that soft spoken voice coming out of that massive steroid infused body. I don’t even remember what he said because I was laughing the whole time. My bad.
Up next was Harvard University extraordinaire, David Otunga, and his entrance makes me wonder; is all that baby oil really necessary? I mean, damn, his baby oil fetish exceeds that of WWE’s resident baby oil abuser, Randy Orton. At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if all of Otunga’s matches were sponsored by Johnson & Johnson. Anyways, all the baby oil in the world couldn’t save him from a John Cena ass whooping as Cena made Otunga tap the fuck out via STFU.
After the match, John Cena celebrated his triumph over a man who barely wins any matches as it is, only for Lesnar to come from behind and KICK HIM IN THE BALLS!!!!!! Yes, I marked out for that and I also marked out when Lesnar hit Cena with the F5 for the second week in a row. Cena deserves all the F5’s in the world considering that he has made a living off winning matches with the FU, which was created as a parody of the F5 back when Cena and Brock feuded back in 2003.
Well, this certainly turned out to be longer than I expected it to be. I really need to learn how to consolidate my thoughts a little better, huh? I could have easily just changed the title of this post to THE REAL RAW SHYT and nobody would have second guessed it, but I’m too fucking lazy to do it at the moment (since it means I would also have to change the opening paragraph) so fuck it. Anyways, like I said before, this is the first RAW I’ve watched live as it aired and for the most part it was an enjoyable show, made memorable with the opening brawl between Cena and Lesnar. I can’t wait to see how this feud plays out. It should definitely make for some great television moving forward. Hope y’all enjoyed my return to wrestling coverage. I had fun writing about the product for once so hopefully this isn’t a one-off. Oh, and don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @D_3VIL_JCITY where I will try to make a conscious effort to live tweet during the shows I end up catching live. Thanks for reading and may you all have a good day… fuckers.